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DH is leaving me for someone else

(14 Posts)
Terrorteens Tue 14-Jun-11 16:52:10

My dh is leaving me for another woman, we have had probs for a while but where slowly working through it, we had a row lastnight and things came to a head and he told me he's met someone else at work. We have 3 kids and I am terrified. I still love him dearly and thought we was getting back on track do I wait for him to see sense or is it really over. If it wasn't for the kids I'd let him go but I've got to think of them. My parents live overseas I've no one I can turn to. My friends having the kids at the moment as he's coming home soon to collect some things and we need to get it out.
I need advise please what I need to do next.

tallulahxhunny Tue 14-Jun-11 16:55:35

Im going to say let him go, but i dont think i could in your shoes,. if you genuinely think that there is a chance that he will stay then fight for your man smile even if you dont think there is a chance i would still put up a fight, why lie down and let some bitch win!!!

yes i know that wasn't of any help to you, sorry sad

reelingintheyears Tue 14-Jun-11 17:01:29

Thinking good thoughts to you..

My only advice would be not to beg.

Hope it turns out ok.

jeckadeck Tue 14-Jun-11 17:05:31

Sorry to hear you are going through this this. I wouldn't do anything rash at the moment, there's a lot of ways the chips can fall yet. Has your DH actually said he wants to leave you for her? I don't know the details of your DH's relationship but there's a fairly high chance that he hasn't really thought it through and that it won't work out if he does leave. It may well have been something which appeared attractive to him because you were having problems and which will pale at the prospect of losing his family. Even if he thinks he wants to leave he may not want to actually go through with it. Having said that, you're probably best not to hang your hopes on this. And you may very well get to a point where you don't want him because of what he's put you through. At best, he's been very selfish and weak. There's going to be a lot of ups and downs and a lot of emotional hard work coming your way before this all settles.
Is there anywhere you can take the kids just for a week to get some head space? It sounds like both of you need a bit of time apart to figure out whether this is really the right thing to do.

ohhappyday Tue 14-Jun-11 17:08:22

I really feel for you. My best advice would be to try to keep as calm and rational as possible. Wash your face, put on your make up and hold your head up high. Let him see that you are a strong, capable person. Let him know clearly and concisely how you feel. Tell him you are willing to try again and prepared to counselling etc. If he's hell bent on going I don't think there's much you can do at the moment. Over the next few days when he's had time to think he may realise just what he's given up. Tell him exactly what bailing out on his children will do to them. Ask him how he would feel in your position. Please keep calm and try to look after yourself over the coming days your children need you. Use your friends for support if noone available try online support groups, samaritans or seek help via your GP. Praying for you x

Terrorteens Tue 14-Jun-11 17:13:29

I'm very calm it's not sunk in yet he's texted to say he will be here after 7

ohhappyday Tue 14-Jun-11 17:17:32

Oh darling I wish there was something I could say to make it better for you Is there anyone who could sit with you a while or anyone you could call

GinSlinger Wed 15-Jun-11 07:39:50

hello - I'm sorry that you're going through this. I think that if you post in relationships then you'll get more people who may be of some help to you.

onceamai Wed 15-Jun-11 07:47:27

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what way it will turn for you but I really do think your first port of call should be to see a solicitor to get some really sound advice about your legal rights and entitlements and ensure that you do everything you possibly can to protect yourself and your children from a security point of view. Keep cool, keep strong and stay believing in yourself. This isn't your fault.

jeckadeck Wed 15-Jun-11 08:07:34

what onceamai said. Regardless of what is going to happen with you and hour DH long term, getting legal advice will give you a degree of peace of mind and control over things.

beanlet Wed 15-Jun-11 08:10:50

Post in relationships - although AIBU gets lots of traffic you'll get better advice over there.

QuintessentialShadow Wed 15-Jun-11 08:13:12

I feel sorry for you.
I agree you should repost in the Relationship topic. Many people here have blocked the AIBU topic because tempers here often run quite high, with bun fights and arguments. You will reach more people who can advice you if you post in Relationships.

Good luck to you.

honeyandsalt Wed 15-Jun-11 08:32:18

Aw hon I'm so, so sorry. Tea and hugs.

The only thing I would say is that as a daughter of parents who rowed terribly (behind a closed door, generally, you can still hear the yelling though...) I personally think amicably seperate parents who have handled things well with the kids, that that's far better for kids than parents who are miserable and rowing are creating a toxic, stressful home enviroment. What I'm saying is don't sacricfice yourself thinking you're doing the best thing for them when if you are miserable in your marriage, happy seperate parents are better than a miserable couple imho.

Here, have some more tea.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 15-Jun-11 08:59:32

So sorry, OP. sad

I would absolutely agree with the poster who says 'don't beg', it will only make you feel awful.

I'd guess that your husband has already made his decision, hence telling you. From what I've read and seen, cheating partners have very often already 'established' a new relationship before calling a halt to their 'old' one. He's pathetic, OP, you were working on your problems together and he hasn't allowed that to happen.

I don't think I'd enter into any more discussions with him about your marriage but I'd make plans to put myself on a firm financial footing - bank accounts, mainenance for the DCs, keep the house for now, etc. I think you need proper legal advice and some idea of the steps and procedures to take.

The relationships board has some very good advice for this, but whilst you're here, vent away, you have support. So sorry, OP.

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