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to not want my drunk partner to share a bed with my 4 yo ds

(58 Posts)
smithereenies Sat 18-Jun-11 12:25:54

Last week my dp came home really drunk at 3:30 a.m. He got into (single) bed w our 4 yo ds in just his underpants, and I asked him to get out as I thought it inappropriate (mainly because he was so drunk). I didn't really want him in with me as I was sleeping with our 18 mo who wasn't well (d + v). He was really angry and slept on the couch - he is still angry about it so I wonder aibu to think I was right? We're going through a very difficult patch at the mo btw

strandedbear Sat 18-Jun-11 12:27:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glitterknickaz Sat 18-Jun-11 12:28:06

More practically the 4 yr old could have come in with you and 18mo.... although if the 18mo wasn't well perhaps that isn't so practical.

He shouldn't share a bed with a small person whilst drunk though, you're quite right on that.

smithereenies Sat 18-Jun-11 12:29:26

no, the 18 mo wasn't well - and the 4 yo had also not been well (d) earlier that evening

Nanny0gg Sat 18-Jun-11 12:30:14

So you're at home with a 4 year-old and a poorly toddler and your DP ('D' to stand for the word of your choice) goes out and gets drunk?
He was lucky to be allowed the couch...

slartybartfast Sat 18-Jun-11 12:30:17

at least he didnt try to share the bed with you.
you were right though. it coudl be dangerous
he will get over it.

oldbutposh Sat 18-Jun-11 12:30:54

YANBU but perhaps you should buy a sofabed for these occasions - does your 18mo sleep with you a lot?

SpecialFriedRice Sat 18-Jun-11 12:33:25


There were quite a few occasions when my mum would get into bed with me around the same age after her and my dad had had a drunk argument... I hated it. She'd steal the covers, hog the bed, squish me against the wall or push me out the bed (depending on what side I was on). There was more than once occasion I went and curled up on the sofa!!!

Your DP should have went to the sofa in the first instance!

smithereenies Sat 18-Jun-11 12:34:12

yes, he went out actually when the toddler was on the loo having d and I was sanitising my ds's hands and he refused to help! I'd been away for work for a couple of days

smithereenies Sat 18-Jun-11 12:36:01

sorry - posted early - and so he thought it was his right to go out. Like I said, we're going through a very rough patch. He also shouted in front of the toddler when I didn't want him in the bed

Icelollycraving Sat 18-Jun-11 12:37:01

Hmm yanbu at all! He is lucky you didn't lock him out for the night.

TheDogsAintTheProblem Sat 18-Jun-11 12:43:11

More fool you for putting up with him.

He's not just unreasonable, he's a <<insert word of choice>>

creamola Sat 18-Jun-11 12:43:47

if he was getting into bed because you had his half covered with you little one fair enough.

It's a bit harsh to think he was showing , tendencies, from one evening. however if you are in slighest bit concerned .......get rid of him

Ineedalife Sat 18-Jun-11 12:50:55

TBH I wouldn't have let him share a house with my 4 year old never mind a bed.

atswimtwolengths Sat 18-Jun-11 12:53:22

I wouldn't let him in my house! I'm always shocked by what women put up with at home.

ChaoticAngelofLitha Sat 18-Jun-11 13:05:51

So because you'd been away for a couple of days if felt it was his right to go out and get pissed, leaving you with two sick little ones hmm YANBU

fatlazymummy Sat 18-Jun-11 14:43:24

Living with small children and getting really drunk are incompatible IMO [as opposed to getting slightly tipsy, or getting very drunk then sobering up before you come in].So I would be having words over this incident. And they wouldn't be pleasant words.

3littlefrogs Sat 18-Jun-11 14:48:31

He sounds delightful. Why are you with him?

smithereenies Sat 18-Jun-11 15:00:40

we are going through a very very rough patch where we've been unkind to one another - long story. I haven't been as terrible as he was with that incident though! And yes he did feel it was his right to go out because I'd been away, and the children weren't really really sick before he went out. But the principle I suppose of someone completely drunk sharing a single bed with a little boy is what I was asking about most. And I do wonder if just wearing underpants makes it worse.

FabbyChic Sat 18-Jun-11 15:02:31

was it because he was pissed or just had his pants on, if it was because he just had his pants on you are totally being unreasonable. A man is surely allowed to sleep even naked with their own kid!

smithereenies Sat 18-Jun-11 15:08:09

fabbychic - actually, a bit of both, but mainly because he was so drunk. I think it was the overall combo - big drunk slurring insulting snoring man squashed into a bed with a sick little boy

DoMeDon Sat 18-Jun-11 15:09:45

It sounds like you have more of a problem with a grown man in a bed with a child in pants confused My DSD got into bed with me (and DH obv) when I was naked once (was exceptionally hot and she had a nightmare) - I see nothing wrong with that at all.

Drunk and semi nude are different issues IMO.

smithereenies Sat 18-Jun-11 15:13:07

domedon - not normally I wouldn't have a problem, I suppose it was almost the look and smell of him - I thought it wouldn't be pleasant for my ds to have to wake up beside him. I was annoyed with him for refusing to help with the kids and then staying out so late and getting so drunk.
I'm not very prudish - I shower in front of my 7 year old ds etc and haven't any problem with nakedness at home etc.

crispyseaweed Sat 18-Jun-11 15:16:07

YANBU !!!!

PregolaLola Sat 18-Jun-11 15:18:31

dont get the pants issue, its hes little boy if you have a reason to feel thats wrong then thats a seperate issue, and it sounds like its YOUR issue
the drunk in bed part is dangerous however and totally wrong, but MAYBE the reason he is still pissed of is because you took up a problem ith him sleeping with littlen in hes pants and maybe YOU made him feel uncomfortable or insulted him

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