...to stop reassuring others when all they do in return is pointing out my faults?!(11 Posts)
GRRRRRRRRRRRR! It really gets to me... does this happen to anyone else?
Scenario 1: Had the babysitter over to look after DS (2,5 years) and DD (9 months) while I went to the dentist for an hour. House was clean, tidy, I made her a Jug of coffee and left biscuits on the table for her while I was out (tried to make her feel at home and welcomed). She normally is an aupair looking after one of DS's friends. I come back to her holding up three of DS's 'pretend food' itmes and one of my slippers, saying she found them under the sofa and I may want to clean them. GRRRRR!!!!! How dare she looks at me with that look of disgust?! ffs she is an aupair who doenst even tidy her bedroom, let alone has to ever spend one minute of her day ever doing any housework.( the family she lives with has a cleaner).
Scenario 2: DH's friends over for lunch. They spent most of that afternoon pointing out my/ our faults. Ridiculous cake that I made ('OH, did your husband turn six, hahaha'), poor DD not being comfortable in her buggy (lower seat of a P&T..'oh look MY SON CAN LOOK AT ME WHILE IN HIS BUGGY' bleurgh! ), 'oh no, you don't have a car? WE HAVE TWO!!!! hahahah', me wearing my hair up (oh no, I could never not look after myself'). I spent all day before their arrival cooking six different dishes, making cake, cleaning and tidying. And that with 2 yo DS and then 7 mo clingy DD.
I felt like shite after that afternoon. They let their 3 yo son wreck our front room as well. spreading cake everywhere, jump on sofas, let him scatter tiny pieces of board games he took out of shelves all over the floor. It was ridiculous, not once did they ask him to play nicely (lots of toys around).
Maybe I'm imagining it, but whenever I make the effort of being super-nice I get this rubbish behaviour back!
Your DHs friends sound horrible. Was DH upset or offended by their comments or was he oblivious? I wouldn't bother with them again. Trust everybody once.
Ignore the au pair. You said it yourself she doesn't do any housework herself.
Nuttella, you may just have been unlucky. Try and stay nice, it should be rewarded.
Your dh's friends sound like utter pricks. I wouldn't be having them around again any time soon.
DH's friends just sound bloody rude. I think if I were you I'd have walked out when they made the remark about the cake and left them to it. Au pair's behaviour is more borderline, I would say, she may have just been trying to be helpful. But in general I think guests seldom appreciate how much people do when they come over and generally best not to let it get to you too much.
Sounds to me they were rather fazed by all the effort you made, jealous of your lovely home, husband and children and how attractive you are and went on the offensive. I wouldn't have them back.
I'm amazed you clean and tidy and make all that effort with two such young DCs - when I was at home when DD2 was a baby and DD1 was 3/4 I just used to let people take us as they found us, which involved doing a quick sweep of the room for toys and sticking them in the corner, and probably would have got ready made stuff from Waitrose for the lunch.
Your DH's friends sound like total nobs and were probably jealous that you had managed a clean tidy house and cooked a variety of lovely dishes with two young children in tow.
And why on earth was the au pair looking under your sofa anyway?
You haven't said it specifically, but your DH was there presumably when his friends were over?
Why didn't he pick them up on their appalling behaviour?
You sound lovely and welcoming, and the two examples you've used sound disgustingly rude and selfish.
YABU to change though, karma will come back to give you a big wet kiss at some point
Yes, DH was present as well (would have been funny to eat his birthday cake without him . He was out of earshot when said woman made most of her comments but he did pick up on their rudeness.
He was quite disappointed about their behaviour and kept saying that despite them being in their late thirties and me in my mid twenties, I seemed a lot more mature. He thinks they might not have a big social circle and may only worded things unfortunate?! They seem to only meet up with family from what I understood.
I met the couple of them only once before for a quite pleasant lunch- outside. I know we are invited over in a couple of weeks to a BBQ at theirs. I'm dreading it already as I'm worried we'll then have to return the invite at the next turn
The DH's friends are jealous and insecure. If you have to see them again, it might be worth your while deciding which one leads the other one around by the nose. You could focus all your afforts, conversation and attention on the 'weaker' one and leave the manipulator in the cold. If they are both awful, I'd take Sugar's advice and ask them if they mean to be rude because it does seem to be an odd thing for them to be doing. Say it with a smile and it's very powerful while not being seen to be 'rude' yourself.
If you have the babysitter again, just ask her to put any bits and bobs she comes across in a box or basket.
You sound nice.
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