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AIBU?

To confess this here?

81 replies

iMemoo · 14/06/2011 11:30

I have to say this out loud just once.

I hate being a mum

I love my children to the ends of the earth and would die for them. I really wouldn't be without them for anything.

But I hate the responsibility, the drudgery, the constant moaning and fighting. I hate having to wash their clothes and make them meals. I hate never being able to leave the house without it taking 2 hours. I hate never having time to be me or having even 5 minutes for the simplest of daydreams.

OP posts:

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Bluemoonrising · 14/06/2011 11:32

It gets better. I love being the mum to my two now. They are supposedly at the worst age, being teens. But I love love love it in a way I haven't loved being a mum before.
Give it time. You are not alone, and YANBU.

Gooseberrybushes · 14/06/2011 11:33

Hi Imemoo, my theory is people are different mums for different ages, I didn't get on with the mewling and pawing but I love being a mum to teenagers. Your time has yet to come!

Nixea · 14/06/2011 11:33

YANBU - I know for sure I've felt like this so many times. I think more people do than you would think but it's a bit of a taboo to say so in real life, IYSWIM?

Gooseberrybushes · 14/06/2011 11:34

Blue maybe it's like a silent majority ..the admission that mewling and puking isn't for all but teens are marvellous. Stroppy and awkward but great company, independent and loving. No doubt I will now be due for a "moment" at some point today but as a general truth it definitely obtains in my life

Bluemoonrising · 14/06/2011 11:37

I'm with you Gooseberry! It's not always easy. I had a horrendous morning on Friday with an exceptionally stroppy son, but generally it's great and I wouldn't be without them for the world.

Hullygully · 14/06/2011 11:37

Yep, I'd second the teens. In fact from about nine onwards it's all a lot better. I hated the baby and toddler stuff, it bored me shitless.

TheRhubarb · 14/06/2011 11:38

The way threads on here are going recently you may well regret saying that on Mumsnet.

How old are your kids? I find that the rewards do make it all worthwhile. Yes you do have bad days when you wonder how much more of this dreary routine you can take, but then you get good days when you look at them and know that their healthiness, energy, good manners, intelligence and thoughtfulness are all down to the hours of work you've put in to raising them.

I find that most of my weariness comes from not being organised. So recently I've started printing out weekly food plans so that I know exactly what we are all having for tea and what to buy from the supermarket. The rule in our house is that if the clothes aren't in the wash basket they don't get washed and if they go to school with dirty clothes then that is their problem. I guarantee they'll only try that one once. As for the fighting - don't get involved. If they fight over the TV, turn it off; if it's over a game, take it away. It's the simplest of rules but it does work as they have to try and sort it out between themselves or risk losing whatever they are fighting over.

Make time for yourself and good luck with this thread!

Poppyella · 14/06/2011 11:38

YANBU.

It is relentless, bloody relentless!

I love my kids totally, but the whinging, whining, bickering, arguing, crying etc etc drives me INSANE and I guess I hate that part of it. But that is only a part, so I don't feel bad because hating parts of motherhood does not mean you hate you kids/wish you'd never had them iyswim.

It will get better - my 10 year old is so much nicer and causes me much less stress than the 3 year old twins, and I often look ahead to when they are adults and the fab (hopefully) relationships we will have then.

You are not alone.

iMemoo · 14/06/2011 11:43

My DC are 12, 10 and 21 months.

I think I need to get a job! I'm bored shitless being a sahm. All I do is look after the kids. I go to baby groups etc but it's still all about the kids. I need to do stuff for me.

OP posts:

AtYourCervix · 14/06/2011 11:43

you are not alone.

i love the DDs mor than anything. They are everything and more. I would tear out my heart and eat it if they needed me to.

. It is easier now they are older and more independent BUT I can't ever switch off from it. and sometimes I want to

AtYourCervix · 14/06/2011 11:45

work definately helps.

Mumcentreplus · 14/06/2011 11:46

Oh i hate all that bollocks too...but I love being a mum just hate all the other crap with comes with it!!..it does get better or maybe we just come to terms ...some of those things you wont need to do for ever and if you play your cards right they will be doing them for you!

iMemoo · 14/06/2011 11:47

Thats just it! You can never switch off, you can't just stop being Mum for an hour or two. So no matter what you're doing your mind is always on the kids.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 14/06/2011 11:47

YANBU - there have been similar threads about this being one of the last 'taboos'.

My DS is now 10 and I am still waiting for that feeling that being a parent is the best thing in the world .

Rhubarb0 (are you the original Rhubarb from around 9-10 years ago?) - my DS wouldn't care in the least if he went to school with dirty clothes, or a dirty, unwashed face so not sure I agree with you at all there !

AuntieMonica · 14/06/2011 11:49

YANBU and neither are you alone, MeMoo

I hated being a mum when the lads were young.
I hated being a mum most of all when they were aged between 18mths through til about 5yrs. Proper weaning, sick bugs, tantrums, pushchairs, the pressure from society to have 'gotten over the baby stage' and be all things to everyone, and then be 'back to normal' as well

it does change though, as a PP said, the teen years when they get to be great fun were great for me too.

yet, somehow, i did it all again! DD is slap bang in the middle of my 'most hated years' and it's totally different.

TheRhubarb · 14/06/2011 11:51

At 12 and 10 they should be helping around the house to ease your workload. Get them a bin for their rooms so that sweet wrappers and food aren't left all over the floor and set them jobs to do for their pocket money. If clothes haven't been put in the wash basket; rubbish in the bin; table set every day for tea and homework done then they get money deducted from their pocket money at the end of the week.

Ragwort - now my kids are older they are less likely to want to go to school with last week's porridge all over their uniform

And yes. Dipping in and out occasionally now but never again to be a regular

Ragwort · 14/06/2011 11:55

Rhubarb0 - sorry to sound like a stalker but I have been looking out for you for years some time - your comments were always the voice of reason ; don't blame you for just dipping in and out, Mumsent can be far too addictive.

lemmein · 14/06/2011 11:55

Me too - hated being a mum when my kids were little (quietly, obviously - people think you're an evil bitch if you dare to admit it aloud).

My 2 are in their teens now and I love it. I love the conversations we have - I love sitting on their beds and chatting for hours, etc. I LOVE the freedom I now have, I don't have to rush home for them getting home from school, I don't have to spend every weekend sitting in the park, I don't have to work around them - its great.

Your time will come - its not drudgery forever. I look after my 2 nieces every week for 2 days and the 'hard work' bit of childcare comes flooding back to me. I have to keep them occupied, I can't lounge about chatting shite on the net if i want to - my focus has to be totally on them. Its hard work and I'm glad its only 2 days a week! It doesn't last forever.

ElizabethDarcy · 14/06/2011 11:58

YANBU.

I am a CM and all my mindees are part timers.. so mum has them part of the week, and works part of the week... best of both worlds. Can you do this perhaps? It seems to do the world of good for my mums and dads :)

BaronessBomburst · 14/06/2011 11:59

Well, I hate being a mum too, and it's got fuck all to do with not being organised. It's dull and monotonous. I'm bored stupid with cooking, cleaning and having a 15 month old. I envy my husband for being able to go to work, for being able to eat his breakfast and lunch in peace, and not have to work out when I can safely go to the toilet - do I take DS with me, or listen to the howls from the playpen?

I desperately want to get a life job, but have no childcare so I'm stuck. Maybe I should just get a pinny, stick a ribbon in my hair and start drinking during the day.

Psammead · 14/06/2011 12:00

Quite enjoying the toddler stage so far, but hated the newborn stage. Am dreading it next time round. I think it's true - different mums like different ages.

TheRhubarb · 14/06/2011 12:03

Thanks Ragwort, that's nice to hear

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exhausted2011 · 14/06/2011 12:03

I hate it sometimes too.
The mundanity
the washing
the cooking
the cleaning
the constant telling off
groundhog day

but then I don't have my own life
I'm working on that now

LadyBeagleEyes · 14/06/2011 12:06

I also much prefer the teen years.
When they get to the age (my son is 15) when you can sit and chat and joke with them and they're capable of fending for themselves it is so much better.
He's just such good company now.

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 14/06/2011 12:09

so the 12 and 10 year old are at school all day and probably out and about at the weekends - presumably you knew what babies were about before embarking on the third one

you are being unreasonable

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