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to wish I was brave enough to sleep train my baby

(59 Posts)
Filibear Thu 16-Jun-11 08:30:40

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 16-Jun-11 08:35:47

Oh Christ, no you don't need to do anything of the sort! 21 weeks is what, not quite five months? Very very young, most sleep training advocates don't recommend it till 6 months at LEAST. Your HV is full of crap. Actually anyone saying 'rod for your own back' can be safely ignored.

You keep cuddling your sweet boy and enjoying it, and he'll enjoy it too, and you're both happy. When he's older, different techiques will work better and you'll both adjust. Nobody rocks a 5 year old to sleep, do they?

Tee2072 Thu 16-Jun-11 08:36:32


It's your baby. Do it your way.

Rod for your own back is bullshit. Fact.

RitaMorgan Thu 16-Jun-11 08:36:55

I'd ignore the hv - if you're happy with how things are now then just enjoy it!

If it aint broke, don't fix it. When it stops working for you, then change things.

I've heard it said before that it takes 3 days to make or break a habit. Maybe you'll want to sleep train in a few months, maybe your ds will grow out of it himself, maybe you'll even find you are quite happy cuddling him at 5 grin

TheCountessOlenska Thu 16-Jun-11 08:38:42

My 1 year old still falls asleep on me. And we co sleep. It doesn't bother me (much) but it sends HVs into a frenzy for some reason!

emsies Thu 16-Jun-11 08:39:14

If you are happy holding and comforting him DO IT! Tons of people do, its just some HV don't like it.

21 weeks is still a little little baby. I fed mine to sleep until 10 months, and then when I had decided to nightwean I did, but because I felt like it not because someone had told me. My daughter is now 2 and has slept perfectly (7-7) since she was 1.

I think it can build a secure bond with you and your baby so please don't stop just because someone says. Of course there is lots of advice if you want to stop but really really don't stop just because its the current trend (aka gina ford etc). If you want to read stuff I'd recommend "3 in a bed" (bizarely about co-sleeping but most of it that I liked was about natural parenting and I loved it. But you might need to avoid the co-sleeping but if you're not into that.) Or google Attachment Parenting or natural parenting if you want to find other mums with a similar view.

Really it is the most natural thing for a mum to do, and I think it just gets beaten out of new mums with each current trend.

I've just read the bit about PND - definitely definitely carry on if its helping you bond too, its such a natural bonding process smile You really can change things later if you want to.

WowOoo Thu 16-Jun-11 08:40:08

No, don't break the cycle of love.
You're doing what's right for your baby and you.

I had to cuddle and tickle my little 2yr old at 4 am this morning. I know some would say just leave him cry, but I'd rather we were all happy and got some sleep.
It does get better, it does!

jenrendo Thu 16-Jun-11 08:40:09

I agree. Keep cuddling! 21 weeks is far too young. I wish I'd spent longer cuddling DS when he was small because now he is a wriggly worm. HVs are not always right IMO. I was told by mine last week that I shouldn't be pulling DS up or supporting him to stand (he is 8 months and LOVES standing) because I will be stopping him from crawling, even though I know EVERY parent does it! Do what you feel is right and comfortable for you x

camdancer Thu 16-Jun-11 08:41:04

Of course you wont be hugging him to sleep when he's five - not unless you both want to. You, and he, will change so much between now and then.

At the moment you and your son need you to hold him to go to sleep. Is it causing you problems? if so, change it. If not, enjoy it. Ignore the health visitor.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Thu 16-Jun-11 08:42:26

He's 5 months old ffs. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Now if it were bothering you I might offer different advice but what's it got to do with her?

seeker Thu 16-Jun-11 08:43:16

Why do some people think that humans are the only mammals who need to force theri tiny babies into detaching themselves? Every other species cuddles and feeds to sleep - most other animal mothers only leave their babies for the briefest of moments when they are tiny.

Model yourself on a mother cat, not a health visitor with boxes to tieck!

Moulesfrites Thu 16-Jun-11 08:45:43

My ds is also 21 weeks and I feed him to sleep every night. I was worried about this but plenty of mn posts have reassured me that it is not a bad habit if we are both happy with it! It works, therefore I will continue to do it.

Carry on cuddling your lovely new baby.

Moulesfrites Thu 16-Jun-11 08:46:58

Meant to add, it is not a question of being "brave" enough to do cc etc. What is braver is to ignore your hv and stick with your instincts as a mother.

Iggly Thu 16-Jun-11 08:50:53

Ask your HV to justify her comments. Ask her how many 5 year olds she knows who are cuddled to sleep. And then ask what's wrong with that if they are?

Your baby will need cuddles regardless of sleep training anyway - when ill, teething or having a bad day. so even if you did do it, you might be cuddling a couple of weeks later... grin

justGetEmOut Thu 16-Jun-11 08:53:42

You DON'T need to sleep train your baby. I fed/ cuddled all of my 3 off to sleep for at least the first year, and I certainly wasn't doing it when they were 5. As they got bigger, we developed a gentle routine of bath, story, quiet cuddle in bed until they were asleep.

Then I progressed to laying next to them reading a book or something until they were asleep, then I would sit on a chair in their room until they were asleep. Eventually we got to the point where I could tuck them up and just pop in and out, folding laundry or something quiet, and they would happily go to sleep.

Yes, it took longer than sleep training would have done, but to me it was worth it. I also felt huge pressure from HV to sleep train with ds1, but it just felt wrong.

I think you should go with your instinct on this one. The whole idea of sleep training just happens to be fashionable here right now. Billions of babies the world over go to sleep in their mums arms every night. [Dons hard hat and prepares to duck] I think holding a baby until it sleeps is a natural, instinctive thing to do, and creates relaxed mums and happy, secure babies who have never been ignored as they try to communicate with the only means they have grin.

cyberfairy Thu 16-Jun-11 08:59:22

My son is the same age as yours and I have the same issue and possibly the same midwife! I have been getting so stressed by people telling me what he should be doing, i.e sleeping through the night, sleeping by himself in another room but now just doing what I feel comfortable with and gets me some sleep. We are both a lot happier and he is gradually getting 'better' about sleeping in cot for short periods.

DialMforMummy Thu 16-Jun-11 09:10:58

We did sleep training (CC) with DS but only when he was 6 months (it is the current recommendation) ans it felt right for us. It worked very well. I never bought the idea that sleep training damages babies. It is really up to the individuals and what they feel is right for their baby and them.

snailoon Thu 16-Jun-11 09:16:06

Keep carrying him and feeding/ cosleeping. Our 3 were very clingy for ages, and then turned VERY independent and confident.

Callisto Thu 16-Jun-11 09:25:34

Give your HV any book by Dr Sears and tell her that babies are not dogs that need to be trained.

DD was the original cling-on and I beat myself up for the first 7 months thinking I was getting it all horribly wrong. Then I discovered a book by Dr Sears and I found out that feeding to sleep, carrying DD around all the time and co-sleeping was not actually the dreadful thing that my HV etc were telling me. DD is now six, happily sleeps in her own bed (apart from a series of nightmares she is having at the moment - triggered by my mums death a couple of weeks ago I think), is independant, doing brilliantly at school and is a wonderful child in general. So believe in yourself and your instincts and tell your HV to sod off.

oranges123 Thu 16-Jun-11 09:29:55

My 18 month old DD still goes to sleep on me most nights and then I pop her into her cot (looks round nervously for approaching rod).

She co-slept with us for several months up to around 15 months old (although she would almost always start the night in her cot) and then she just stopped waking up during the night. We got loads of "watch out, my friend's friend did that and her children are 35 and still sleeping with her" type comments which bothered me a bit at the time and I still get them about the falling asleep on me business but I have just stopped worrying. As everyone here says my DD and your DS will stop when they are ready and feel more independent.

Carry on doing what you want to and what feels right until/unless it stops feeling right for you and your DS and ignore the naysayers.

hels71 Thu 16-Jun-11 09:59:43

I fed/cuddled my DD to sleep for 34 months..we also co-slept. At 34 months (almost to the day!) she told me she was a big girl now and wanted her own bed...and she settled herself to only wanting to be cuddled to sleep if she has had a bad dream.
Do what feels right for you...........

stuffthenonsense Thu 16-Jun-11 10:15:21

enjoy those precious precious cuddles, i doubt anyone EVER regrets cuddling their baby.

most ADULTS share their sleeping space with someone else so why would anyone want to force solitude on a child

enjoy your baby
ignore your health visitor

VeronicaCake Thu 16-Jun-11 10:25:34

Ignore your HV. Once DD's sleep started to improve (around 7m) she learnt to resettle herself in the night really fast. We went backwards and forwards a bit for the next few months but now most nights she sleeps 11-12 hrs straight. We did a lot of back-patting and singing to get her to the point where she could settle in the cot in the evening but only once she had started to resettle in the night by herself.

And I agree with stuffthenonsense I don't regret a single moment I spent cuddling her. Especially now she is a very independent little toddler who won't suffer being hugged for more than 30 seconds.

emsies Thu 16-Jun-11 15:01:48

I love threads like this. When I first had my daughter I felt like such a freak for baby-wearing, co-sleeping etc amongst my Gina ford obsessed contempories.

Its lovely to see others on a similar wavelength as I prepare to parent no 2!

People accused my daughter of being clingy (she was under 1 for goodness sake!) but as others have said above it tends to pay off later as she is such an independent, confident, happy toddler smile

jeckadeck Thu 16-Jun-11 16:05:02

most health visitors don't recommend you even start sleep training until six months so I wouldn't sweat it. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it if it works for you but the broader point is don't be bullied into feeling bad by a health visitor/parenting guru or anyone else. Do what works for you. But certainly the consensus is that under five months is quite young to be worrying about that sort of thing...

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