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to make a formal complaint about my boss? (sorry, long rant!)

(23 Posts)
extremepie Fri 17-Jun-11 10:49:41

Basically I started a new job just over a month ago and my manager seems to have made it his mission to make my life hell.

I had to go to another store for training for about 2 weeks to start with as my store had not yet opened, the staff there were all lovely and welcoming to me, everyone treated me with respect and thanked me for doing a good job on numerous occasions.

The lady who did my interview also really liked me and even specially requested that I do my training at her store because she wanted to work with me!

Not trying to blow my own trumpet here, just giving a bit of background!

Since being at my store it has been completely different. Virtually every day I work my manager calls me to his office to complain about my performance - I can't go through everything he's said to me because that would take forever but here are a few choice quotes:
when told by another member of staff that the way he spoke to her was rude he said 'thats just the way I am'
'everything you do is wrong'
'your attitude is terrible'
'you are not a team player'
'I have to watch you all the time'
'don't expect brownie points just because you stayed behind (after your shift)'
'I could have dismissed you a long time ago'
'you are victimizing yourself'
'you keep disappointing me and letting me down'
'you're not taking this seriously, you obviously don't care about your job'.

The last one was particularly upsetting for me as I have spent hours filling in my training book, up until 1 in the morning but apparently none of my effort matters sad I have also been told that I have to take responsibility for my own training and it is basically my fault that I haven't received proper training (?)
I'm just so frustrated and fed up at the moment I don't even want to go back to work, I have been accused of lying about being ill (he said 'if you wanted to spend the day with your kids you could have been honest') and cheating on the test I had to pass as part of my training.
He gives me completely conflicting instructions and then shouts at me when I don't follow one of them!

I'm so stressed I'm getting palpitations, mouth ulcers and migraines and cry all the time - his constant critisism and lack of any sort of praise and encouragement is making me horribly depressed and has eroded pretty much all traces of my confidence sad

Am I being unreasonable to make a formal complaint about his managing style to head office or am I just being a wuss? Help!

scurryfunge Fri 17-Jun-11 10:52:55

You need to complain. He sounds dreadful. Ask him to evidence his comments every single time and be persistent. Write everything down and try to speak to him only when there are witnesses. Never allow yourself to be alone with him as I bet he would not bully you so publicly.

schobe Fri 17-Jun-11 10:53:03

No, complain. He sounds utterly incompetent and also unprofessional if he is rude to staff.

Of course it might make life awkward if you're still working with him but, tbh, sounds like you've not much to lose and a great deal to gain.

Can you get any other staff members to make it a joint complaint?

SpecialFriedRice Fri 17-Jun-11 10:53:19

YANBU. He sounds like a petty little man on a power trip!

Is there any way you could get a transfer to the other store with the nice people?

Animation Fri 17-Jun-11 11:01:15

OMG - the man's an idiot.

He needs reporting.

In the meantime I would tell him to fuck off talking to you like that. Tell him to BACK OFF! You've a right to your own personal space at work and be able to get on with your job without this kind of harrassment.

He's a bully that's for sure. You have to stand up to bullies. You'll end up with Post Traumatic Stress at this rate.

Good Luck. smile

extremepie Fri 17-Jun-11 11:01:23

Unfortunately the closest stores to me other than my store are all in London and I can't afford the travel otherwise I would sad

Have reached the point now where I would rather be unemployed until I can find another job it's that bad - my husband want to go down there and punch him as he is sick of seeing me so upset every day.

Last week I had a full-on panic attack at work because I just couldn't take it anymore sad

At least 3 other members of staff have mentioned either to him or to me that they have had similar treatment and he is rude and obnoxious to them too, I just seem to get it worst, no other member of staff has left is office in tears on multiple occasions!

scurryfunge Fri 17-Jun-11 11:04:21

Please complain.

He should move, not you.

Make sure you keep any complaint factual and with evidence. You company has to take it seriously. Do you have an harassment policy at work?

LineRunner Fri 17-Jun-11 11:05:28

Of course you're not being a wuss! Bless.

Complain. And as schobe says, see if another staff member will back you up or complain too.

You might also ask Head Office for an immediate transfer at the same time as you complain. This will make them realise (a) you are serious, (b) you aren't the problem, your boss is, because (c) you want to stay working for the company.

Good luck.

Complain your arse off. And if possible, get your colleagues to back you. There is a certain kind of personality, that when given a tiny bit of power, thinks they are the centre of the universe. Time to pop his delusional bubble.

FamilyCircus Fri 17-Jun-11 11:09:23

That's awful sad

He's a bullying cunt!

You should complain, especially as you feel that you would rather be unemployed than continue to work there. I feel very sorry for you extremepie.

Animation Fri 17-Jun-11 11:11:52

Yes, he's not healthy to be around - an anxiety state is setting in already. Poor you!

I think you either have to fight him or leave the job - you can't stay there being abused like that.

And you know it's not a come down to leave - you have to think of your health and your life. Do you need this bully in your life?

Start documenting everything. Keep a diary and note down his comments with a date and time and the context in which they are made. Be very specific i.e. not he said something nasty but he called me into his office at 3.15pm and told me that "he could dismiss me whenever he feels like it."

This is really hard - try to hold it together when he is being an arse and not to cry as he is a classic bully so the more upset you get the stronger he feels. Note. he may get nastier if you dont cry but remember that gives you better evidence of his vile behaviour.

If he gets really nasty consider recording him once or twice - that way when you report him and he denies everything you play a recording of him ranting and his credibility is shot.

He may already have reputation with the company so any complaint you make may not be a total surprise to them.

Keep any complaint factual and non emotional i.e. a list of dates and times and comments made with a factual statement of how this made you feel e.g. upset, demoralised, hurt, belittled etc.

Good luck he sounds like someone on a power trip.

FamilyCircus Fri 17-Jun-11 11:19:13

Brilliant advice Chaz. I totally agree.

Also OP, if I didn't absolutely need this job and it was affecting my mental health like this I would tell him to fuck off and walk out. You deserve better than this so please don't put yourself through it if you don't have to. It's all very well to stay in a job out of principle but if he's making you cry and your husband wants to punch him it must be very bad. I would not work in a place like this unless it made the difference between eating and starving.

veritythebrave Fri 17-Jun-11 11:25:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErinGoBraLess Fri 17-Jun-11 11:38:53

I worked in a job where the boss' brother who wasn't even my boss only ever spoke to me to shout at me. My house was set on fire through the letterbox and the hallway and landing were smoke damaged. I'd been up all night giving statements to the police, talking to the fire brigade etc. I called work to let them know. He snatched the phone off my colleague and called me a fucking liar! He was ranting so much that I broke down in tears and the policeman who was there could hear him shouting and was shocked. I was wearing sooty clothes and my hair and face were a mess. Despite this the policeman insisted on driving me to work to show my boss my appearance. The policeman wanted to give her brother a piece of his mind. When I walked in the place went silent and my boss' jaw hit the floor. In fairness my boss herself was great, gave me two weeks emergency holiday with pay and told me to keep her up to date. Her brother didn't look at me once even when made to apologise by the kind policeman. Strangely shortly after this he fell ill with kidney failure and we became friends. I think because I showed compassion and used to warm his dialysis bags up for him and make him comfortable and took some of his clients on maybe? I showed that just because he was a twat, I didn't have to follow suit.

fourstickymitts Fri 17-Jun-11 12:40:26

I think you need to complain, and soon. I assume that you are on probationary period? If he is making comments like that, it's fair to assume that he's collecting stuff about your performance, fair or otherwise.

I can understand completely why you've been off sick with all the stress, etc, but it still doesn't look to good to a distant HR Dept that you've been off sick with less than one month's employment. So you need to make sure you get your story across clearly and as factually as possible.

Is the manager new to the company as well? You said it was a new store?

Good luck. It's a sorry state that you are not being able to enjoy your new job.

twinky Fri 17-Jun-11 12:59:44

Complain directly to HR or your area manager today. My store went through a similar experience recently when a new manager was appointed. His behaviour was appalling and he seemed to particularly pick on a couple of employees. After one of them was so upset that she literally walked out the store in tears her husband phoned our Head Office. Happily he's no longer with us. Don't put up with it any longer.

extremepie Fri 17-Jun-11 14:48:42

Thank you for your support! Some really good advice on here, am thinking I will make a complaint about this.

I'm not perfect and I have made mistakes but he will take one example of when I have made a mistake and say 'you always do this' or 'you never do that', which I think is taking it a bit far!

He's been with the company for the last 5 years so I almost feel like they will be on his side if I make a complaint but surely if there are other staff who are unhappy with the way he treats them too it will be a vote on my side?

The really annoying thing is that if it weren't for him this job would be perfect for me, I was so excited to get a job with them and now its all going wrong sad

extremepie You're training, you're expected (and supposed) to make mistakes.

Do fight this one, however it ends up you will know that you defended yourself and didn't allow a crap tinpot little bully get away with it.

redexpat Fri 17-Jun-11 23:05:16

Keep a detailed record of what he sys and does.
Keep a record of how it is affecting you.
Complain to HR - perhaps contact the nice people at the other store?
Get your union involved.

atswimtwolengths Sat 18-Jun-11 00:04:08

I would record everything. Can you have your phone on 'record' in your pocket? Try it out with your husband talking, to see whether you can hear him clearly.

I think some evidence before you complain would be really useful.

PissesGlitter Sat 18-Jun-11 00:19:34

speak to the HR department
this will be taken seriously

ilovesooty Sat 18-Jun-11 01:44:49

He's a bully. Document everything and complain. Good luck.

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