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to think that my friends are being rude or just unthinking?

(21 Posts)
Gizboss Tue 14-Jun-11 20:41:10

I am part of a small group who all went to antenatal classes together. Two of the women are SAHM at the moment and I do consider them friends. I work part time and have two days at home with my DD and my days off are precious time to spend with her and to see baby friends/do social activities as my job is very full on the rest of the week. So I usually go to a group on a Tues morning with these two friends, today at the end of the group (11.30)they were talking about going to the park in the afternoon. It was a beautiful day so I said I would join them and we agreed to meet around 2.30-3ish in order to give children time for lunch and naps. They said they would text when setting off as they live nearer the park than me. At 1.30 I receive a text from one saying that she went to the park on the way home from the group and would be there until 2.30 and then was going home to see her mum, I replied saying that I wouldn't make it for then as DD was still asleep (she would know that this would be the case). The other then texts me at 3pm saying that she didn't know if she would make the park as she had decided to take her daughter to get her feet measured and would let me know if she could soon. At this point, I replied saying that I would make other arrangements for the afternoon. Now I know that this seems petty but is it? This isn't the first time they have done this to me and much as I love seeing them and their children (and I really do enjoy spending time with them) it is really annoying to cancel plans like this at the last minute. I have other local friends and had I known that I was free earlier I would have likely been able to arrange a park playdate with them. I don't know if they're being rude or just unthinking? I don't think it's worth saying anything but it makes me reluctant to make plans with them again. What do people think?

vmcd28 Tue 14-Jun-11 20:44:38

I can see both sides. they agreed to meet, but let you down. but it's just the park to them, and they realised they had other things to do...

MamaMary Tue 14-Jun-11 20:45:05

I don't think it was overly rude, tbh. The plan was pretty casual. But I can understand why you're a bit put out.

DogsBestFriend Tue 14-Jun-11 20:46:07

Just unthinking probably. It was a casual, flexible arrangement anyway and not one which needed tickets to be booked and paid for or a long journey to reach. I genuinely don't think that it sounds like your friends were intending to offend but that they were just being a bit dopey about the way their change of plans might be received.

Gastonladybird Tue 14-Jun-11 20:46:41

Agree with vmcd - it's annoying that they let you down but probably dont appreciate the value you put on the time with them or how annoying it is when you could have done something else.

SingleFosterMum Tue 14-Jun-11 20:47:11

I think you need to make your post easier to read.
I also think it's no biggie.
Why didn't you go straight to the park from the group and let the dc's nap in their prams?

whatsallthehullaballoo Tue 14-Jun-11 20:47:34

To be honest this sort of thing is usual for people with young childrne. Plans change all the time! I often say to friends that I might pop to tots group/ coffee shop/ park/ shop etc and then text because something has come up or I have changed my mind as do they!

I think yab a bit u because these are only cursory unimportant plans. It isn't worth losing friends over as many many people are like with day to day plans to fill time.

TartyMcFarty Tue 14-Jun-11 20:47:38

Probably just unthinking - I mean it was a last minute cancellation, but also a last minute arrangement by the sounds of it. I wouldn't worry about it just yet.

MEBMotherof3 Tue 14-Jun-11 20:48:52

I can also see both sides but as the parent of 3 young children my plans are constantly changing as the day goes on and it was probably just an annoying coincidence that both friends cancelled on you. You and your daughter could still have gone and had a great time on your own!

londonartemis Tue 14-Jun-11 20:48:56

I would be feeling a bit let down too Gizboss, but I am afraid these sorts of things are facts of life.
It's a bigger deal to you because you are less at home than they are, doing these sorts of things with your DD. I hope you went to the park anyway and had fun, maybe even met differents mums.

Gizboss Tue 14-Jun-11 20:49:40

Thanks guys, you're probably right, they just don't get it because they're at home all week after all. Anyone else have an opinion - or anyone else find themselves in a similar situation?

spookshowangel Tue 14-Jun-11 20:50:29

its a difference of lifestyles, as you said you need to be much more planed in you affairs. to them its just a trip to the park not a big deal. i dont really think its much to get worked up over.

Flyonthewindscreen Tue 14-Jun-11 20:51:42

It wasn't particularly rude of your friends but I can understand that if you have limited time to do baby related social things it is annoying to have one of your "slots" to do stuff like that wasted. I was mostly a SAHM when my DC were tiny but still found flaky last minute plan cancellation from friends a nuisance.

Jaspants Tue 14-Jun-11 20:52:47

Unthinking and unintentional I would say. Having had a full time out of the home job with DS and being at home full time with DD, IME they probably don't realise how precious your days at a home are - to them it's just another day with other stuff to do as well.

Don't take it to heart

FlamingFannyDrawers Tue 14-Jun-11 20:53:47

Do you think they met up without you?

barbie007 Tue 14-Jun-11 20:55:04

I hate it when people change plans at the last minute, it's very inconsiderate.
Next time you arrange anything with them, sort of insist that they are commiting, that it'll defenitely be on as last time you were disappointed that they both cancelled at the last minute....keep it light but make your point!

TattyDevine Tue 14-Jun-11 20:55:08

Yes I'd say no biggie as its only the park.

It has less "importance" if they can do it any time. Whereas one of them might have suddenly realised her daughter's shoes were tight and had some other reason why she wanted to do it then and not another day, etc.

Gizboss Tue 14-Jun-11 20:59:03

You know, I shall post here again as you've made me feel better and given me some perspective - I guess I just plan lots because I have to. Flaming: I don't think they met without me - though it's always a possibility I suppose - they can see each other the rest of the week so I don't know why they would include me in a plan in the first place if they didn't want to see me. I think that's overthinking what I was already overthinking!

RidinOnAPig Tue 14-Jun-11 21:01:06

If you only made the plan in the morning for that afternoon then it sounds like a last minute thing. Also that time in the afternoon can't have been that 'precious' as you were free anyway. Therefore back to square one with a free afternoon to do whatever you wanted/needed to do before the last minute park trip was arranged.

If you had of made plans in advance and therefore turned down other things and they cancelled I could understand you being annoyed.

redwineformethanks Tue 14-Jun-11 21:21:06

Last minute arrangement, spur of the moment is different from a pre-planned meeting which you've all looked forward to. I wouldn't take it too personally, although I understand it's frustrating if you kept waiting for them to decide what to do

bubblecoral Tue 14-Jun-11 22:09:24

I agree with the others, it's no big deal, and probably something you will have to get used to! But you will also appreciate that your friends are understanding when you have to do it, because inevitably you will have to at some point. smile It's something that just comes with the territory when you have little ones.

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