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not to accomodate my in-laws? Ok, it's a WWYD really.

(104 Posts)
Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 16-Jun-11 12:51:43

I've just accidentally got rid of the guest bedroom, is the thing:

I have a 4BD house. 3BD are upstairs along with the master bathroom, currently deposed as master/DD's/study. The 4th is downstairs in a sort of side extension, next to the second bathroom. This is very handy for guests, who therefore have a lot of privacy - as do we. Also it means we don't have to deep clean the upstairs

The study is used regularly by DH, who is in the finishing stages of his doctorate, and by me as a sewing/craft room. The guest room is used 2 or 3 times a year by his mother. Once a year she is accompanied by his father, that's the only time he visits. I have posted before about the family culture being that One Does Not Stay In Hotels.

We're expecting a second child. We decided to give them separate rooms. Obviously DC2 has to be upstairs as well. So we turned downstairs into a study/guest room; it's far more convenient to have the study downstairs for various reasons. This meant replacing the spare bed with a sofabed.

ANYWAY. Turns out the room's smaller than we thought and the desk is bigger. So we have this lovely newly painted room, with the desk and the bookshelf in it...and we can't fit a double sofabed in there. Like, really not at all. Well, not if you want to get in and out of the room, anyway.

So. Either we can buy a single sofabed, which means that MIL can stay over but not with FIL. Or buy a double and put the baby's room? And the baby can come in with us during their stays? Which means they'll be staying upstairs after all, without their own bathroom and with all the attendant nocturnal kid-related disturbance. The only other option I can see, replacing the desk and bookshelf with much smaller versions to free up space, costs money we don't have, and also having a nice big desk is v v useful.

They're going to be offended anyway I slice this, aren't they?

StealthPolarBear Thu 16-Jun-11 12:52:57

can you not move the desk and bookshelf for the duration?
Or buy them bunk beds?

StealthPolarBear Thu 16-Jun-11 12:53:38

Or have them top to toe in a single?

swash Thu 16-Jun-11 12:54:03

Buy a single bed that can convert into a double bed - John Lewis do them - for your eldest child's room. When PILs come, eldest child can sleep on a blow-up bed in your room or the baby's. You can't justify not putting up your PILs when you have a 4BD house.

chicletteeth Thu 16-Jun-11 12:55:25

They bloody well shouldn't be.
They are still not staying in a hotel are they.
What would they do if you only had a 3 bed house to begin with and no downstairs bathroom?
You can't organise your house around guests showing up 3 times a year and anybody who thinks you should is a fool.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin Thu 16-Jun-11 12:55:38

Sofa bed in the sitting room?

ZacharyQuack Thu 16-Jun-11 12:56:57

Air bed?

Twin beds in one child's bedroom, children share with you or each other when ILs stay?

You need to make the best use of the rooms you have for the family that lives in them all year, not reserve space for ILs to use 2-3 times a year.

BranchingOut Thu 16-Jun-11 12:57:11

Don't put it in the baby's room, because that baby will sooner or later be a child and need the space.

I think that buying the single sofa bed is the best option.

YOu are still being hospitable to MIL, but maybe when FIL comes they will have to grit their teeth and stay in a hotel.

chicletteeth Thu 16-Jun-11 12:57:21

Double in the baby's room seems like the best option if you want to be accomodating.
They will just have to suffer the noise, you have a young family.
I disagree with swash, you don't have to let anybody stay in your house if you don't want to, regardless of the number of bedrooms.

ZacharyQuack Thu 16-Jun-11 12:58:05

Have you got a lawn?

How would the ILs feel about camping? <evil grin>

chicletteeth Thu 16-Jun-11 12:58:49

You can buy the single beds that have a pull out bed underneath so they each get their own bed.
I guess you could put it in either of your girls rooms and on the occasion they stay, IL will have to stay upstairs and deal with the noise

sheeplikessleep Thu 16-Jun-11 12:58:55

Agree with Cicletteeth.
Get a single proper bed for the spare room. Get a single airbed, which can be got out for the 1 time a year your FIL visits (if it doesn't fit in that room, it can go in living room surely?).

Reminds me of my SIL who was absolutely shocked when DS2 came along that we 'converted' our spare bedroom to a bedroom for DS2. Her face was 'where on earth are we going to sleep now when we visit?'

dickiedavisthunderthighs Thu 16-Jun-11 12:58:56

Am I missing something here? Unless you hate your PIL then why on earth wouldn't you want to make sure they are comfortable and accommodated when they stay? My parents have my bedroom when they stay, it's never occurred to me to do anything else.
This all sounds very mean TBH.

ashamedandconfused Thu 16-Jun-11 12:58:57

some ILs sleep on sofas and airbeds when they visit - offer them that and they have the option of a hotel if they want!

we used to have a single bed with a pullout under it when we only had 2 DC and they were small enough to share/come in with us so we could have a temporary guest room

we now can only accomodate one guest if DS come in with us and they have his room, other than that its airbeds on any bits of floor we can find!

Ragwort Thu 16-Jun-11 12:59:18

How long does FIL stay when he visits?

Can they have your room when they stay and you and DH cuddle up in the single bed/have a mattress in with one of the children etc.

Yes, it means they will have to be upstairs with the DC but maybe that will make them look more favourably on a hotel in future - what's the history behind not staying in hotels? <nosey>.

Mumsnet has made me determined to stay in a hotel/ B & B when (if) I ever become a DGM/MIL grin.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 16-Jun-11 12:59:21

Stealth, too young for bunks - DD will be just 3 when DC2 arrives. And the desk and bookshelf - what, you mean move them out of the room and move a bed in? Where would we keep the bed the rest of the time? Anyway not really; we had to dismantle the desk to get it in there and reassemble it (which should have been a clue, really).

Swash - but then in-laws still don't have their private room and bathroom and are in the middle of the family chaos. But I agree, this is probably the best way.

Even - thought of that, but it's a really open living area, and FIL goes to bed early, so that would mean everyone stopping socialising at around 8pm and going off to their separate...actually, this is sounding like a very very good idea.

StealthPolarBear Thu 16-Jun-11 13:00:23

I meant bunk beds for your ILs wink

ashamedandconfused Thu 16-Jun-11 13:00:43

You need to make the best use of the rooms you have for the family that lives in them all year, not reserve space for ILs to use 2-3 times a year

hear hear - the voice of common sense!

ashamedandconfused Thu 16-Jun-11 13:02:03

Re : Can they have your room when they stay

no one, but NO ONE gets our bed. certainly not ILs.

sheeplikessleep Thu 16-Jun-11 13:02:07

ashamed - op is expecting, i wouldn't think any mil would expect her dil to give up her bed?

i really don't get this whole 'get out of your own bed' when visitors stay (unless said visitor has a bad back / very old etc).

MamaChoo Thu 16-Jun-11 13:02:46

Any problems to do with my ILs, i refer to Choo-san. They are his parents and their fads are his headache, not mine. Therefore, he has to come up with a solution that works for them and me, and if he cant, he has to break the bad news to them.

MollysChamber Thu 16-Jun-11 13:04:05

I think an air bed too.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 16-Jun-11 13:04:46

Not a history, just the family culture. When we visit we are Not Allowed to stay in hotels either, even though that means the entire family reshuffling so that we can squeeze into their little guest bedroom. It's just a family norm.

If they stay upstairs we'd have to as well, we can't sleep downstairs on the single because we wouldn't hear the kids when they wake. I suppose we could get a sofabed for the baby's room, give them our room and sleep in with the baby (but then that's the same as giving them the sofabed in the baby's room and bringing him/her in with us, surely?).

They stay for about 5 days. He works and lives overseas, so gets leave once or twice a year and they do the family visiting circuit then.

Oh, the other background to this is that it is actually our turn to visit them for Christmas this year, and I have refused on the grounds that we will have a 4 week old and it would be madness. So we're already on the back foot.

sheeplikessleep Thu 16-Jun-11 13:05:10

sorry ashamed, i read too quick and was referring to dickiedavis' post.

<i must read more thoroughly before typing in future>

BalloonSlayer Thu 16-Jun-11 13:06:36

Get a smaller desk and bookshelf?

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