Talk

I would do fuck all, but then I'm a bitch

YANBU.
Other than making sure there's no floaters in the toilet or old rotting food lying around, as well as keeping it to a reasonably clean standard (this is realise is quite subjective), then you shouldn't do anything else

I would reply that you will clean to a basic standard but that you cannot do anything about the other issues in the house that may prevent a sale and can they confirm when they will be dealt with, as per your tenancy agreement?

Ha! Your landlord has a lot to learn! Give your cat fish every day.

I don't know what your legal obligations are but I would do the bare minimum you need to do to meet them. Their requests sound over and above what you should be doing, bloody rude under the circumstances.

Oooh, I thought you meant you were like me, which is that I can never ever move house because I could never ever sell my house because I will never ever clean it enough.

I am doomed to stay in Crusteria Avenue for all time.

In your case, tell them to send in a cleaning company, when you have moved out.

I was going to come on and call you a dirty fucker. But YANBU. I'd do fuck all.

If LL wants clean windows, he can pay a window cleaner.

I LOVE MN.
I have been rushing around tidying teenage bedrooms, and at some point I thought, WTF am I doing here? It is Friday night and I ought to be doing bumsex and drinking absinth, not trying to sell the only home I have.

I find hat those foil sachets of wet cat food make for exceptionally stinky cat poo. Just saying...

I would clean the crumbs off the surfaces and do a general tidy for general pride. everything else no, the LL can come and do it himself if he is so bothered.

I would do fuck all twice. Actually no, I'd do enough to not shame myself and no more.
And the cat would be getting rancid whale slops three times a day.

I think your LL is incredibly cheeky. I hope you hang around and tell all the viewers all about all the stuff that is wrong with the house.

Personally, Id make sure there was a floater in the toilet..

If the landlord wants it clean he can do it himself or pay someone to do it. Why should you clean it? Infact I would go out of my way to make it a shit hole.

I was thinking of making big signs.... for the shower saying ' careful, shower tray not attached' and ' don't slam the front door' and 'this radiator does not work' etc etc

Any other suggestions.

Potentially homeless Norks

What does your contract say?
Personally I'd do the bare minimum contractually required of me.

But I'm a bitch too

Sue I love 'fuck all twice'. I did laugh.
Am eating apricots to induce smelly floater, thanks for the ideaflaure
bogey is that realio trulio legal stuff?

good idea.

if you're there for viewings you can helpfully show them the boiler just dropping in casually 'Of course you'll be replacing it since it doesn't really work but you might like to see where your new one can go.'

contract says that we should let people look round, that's all.
Basic pride, though, makes me tidy up....but be pissed off about it.

Slightly worried about losing deposit, but if they want to do that, they will think of something else.

A tenant's life is not a happy one

Ooh, syb... good one

"contract says that we should let people look round, that's all."

You are far nicer than me because I would make the place look like something out of Kim and Aggie.

You should only lose the deposit if the house isn't clean after you have vacated it.

Well then, there's your answer . You let them look round.

Not your fault you're craving herring soup and your living room's a bit untidy.

The return of your deposit is surely dependent on the state you return the property in at an inspection after vacating it n'est pas?

Make sure nothing on show is breaching any rules in contract, but beyond that if it's untidy... well, what can you say

am making herring soup NOW, thanks assailant

Any other good ideas gratefully received.
Am now feeling confident and NAUGHTY!

You could always have the house immaculately clean but release a stink bomb just before any potential viewers come in through the front door.