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Should I make a complaint or are DH and I being oversensitive?

(64 Posts)
StrawberriesAndScream Thu 16-Jun-11 11:55:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justkeepingheadabovewater Thu 16-Jun-11 11:59:37

I would give your hospitals PALS a ring. This sounds like he may need some 'sensitivity' training! You would think that a sonographer in EPU would be a little more careful about how he words things.
In my experience of EPU scans, (lots sadly) the sonographer has been truthful, but kind at the same time. It's possible to be professional and empathic too!
Very glad your baby is doing well! smile

blackeyedsusan Thu 16-Jun-11 12:00:16

that is really insensitive.. sad

glad you have got a wriggly baby, nothing worse than looking down the loo at what could have been your baby...

RitaMorgan Thu 16-Jun-11 12:04:38

I think you should complain - although you had good news, someone else could get bad news and being treated so insensitively could have an awful impact on them.

TotallyLovely Thu 16-Jun-11 12:05:39

Yep sensitivity training.

TheOriginalFAB Thu 16-Jun-11 12:06:57

Well, he is right in that you would have noticed your baby passing as I did and I was less pregnant than you are, but the way he has worded it is totally out of order. Definitely phone PALS and mention it.

Congrats on the baby smile.

Icelollycraving Thu 16-Jun-11 12:12:13

Bizarre,my reply disappeared hmm
Well,congratulations on yr wriggly baby smile
It isn't worth a formal complaint but definately worth raising in terms of sensitivity training. I have had some lovely sonographers & some that were grumpy,moody & so matter of fact that it could be seen as cold. Strangely the female sonographers were the latter. This is my experience only.
Take the good news & cherish it!

TheFantasticFixit Thu 16-Jun-11 12:12:20

Gosh OP I'm so angry for you. We had a 'scare' the other day and I felt 30 minutes of what you have unfortunately had to no doubt go through a number of times with your bleeds. I cannot get over the lack of sensitivity - how DARE he treat your pregnancy and baby so flippantly? DO complain - no woman who is going through such an anxious time should have to put up with crappy comments like that.

Massive congrats you to and your wriggler though - there is nothing quite like that relief of seeing them flitting around on the screen, is there? smile

StrawberriesAndScream Thu 16-Jun-11 12:13:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFantasticFixit Thu 16-Jun-11 12:18:51

Strawbs - you could ask PALS to ensure that you don't have him again perhaps at a regular scan? Not sure if they would do that but might be worth a go?

LadyClariceCannockMonty Thu 16-Jun-11 12:30:30

I'd complain, but in a nice constructive way (at first, anyway), as others have suggested. He does need training but he probably didn't mean to be so insensitive. Poor you! I hope your subsequent experiences are nicer.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 16-Jun-11 12:58:15

What Clarice says.

MCs are pretty brutal and most of the time I don't think there's any point being too coy about that, not in a medical setting at least.

Equally though I don't think there was much point in the sonographer saying what he did - it was ill-judged.

I'd talk to PALS.

BalloonSlayer Thu 16-Jun-11 13:02:06

Bloody Hell!

Yes, say something.

PinotGrigiosKittens Thu 16-Jun-11 13:15:29

What a nobber. I assume he hasn't ever suffered the fear of potential bad news at a scan of his wife or partner, how fortunate for him.

Please do complain but only if it won't stress you out and upset you further.

Huge congratulations on littl wriggler smile

xstitch Thu 16-Jun-11 13:15:49

Definitely complain. There are ways to say things to patients and that isn't one of them.

PinotGrigiosKittens Thu 16-Jun-11 13:15:55


oops dropped my e!

ashamedandconfused Thu 16-Jun-11 13:18:06

shock needs some "bedside manner" training!

5Foot5 Thu 16-Jun-11 13:21:46

Actually I think it would have been better if you had said something at the time along the lines of "Oi that's a bit insensitive this is our baby you are talking about you know!" He would probably then have been a bit shamefaced, realised what he had done and maybe be nore careful in future.

Raising it as a complaint after the event seems to me to be escalating it a bit further than necessary.

xstitch Thu 16-Jun-11 13:26:51

While I get your point 5foot5 having been on the receiving end of a very insensitive sonographer it is very difficult to say something at the time. You are scared that your baby has died, you are already emotional and someone saying something like that just stuns you and you feel 100x worse.

I happen to think it is necessary to say something as the chances are he regularly speaks to patients like that and it is completely unacceptable.

PinotGrigiosKittens Thu 16-Jun-11 13:28:58

But if you're already tense about the scan, and then shocked by his twatty comments, you're in no fit state to think about a complaint at the time.

thelittlefriend Thu 16-Jun-11 13:36:46

I still wish I'd told someone at the hospital how upset a sonographer made me feel at an EP scan. He couldn't find a heartbeat, which thankfully was because it was just too early, but told me to go home and wait and see if I miscarry.

I was there to find out if the pregnancy was ectopic and wasn't expecting to even see a heartbeat. Instead of feeling happy that it was not ectopic, I went home and cried for two weeks, until my next scan showed a healthy heartbeat.

I now wish I'd said something as I still think about it.

ThisIsJustASagaNow Thu 16-Jun-11 13:36:52

Yes I think I'd def say something.

Although the notion that someone working in that environment actually needs to be trained not to say something so obtuse is mind bogglingshock.

Glad all is well for you though smile

StrawberriesAndScream Thu 16-Jun-11 13:44:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDTheFeministDragon Thu 16-Jun-11 13:52:01

That's awful! Please report him, I'm stunned he thinks that is ok to say.

MollysChamber Thu 16-Jun-11 13:57:05

Insensitive - oh yes.

Sounds like it's all a bit routine for him. Obviously lacking empathy. A gentle reminder from his manager probably enough.

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