to expect nursery staff to help my son wipe his bum?

[bumpertobumper]

He is 3 and a half has recently started at a new nursery (daycare, not school). He didn't settle as easily as i would have expected as he was upset when he wet himself while napping twice and his keyworker rather than ensuring he went to the loo beforehand tried to make him put on a nappy - he didn't like this at all, has been out of them since just over 2. He doesn't really need a nap anymore so now he just doesn't have one.

Soon after he was finally totally happy to go to nursery, but then he did a poo there for the first time. He asked his keyworker to wipe his bum and she told him to do it himself. he was then v upset again about going to nursery, even told me he wasn't feeling well (pulling a sicky at 3!!). I figured that this is what it was about, had a chat with him and told him i would talk to her - he was then totally happy to go off to nursery.
When i spoke to her she said that they always encourage the older children to do it themselves, and then finish off to ensure they are clean. She obviously didn't explain this well to him, and also didn't clean him up very well as he had an itchy bum on the walk home IFSWIM.
He is generally an easy going, happy little boy. had a bit of upheaval with arrival of a brother 9 months ago, moving house 3 months ago, with it having to leave a nursery where he was really happy. She knows all this. So far he has taken everything in his stride as well as or better than could be expected.

AIBU to expect his nursery keyworker to be a bit more sensitive and show some common sense around my son's loo going... It annoys me that this is an issue when he has enough on and this area in particular has never been any bother at all

[whatsallthehullaballoo]

Is your son starting school in September? I think they should have been more supportive but were right to get him to see to himself in the toilet. These things need to be taught sooner rather than later so they are ready for school in time.

Trying to put a nappy on him at bedtime is odd and not really the best thing but of course if he was upset at having wet himself the keyworker maybe thought she was doing the right thing.
If you are not happy though arrange a meeting with the supervisor so that his needs are met to your wishes.

[bumpertobumper]

thanks hullaballoo. He isn't starting school until next year. I agree he needs to learn, we do try a bit but he isn't there yet. I can totally see that it is good that they teach them at nursery but he specifically asked her for help and all he heard back was being told to do it himself - i am not confident in her communication skills i suppose. and hope for a bit of sensitivity for the new boy who is just getting settled.
I am reluctant to go to supervisor, even though it had crossed my mind before, as i don't want to be 'difficult'. I try to sort issues by talking to her. but probably being a bit english and not complaing enough...

[whatsallthehullaballoo]

Ok - I understand not wanting to bother the supervisor. Just say it in a 'do you mind helping him as he is fretting about going to the toilet and we do not want accident's do we?' kinda way rather than a 'you are not doing your job' kinda way. They should be helping him a little bit if he needs it.

Your ds shouldn't be upset at going to preschool - they should be doing their best to ensure he is happy and comfortable.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

YANBU - I think he should def get help wiping his bum!!!! My DS started school a week after he turned 4 and he couldnt wipe his bum by that stage. He did a poo at school (where they dont help them), tried wiping his bum himself, got poo on his finger and from there massive problems began which went on for a few years. He was scared to do a poo at school so he would hold it in as he would rather be in pain that get poo on his finger, he was frequently coming home with dirty pants or pants in a plastic bag where he had "touched cloth" a bit and then sucked it back in!!!!! I tell you, big nightmares and all coz they wouldnt help him wipe his bum!!

He is 8 now and I would only say it is in the last 6 months he has stopped soiling his pants and started wiping his bum - although we are still using wipes!

Nip it in the bud now and get the matter resolved...he is only 3, still a baby!

[MrSpoc]

ooh you have to be very careful about the peado's. there was one Post this week where a MALE (perv / Pedo / sicko) nursey worker took her PFB to the loo and actually changed his/her nappy.

Suppose you cant do right for doing wrong. (Sorry bit off topic).

[Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern]

YANBU to expect him to get help but are you absolutely sure she just said "do it yourself" end of conversation? Or did she actually say to try it himself and shed would finish off or something?
I agree the nappy not the best idea but she was possibly making a misguided attempt to avoid him feeling upset again while he was still settling in. Some children that age do still have a nappy for a nap so I don't think it was that awful.

[websticks]

At 3 and a half he should be wiping his own bum. He is not a baby! If he starts school in sept they will not wipe his bum for him so it is important he can do it before then.
However they should take him for a wee before a sleep and should not be suggesting putting him back in nappies

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

OP said he wasnt starting school till next year! I think 3 is very young to be wiping his own bum, none of the kids I know were doing it that young!

[feckwit]

I've never really understood why anybody would toilet train their child yet still wipe said child's bum. I expected mine to wipe themselves from day 1 of training, otherwise I would not consider them toilet trained.

[Eglu]

YABU! How mant times have we had this same thread? Children need to have some independence in this.