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To have been a bit mean to DS?

(16 Posts)
PandorasFox Thu 16-Jun-11 13:31:03

Sat in the car the other day and ds(12) is going on about when he leaves school and wondering whether he'll be like me. Then he says something about "well I hope not, 2 kids at 18 and no job" hmm I didn't have two kids at 18 btw but I let it go and didn't react. A few minutes later he asked what my stretch marks were. I'm starting to get irritated by this point so just said "Nothing" so he said "well, you did tell me they were from being pregnant but I know other people who have had kids and they don't have skin like that". At this point I snapped and reminded him that he isn't perfect either and if he's going to be delibrately offensive he should be ready to receive insults back and is he ready for that. He went quiet, apologised and then sat staring out of the window touching his teeth. I know he's self concious about his teeth and he has had a bit of bullying about them (they stick out a bit) and I think he thought I was refering to that when I said he wasn't perfect either.

I'm now worrying I have made him think even I laugh at his teeth.

I just wanted to make him realise it isn't nice to constantly go on about someone's faults.


AgentZigzag Thu 16-Jun-11 13:38:17

But you didn't mention his teeth, you only reminded him it's not nice to negatively comment on people, even/especially your mum (oh the irony of me saying that on MN grin).

They're all cheeky beggers at some point, at least he backed down and apologised, that's a big plus on the way you've brought him up.

Don't fret about it smile

Lillyofthevalley Thu 16-Jun-11 14:09:01

As you have put it across in your op it does sound like you over reacted and were abit over sensitive like you were already irritable about something and your ds's comment about stretch marks was the straw that broke the camels back.
Of course without actually being there its hard to judge wink

But there again I have a 6yr old and am used to insults like 'Mummy, have you got a baby in your tummy?' 'No' 'then why are you so fat then?'

Not saying what your son said or what my ds said is right but I know in my son's case his is still learning what's what and perhaps your son is too?

Lillyofthevalley Thu 16-Jun-11 14:13:41

*pressed the post button when I have more to say*

Only you can really judge weather this was rude for your son i.e was the snapping warented. If he is still learning social stuff then snapping at him probably was not the greatest idea (although I have done it in the past and makes you feel pants).

Don't beat yourself up about it though, kids are resiliant and he has probably forgotton all about it smile

Bluebell99 Thu 16-Jun-11 14:22:03

Hmmm sounds like you overreacted a bit, but to be honest at 12, he could be a bit more empathetic. At least he knows now that talking like that will upset you! I would have said not all people get stretch marks but alot do. And I guess it is nice if he does have some ambitions for his life. I don't know, I guess only you know if he was saying those things to be unpleasant. Rereading yr post, it does sound like he was trying to wind you up.

janetsplanet Thu 16-Jun-11 14:23:21

my lad is the same (nearly 14) he doesnt want to be like me. he is gonna be in a top paying job blah blah, not sat at home all day on benefits (im a carer for his sister)
Like you i try and and ignore it but it can really get to you when you have summat on ya mind already

Pandemoniaa Thu 16-Jun-11 14:25:57

I don't think it hurts to remind your dcs that it isn't always open season to be rude to your mother. At 12 your ds is old enough to think before he speaks.

TrillianAstra Thu 16-Jun-11 14:33:41

If you didn't have two kids at 18 then you should perhaps tell him to practice his maths skills if he wants to get a decent job.

(assuming he knows how old you are nd how old he and his siblings are)

sparkle12mar08 Thu 16-Jun-11 16:11:16

It's never open season on your mother, never mind not always! I would also have told mine off for rudeness like that, so no, yanbu.

MyDogHatesMe Thu 16-Jun-11 16:18:07

YANBU, I think you handled it really well and, as he backed down and apologised, so did he in the end. All you've done is let him know it's rude to be so insulting, you didn't make any personal comments about him. Don't worry about it.

CalamityKate Thu 16-Jun-11 16:20:55

I think that at 12 he knows full well he was being rude.

When the kids are borderline rude/use an unpleasant tone and I pull them up on it and they're all wide-eyed and "What? What? What did I say???" I ask them "Would you say that/say it like that to a teacher?"

So - do you reckon he'd have asked the same of a teacher? If "Maybe" then yes, you overreacted. If "No" then no, you didn't and he needs to learn to treat you with the respect he'd afford a non-parent.

AgentZigzag Thu 16-Jun-11 16:26:17

"What? What? What did I say???"

I think that must be a universal statement from the DC Kate grin

He should definately know better at 12, my DD1 used to go round saying I had a small bum because she'd heard ladies liked to hear that grin

I didn't dissuade her.

CalamityKate Thu 16-Jun-11 17:09:10

Zigzag - ha! My eldest has taken to saying "Mummy, you look so slim!" when he comes out of school! He'll get by on charm alone, that one grin

valiumredhead Thu 16-Jun-11 17:09:32

When the kids are borderline rude/use an unpleasant tone and I pull them up on it and they're all wide-eyed and "What? What? What did I say???" I ask them "Would you say that/say it like that to a teacher?"

I can be heard saying that too grin

cricketballs Thu 16-Jun-11 18:05:29

Calamity - its the other way round for me - "would you say that to your mum?" or usually "would you like someone saying that about your mum?" grin

op - at 12 he knows he is being rude; if he is big enough to give it then he needs to learn how to take it......

midori1999 Thu 16-Jun-11 18:26:42

I would be furious if my DS's spoke to me like that. At 12 he is old enough to understand that making personal remarks is rude and actually quite nasty.

I am also lucky enough to have well trained DC. If I am going anywhere so have made an effort to put decent clothes on or wear make up etc, they always tell me I look nice. (Pity my DH isn't so well trained.... hmm )

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