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to resent getting parenting advice from mumsnetters who are not actually mums?

(181 Posts)
sweetuphoria Thu 16-Jun-11 18:52:05

Ok preparing myself for a barage of abuse here, this is something that annoys me in RL as well as Mumsnet...

Those people who are very forceful in their opinion about how to raise a child when they have none of their own. I mean I will admit I thought I knew kids until I had one of my own and then I realised how completely different it is looking after someone else's to having your own 24/7. Sorry but those without kids have NO IDEA!

TattyDevine Thu 16-Jun-11 18:53:59

Are you asking for advice when they do this? If so, YABU.

If you weren't even asking for advice but you get pulled up on details of a post to do with your parenting when you weren't asking for advice and its not particularly pertient to the post, then YANBU, though its not a lot to do with whether or not they have children, to be fair. Its advice - it doesn't have to be based on experience - you don't have to take it - and they don't even have to follow their own advice when they have kids. Its just advice.

Merlotmonster Thu 16-Jun-11 18:54:30

but like, as you say, you thought you 'knew kids' before you had them...maybe they are trying to help??

Littlepurpleprincess Thu 16-Jun-11 18:54:48

YANBU. The lady who works at our local sure start play cafe has no children but it is her job to hand out parenting advise. She is lovely, and a fantastic listener, but she doesn't get how difficult it is.

OvO Thu 16-Jun-11 18:54:55

There are a LOT of people with children whose opinions are bollocks. grin.

TattyDevine Thu 16-Jun-11 18:55:26

I would also add that in general, in real life, there are a lot of parents who won't take any kind of acvice/opinion/general stance from people who don't have children yet feel those child-free people should be happy to talk about children all day long. That is unfair.

You are not necessarily one of them.

I have 2 children by the way, so hopefully I am allowed to say that grin

diabolo Thu 16-Jun-11 18:56:04

And teachers, lots don't have kids but some certainly seem to "get" children in a way some parents don't.

LadyWithNoManors Thu 16-Jun-11 18:57:25

YANBU. Lots of advice given is good in theory but it's a different story when you're in that position ie. controlled crying, discipline etc.

HidinginaHardHat Thu 16-Jun-11 18:57:27

It's like health visitors and midwives who aren't parents. They don't have the empathy, but sometimes thats a good thing because you're getting an objective opinion rather than one clouded in emotions.

foolserrand Thu 16-Jun-11 18:58:11

I don't like having advice forced upon me by anyone but, everyone has been brought up by someone so will have some ideas of what did (or didn't) work on them. But it would beyond me more than anything so... yanbu.

firemansamantha Thu 16-Jun-11 18:59:01

I pissed myself laughing when my childless friend was very earnestly slagging off her friend's parenting of her toddler to me.

"SHe gives him all these choices - does he want the blue t shirt or the green one? Does he want to brush his teeth in the bathroom or in the lounge? She should just TELL him what's happening instead of asking him"

Ok, thanks for that. I take it you have FUCK ALL experience of trying to deal with a toddler who kicks off over getting dressed or brushing their teeth then.

eurochick Thu 16-Jun-11 18:59:03

YABU. Remember that people without kids still have to interract with them (in shops, at friends' houses, etc) without the benefit of the unconditional love that parents have. So if they offer a word of advice, consider that it might be helpful or be more "objective" than that of a parent.

HidinginaHardHat Thu 16-Jun-11 18:59:51

Oh and i really REALLY resent DP (who isn't my DC's dad nor does he have any children of his own) stating he knows what it's like to be a parent and basis his parenting technique on how he helped out with his kid step sister. Who he only saw once every 3 weeks. I wouldn't mind if he formed his opinions based on the time he HAS been a step-parent but everything is a reference to how he's a big brother so knows it all.

And breathe.

littlelapin Thu 16-Jun-11 18:59:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foolserrand Thu 16-Jun-11 19:00:18

Not quite sure what that last sentence was supposed to mean. Suffice to say while they probably think they are being helpful, it would annoy the shit out of me.

That was the gist.

worraliberty Thu 16-Jun-11 19:01:07

YABU if you asked for advice.

Actually, I've had better advice from non parents in the past than some parents who only have one child.

The trouble with having only one child can sometimes be that the parents think the way their child has turned out is exlusively down to their good parenting.

I used to think this as my eldest was an only child til he was 7 and a half. Then I had another 2...and I soon learnt that two parents can produce such very different children.

sweetuphoria Thu 16-Jun-11 19:02:30

Good point 'merlotmonster' and I think that's in part where my annoyance stems from because I was one of those people who thought I had all the answers before I knew how difficult parenting was!

WhoAteMySnickers Thu 16-Jun-11 19:02:50

If I need advice I'm happy to take it from whoever, if I think it's good or it may work.

worraliberty Thu 16-Jun-11 19:05:00

"SHe gives him all these choices - does he want the blue t shirt or the green one? Does he want to brush his teeth in the bathroom or in the lounge? She should just TELL him what's happening instead of asking him"

FiremanSamantha I'm a Mum of 3 and I agree with what your friend said.

That's the thing, we all agree/disagree with opinions/advice on here so I don't really think it matters whether it's being given by parents or not.

TidyDancer Thu 16-Jun-11 19:05:01


Some of the best advice I have ever had has been from non-parents because they are objective.

It is really silly to dismiss help or advice from non-parents solely because they are non-parents. Even sillier to resent them trying to help.

DaisyLovesMetronidazole Thu 16-Jun-11 19:05:28


I happily take any advice I deem to be good, regardless of the source.

Being a parent doesn't make someone a good parent.

sweetuphoria Thu 16-Jun-11 19:07:09

Of course there are exceptions to the rule such as nannys, teachers etc. So I accept that I am being unreasonable to generalize!

HidinginaHardHat Thu 16-Jun-11 19:07:21

worral i was going to say the same although i'd say give them a choice of two things you want them to wear grin

worraliberty Thu 16-Jun-11 19:11:10

Hiding "Wear this or wear nothing" is a choice in my book grin

EverythingInMiniature Thu 16-Jun-11 19:11:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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