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to not want to get on with it and stand next to dh calling him a selfish twat instead

(12 Posts)
Fernier Wed 15-Jun-11 09:01:01

I posted a big long thread about things a while ago (i named changed but i cant be bothered now) here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1233716-I-have-namechanged-for-a-pathetic-attention-seeking-needy-post

Its hugely long the basic run of it was I was feeling crap because of stress which mostly resulted in DH and his depression.

A background to this morning : last night my dad called me and told me i was a fat slob my sister accused me of moaning when I was upset. I am currently reducing the dose of a blood pressure medication and I am feeling pretty awful (racing heart and anxiety is huge and i feel exhausted but I have been told it should ease when i get used to being without it). we have four children the youngest two are 2 and 10 months, the 10 month old is a very bad sleeper and at the moment we both have thrush she woke up at 11 and didnt sleep until one. my two year old woke at 3 although she did go quickly back and then my 10 month old woke at 4:30 and was awake for the day, I had to bring her downstairs to stop her waking the others.

I was exhausted and by this point feeling quite ill so i waited until about 7:30 and then went up to ask dh to help get the older ones to school - he works from home btw and doesnt normally start until about 10-10:30.

He didnt wake up, I started getting her ready and then went to ask again at this point he accused me of nagging and said the words "why cant you just get on with it I am working" whilst lying in bed snoring? hmm

aparently his life is much harder than mine and he is exhausted at the end of his day sitting in the conservatory doing about 5 hours of work chatting on messenger and watching films so i should therefore do all of the parenting.

He has no clue about anything in the hosue because he refuses point blank to help. we have lived here a year and he doesnt know where we keep the kids clothes.

He says he isnt depressed anymore and hes fine just tired because he works so hard. I have applied for jobs to try and get more money (obviously we are very short the way he acts) he had a major go at me saying he was depressed when I takled like that he doesnt want me to work.

Today I just snapped (my kids were around) I started calling him a selfish twat and various other unsavoury things which is totally ot of character for me - i dont normally even swear for gods sake.

The morning has been a failure, no one is dressed my daughter isnt in school and i cant stop shaking (dont know if its my total rage or the effects of coming off the medication)

DH is now sitting in the consevatory watching me (the fun part is that there are giant glass doors into the living room and so he will soon start moaning at me for sitting doing nothing). He is convinced he has been majorly wronged and that i am totally unreasonable.

all i can think at the moment is how i wish he would just get out - but then i would be a single parent to 4 children, with no money, no job and no family who would be at all interested in helping oh and no friends because we moved hundreds of miles from them so that dh could be happier living near HIS family (that worked out great didnt it)

seriously was i unreasonable to snap? should i just get on with it he did have depression he says he doesnt now does that give him a pass not to do anything? I actually am starting to feel unreasonable but theres a small part in the back of my mind that says ffs woman grow a back bones you never used to be this pathetic.

Fernier Wed 15-Jun-11 09:02:39

sorry that should be my kids were NOT around
not were

cjbartlett Wed 15-Jun-11 09:03:40

I'd leave him wih the other 3 kids and take dd to school

AitchTwoOh Wed 15-Jun-11 09:04:06

i am so sorry, i don't have time to read this all but are you coming off beta blockers? i hate them, they are a rubbish medication. there are heaps of other things to try, though, you should go back to your doctor. can't have untreated high bp with four kids...

Fernier Wed 15-Jun-11 09:05:33

yes i am coming off beta blockers sad I feel like crap atm my blood pressure isnt high i am coming off them because it was going too low. I am checking my blood pressure at home and it is normal so thats one good thing anyway!. Just reducing the dose is making me feel awful

kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 15-Jun-11 09:05:45

YANBU. I would have called my DH much worse than that.
Not sure what the answer is though, would he be willing to set aside 30 minutes of his busy hmm day to talk to you?
I really think you need a fairer division of labour. You are the one doing everything it sounds like and you have my sympathy.

fuzzpigFriday Wed 15-Jun-11 09:06:52

He sounds like a real arse what are you getting from the relationship?

WhoAteMySnickers Wed 15-Jun-11 09:07:57

I'd get the school age children ready and take them to school, then take yourself off somewhere for the day to calm down. Then when you are both in a better frame of mind you need to talk about sharing household jobs and parenting.

PhilipJFry Wed 15-Jun-11 09:14:43

Not unreasonable at all. I'm flabbergasted at his attitude towards...well, everything. You can't get a job, he won't help out at all with anything at home, he won't even get up to help with your kids while you are sick and need help. I mean ffs, that is ridiculous. They're his children too! Why should he get a free pass to do nothing when you're wearing yourself thin taking care of the children and the house single-handedly, whilst dealing with some nasty side effects as well?

For the sake of your health something needs to change and soon. He sounds so selfish and convinced he is right, he needs it hammered in that it's not on.

Fernier Wed 15-Jun-11 09:19:41

I dont think I can actually get them to school even though it sounds a bit pathetic - i fell so unwell atm I think from the withdrawl(?) its a two mile round walk to the school i just dont think i will make it sad My daughter has about 99% attendance this year (shes 6) so hopefully it wont be too bad.

I have given up trying to talk to him I had just started seperating off my life anyway we spend virtually no time together.

everytime I say anthing about it I end up being the one who apologizes though! Im glad i posted here i was about to give in and go ask if he was ok.

Truffleshuffler Wed 15-Jun-11 09:40:22

YANBU

spookshowangel Wed 15-Jun-11 10:17:21

he is a turd in your life love. seriously 4 kids your coming of strong medication he works from home and he wont help. nice man you have there, tell him to buck up or fuck off, looks like you dont get any support from him or your lovely family any way so what would you miss. yadnbu
reading this back before i post it sounds quite harsh think maybe you should get him to read this thread after a few more people have posted on here, maybe he will see how ur his behaviour seems to others.

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