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To want to postpone visit to pil?

(8 Posts)
tryingtoleave Fri 17-Jun-11 12:55:56

I'm not sure, maybe I am.

We have just moved to Sydney - two weeks ago. I've spent the last two weeks looking for childcare and have just found some I'm happy with. The dcs ( 2 and 4) are very unsettled with the move and, I think, being dragged around to cc centres. They keep saying they want to go home sad. it is going to be hard and slow to settle dd into cc as she is very clingy.

Anyway, I had booked a trip on my frequent flyer points for us all to nz to see pil in three weeks time. I did this long before our move was planned and was looking forward to it, although I thought it might be a bit stressful. But now I think it will be really unsettling and upsetting for dcs. I want to postpone the trip ( if I can) to later in the year so that the dcs get a chance to settle here before we drag them somewhere else.

Dh says his mother will be devastated - and I think he is right because she has been very excited about our visit.

So, Aibu?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 17-Jun-11 13:08:49

I would have thought that it will be 'settling' for your dcs to visit their dgps and regain a sense of an extended family after being relocated so far from all that they know/knew.

If you also present the trip as an exciting holiday it may serve as a diversion which will enable them to settle quickly on your return.

I also feel very much for your dh's dps as I'm sure they're over the moon at the prospect of seeing their ds and his family in a few weeks time, and I think it would be cruel to disappoint them at this late stage.

Overall, I'm sorry to say that YABU especially if you wouldn't want to postpone the trip if it were your dps waiting at the other end of the line

fedupofnamechanging Fri 17-Jun-11 13:12:46

A lot can change in 3 weeks. by then your DC may be feeling a lot happier and more settled, especially as you've now found childcare and won't be dragging them from place to place looking.

I'd try to have a peaceful 3 weeks and then go on holiday. It will be good for you too, you will have doting GP's who will help you with the DC and you can have a bit of a rest. It must be very stressful and exhausting moving and trying to get everything sorted.

eurochick Fri 17-Jun-11 13:15:29

I think you should go. I bet they will love to see the GPs and vice versa.

tryingtoleave Fri 17-Jun-11 13:17:00

If it was my dps ( although I only have a father now) I would postpone without hesitation because they would not get upset. this is not about anti- mil feeling - the only reason I am hesitating is because I am taking her feelings into account.

The dcs will be unsettled (tantrumming, falling apart, not sleeping). They always are in new places. Sydney is more familiar to them as it is only a three hour drive from where we were and they had visited my parents here before and they are still very unhappy.

bubblecoral Fri 17-Jun-11 13:22:27

If you know the visit will unsettle your dc's, there is no point an anyone trying to tell you otherwise. You know them best.

I would be putting my children before my parent or IL's in this situation, without a doubt. Just because they can't verbalise their upset about the visit in the same way as MIL can about her lack of visit, does not mean that the children's feelings aren't equally as valid. In fact, they should count for even more, because they are children, who are without the capability of explaining, and who are relying on you to put them first.

Why can't you see if MIL wants to visit you instead. That might actually benefit the children and help them to settle.

tryingtoleave Fri 17-Jun-11 13:31:07

Thanks, bubble coral - I would like to think the Dcs would be happy ( and actually I think ds would enjoy lots of the trip ) but experience suggests that it will not be so.

My mil visited us about a month ago, and at Xmas time and is planning a visit later in the year. The dcs do see her fairly often but I think she was really excited about having them in her home and showing them off.

It would be nice to have a break but it would certainly be more restful for me here, in a routine, with sleeping children.

tryingtoleave Fri 17-Jun-11 13:32:24

And I'm not planning to postpone indefinitely - just to try to change the tickets to September, if I can.

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