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To want to let her tyres down?!.........

(79 Posts)
pollyblue Fri 17-Jun-11 23:29:39

.....or something equally childish.

I realised a couple of days ago that I've been 'dumped' by a friend. A couple of days before that she came along for a drink with half a dozen other friends, that I'd arranged. She's been a bit frosty with me lately but I invited her along, sent her a couple of texts saying 'came you come?' and then to let her know which night seemed to suit everyone. She had plenty of time/chance to say "no, actually I can't stand you anymore and don't want to come." Evening was all very civilised, although she was a bit cool with me still.

Day or two after that I noticed she's removed me as a friend on facebook. (don't you just love facebook?). I use it very rarely, but is a good way to keep in touch with a friend abroad, and I'd been on it on and off over last week or so, talking to him. That's how I noticed she'd gone from my friends list, and knew when she'd removed herself.

I'm as sure as I can be that it's because she found out, six months ago, that I'm gay. We were very good friends, texting/speaking most days and seeing each other at least one a week. She swore at the time that she was ok with it, I was her friend and that was that. But since then she's been cold on and off, although she's not wanted to talk about it further (I did offer early on, but she refused unless another friend came along to "support" her. I said I'd rather not discuss it with anyone else for the time being, so we reached stalemate there.)

I suppose I've really got the hump because she's not spoken to me, or even sent me a text saying 'actually, i don't like this and I'd rather we didn't see each other anymore.' I didn't say anything about it when we went out few days ago, was on my best behaviour because I thought maybe she was thawing and we might be able to get back to being friendly. She was a good laugh and I miss her company. But she's decided to 'unfriend' me now without a word or given me the chance to answer back. Am angry about that.

So wise MNetters, please can i let her tyres down?!

(apologies for going on a bit)

Isitreally Fri 17-Jun-11 23:33:59

YANBU for feeling that way but you sound like a nice person and you will just feel shitty if you do something childish to her. Then she'll tell everyone it's you and it'll all be embarrassing. There's nothing you can do really. TBH she doesn't sound like a big loss if that's the reason she's dropped you.

hester Fri 17-Jun-11 23:35:01

Sadly you can't, we're going to make you maintain the moral high ground, though your anger is understandable.

We all lose at least one friend when we come out, don't we? But there's nothing you can do about it. She's not going to admit that's why she's cooled off.

How long were you friends with her before she discovered you're gay? Are you only recently out? Does she feel betrayed because you kept it a secret from her?

pollyblue Fri 17-Jun-11 23:35:30

Thanks isit, I know that's right, I keep muttering 'keep your dignity, keep your dignity' but i could just scream.....

TheDogsAintTheProblem Fri 17-Jun-11 23:35:54

She wanted to bring a friend along to "support her" because you are gay and offered her the chance to speak about it?

Excuse me, but did you say gay? Not "mass murderer" or that you wanted to hit her but gay? Since when did discussing that call for a need a friend to "support" her? shock

What does she think you'll do? Seduce her? Oh the vanity of the woman!

You've been good enough to be her friend all this time, your sexuality is only your own concern and she's an utter cow. You are damn not unreasonable!

pollyblue Fri 17-Jun-11 23:39:45

hester, I've known her four years, I told her about it about 6 months back. I think she just thinks I'm weird as I have children, and am not out as such - my oldest close friends know, but not my other 'mum' friends, who I've not known so long. She's my closest friend I've made in the past few years, we got on (I thought) really well.

Salmotrutta Fri 17-Jun-11 23:40:00

Well, if you really think she's dumped you as a friend because you told her you were gay then she surely wasn't a true friend was she?
Friends are friends whatever their personalities or preferences.
YABU to let her tyres down but you would not be unreasonable to just cut her out of your life if you feel she is "de-friending" you for being gay.
Taking "revenge" is sily but you know that really. If it burns you up then call her on it - if not then just drop her. Life is really too short for revenge.

dinosaurkisses Fri 17-Jun-11 23:40:13

Christ what a dick

You are well shot! She's creating a drama over something totally banal- you're gay, big whoop. If she wants to start with passive-aggressive facebook defriending that's up to her, but the best way to get back at her is to show that you're not bothered.

pollyblue Fri 17-Jun-11 23:40:43

TheDogs, could cheerfully hit her now grin (goes off chanting 'dignity, dignity...')

Salmotrutta Fri 17-Jun-11 23:40:53

silly - not sily, obviously!!

Salmotrutta Fri 17-Jun-11 23:43:21

Tell her she's sooooo not your type! That'll annoy her.

ScarlettIsWalking Fri 17-Jun-11 23:46:22

You are well rid

FabbyChic Fri 17-Jun-11 23:47:58

Your sexuality made her uncomfortable and she didn't want to be alone with you because she was worried you would make a pass at her.

Alternatively it made her question her own sexuality and she realised she fancies you and is scared of her feelings so ran away.

pollyblue Fri 17-Jun-11 23:49:17

Salmotrutta ha! I like your thinking...... Maybe that's it - it all came out because I pointed out someone I fancied - she was horrified because she thought the object of my affection was an ogre. Perhaps she's got the hots for me herself and it devastated by my lack of taste...grin

pollyblue Fri 17-Jun-11 23:50:12

is not it, sorry

Salmotrutta Fri 17-Jun-11 23:52:46

Bet that's it polly - she fancies you but realises she isn't the one grin

pollyblue Fri 17-Jun-11 23:55:27

haha! I'm glad I posted now, has made me feel soo much better. TBH have been really miserable about it, I can't remember the last time I fell out with anyone (sniffles).

Kewcumber Fri 17-Jun-11 23:56:46

I really hope she hasn't cold shouldered you for that reason, it dents my faith in sensible women who on the whole <<stand by for sweeping generalisation>> seem to handle news of a previously "straight" friends coming out better than men do.

I'd prefer to think that you're really horrid and beat your children in front of her.

In which case you are being sooooooo unreasonable.

Kewcumber Fri 17-Jun-11 23:58:17

oh and I should add that I majorly disappointed my brother who had been bracing my mother for the big announcement that I was a lesbian.

Ummm, no. Just single at 46 - it isn't the same thing you know!

pollyblue Sat 18-Jun-11 00:00:45

I'd prefer to think that you're really horrid and beat your children in front of her.

Ah. Curses. (whistles) Only once a day when I let them out of the cellar for their tea.....

Kewcumber Sat 18-Jun-11 00:14:29

I knew it - I KNEW IT! Ha! This was a reveal by stealth thread wasn't?

"I have just knifed my friend and now I think she isn't talking to me ecasue I am gay"

pollyblue Sat 18-Jun-11 00:16:28

Yes, she's not talking to me anymore because I've just killed her to death. Oops. grin

chicletteeth Sat 18-Jun-11 00:17:13

Rise above it!

And stuff her - homophobia in this day and age? Good fucking grief!

Salmotrutta Sat 18-Jun-11 00:17:28

Kewcumber - your brother isn't related to my MIL is he. She thinks all unmarried men are gay. hmm

Kewcumber Sat 18-Jun-11 01:02:42

well he could be - at last count his ex-wife, me and one of his two daughters are gay by his reckoning. Do you think its catching? confused

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