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preschool wedding

(22 Posts)
bubbub Tue 14-Jun-11 08:41:47

my daughters preschool sent home a letter yesterday saying that at the end of term they are holding a pretend wedding to teach kids about weddings.
each child will have a role in the wedding, groom, ushers, bridesmaids ect. my daughter is the bride.

there will be a wedding ceremony followed by reception, food and dancing.
i have to find her a bridey dress.
im excited for her to have the main part, she is excited too, there is just a bit of me that feels a little weird about it. im probably being unreasonable, and i cant quite put my finger on what feels odd about it.

i think there is a small part that thinks i wanted to teach her about love and marraige myself later, and how marraige is about two people who love each other and want to stay with each other forever. not focus on it being the traditional man marries woman.
i think i wanted the idea that man marries man or woman marries woman to be just as normal to her as man marries girl.
but now aged four she is being taught that a wedding is all about man marrying woman.
i know i know she is only four and its just a wedding,
i have no intention of stoppping her going, she is so excited, i just felt a bit weird about it thats all.

lesley33 Tue 14-Jun-11 08:53:01

Can't you use the occasion to talk to her about how in this case it is a girl and boy pretending to get married, but in RL sometimes it is a girl and girl or a boy and boy. She is old enough to understand that they are pretending to do 1 scenario, but there are different ones as well. You could even do arts or drawing pictures at home of mene and men and woman and women getting married.

And I do understand what you want to do, but she will pick up from peers and other adults that man and woman is the more common scenario.

squeakytoy Tue 14-Jun-11 08:55:44

She is 4. There is plenty of time for her to learn that there are more ways than just the "norm".

bubbub Tue 14-Jun-11 08:55:45

yes your are quite right, i just wonder if she is old enough. i think its les what they are doing and more about disrupting my "ideal timeline" i had in my head for thigs like this.
i think i know im being a bit u.
good idea about the art and drawing though! we do a lot of that anyway!

justpaddling Tue 14-Jun-11 09:11:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iskra Tue 14-Jun-11 09:15:07

I would be seriously bothered about this! However I have loony left ideas about heterosexism, nuclear family & the patriarchy... Don't see the need for this whatsoever.

MollysChamber Tue 14-Jun-11 09:16:01

Yes but she'll already knows about Mums & Dads. That's not going to a revelation to her. So you can broaden that out to same sex marriages/relationships when you feel she'll understand.

She'll enjoy the wedding. Sounds like fun to me!

LoonyRationalist Tue 14-Jun-11 09:22:27

Maybe the pre school could broaden out the idea, I'm sure they will be doing plenty around the wedding theme in the build up to the happy event ;)

My DD got married to her best (female) friend at pre-school last week. I was pleased to find out that the staff were on the same page as me - when asked if she could marry a girl she was told she could marry whoever she pleased - the only current obstacle to a fully legal ceremony being their age ;)

Bit strange that they are doing the wedding theme now - surely would have been more natural to fit it around the royal wedding hype in April?

bubbub Tue 14-Jun-11 09:32:17

its an end of term thing i think, and a reason for a big party at the end.
i would love for the preschool to broach the subject but it is effectively a church preschool, although it itsnt a church pre school iyswim, it is situated in the local church. i would have my doubts that they will attempt anything other than the norm.
i am looking forward to doing her hair with flowers like in tangled (its not till 20th july so she has plenty of time to plan "her" day) heehee.

nethunsreject Tue 14-Jun-11 09:35:28


It seems rather odd and unnecessary to me.

I played at 'brides' as a wee lassie and do not have any problem with wee ones acting/role playing, but I just find it odd and yes, it would make me a bit hmm

BsshBossh Tue 14-Jun-11 09:35:43

We have several gay friends - some of them in civil partnerships. I would chat about it with the pre-school to make sure that in their talk about marriage is inclusive and also mention it to DD who then might bring it up herself.

At my DD's daycare they were all pretending to be getting married and one of the little boys said, "Only boys and girls can marry!" and my little girl (who was 2.5 at the time) piped up, no two girls can marry too (three of our lesbian couple friends) smile. It also forced the childminders to correct the little boy.

(Yes, yes, I know civil partnerships are not technically marriages but at 3 it's enough to know that same sex couples can legally commit to one another).

BsshBossh Tue 14-Jun-11 09:37:25

Oh, just seen that it's a Church pre-school. Still, unless Catholic, no harm in mentioning it to them.

sparkle12mar08 Tue 14-Jun-11 09:45:54

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. She will get her morals and values from you and her home life, school is just and added extra at the moment. And you sound as if you're doing just fine smile If she comes home talking about the strict church views that are likely to be taught then simply correct her and tell her that the leaders are wrong - men can marry men, and women can marry women. It doesn't have to be a big drama if you don't want it to be.

bubbub Tue 14-Jun-11 09:46:17

i think im gonna have a chat with them this morning and find out what they are planning for the run up, i would like them to at least with dd explain it is inclusive.
i have a lot of gay friends, and will be at some point invited to many civil ceremonies that i would like to bring dd's to, i dont want ther thinking this is any more unusual that her aunty and uncles wedding.
the preschool i dont think is religous, its doesnt seem to be so, its just in a church building, so it may suprise me.
nethunsreject- that is excactly it. im not appalled or upset r anything like that, it just made me do the hmm face grin

redwineformethanks Tue 14-Jun-11 09:57:31

Who will play the drunk uncle?
Where is the hen night being held?
Where will the grasping wedding list be held?
Have they remembered to offend everyone with their table plan?

and most importantly .........will children be allowed at the wedding or will it be adults only?

These are the questions you need to be asking.

I think they'll have a lovely time

BsshBossh Tue 14-Jun-11 10:00:14

redwineformethanks grin.

bubbub Tue 14-Jun-11 11:18:42


kreecherlivesupstairs Tue 14-Jun-11 11:26:18

I will be frank and say I think you are overthinking this. FWIW, DD has been aware of same sex couplings for ages. She was bridesmaid at our friend's civil partnership when she was four.
By going into the school and asking that other peoples children be made aware that there is more than one 'right' way to be married is daft IMVHO.
I apologise in advance if this offends people.

bubbub Tue 14-Jun-11 11:39:13

kreecher, i totally get what you are saying, thats why i said id ask them to speak about all other kinds of marriage at least with dd.
i wouldnt excpect them to teach all the kids, although i think they should! i know that a lot of parents wouldnt want that being taught at all let alone at this age. especially around here. its a bit neandatholic round here sometimes.

i did wonder if i was over thinking it. im perfectly up for that opinion too. grin

MegandWesley Tue 14-Jun-11 11:46:47

It is a little odd isn't it! But I would just let it go as you are, it will be fun for them all!

I guess if it feels right you could just bring it up and talk about it afterwards, it make go in, it may not, no harm in trying though. Best not to make a big thing of it really, that's more normal than sitting down and having a 'talk' with her about it. smile

It might be worth asking the school if they plan on talking about other types of marriages - not just ones that are done in a christian church (civil partnerships, other religions etc etc) This is why I really wouldn't want my child at a church school - unless they were a very open minded one.

karmakameleon Tue 14-Jun-11 11:59:17

It's not just the hetreosexual/homosexual aspect that would bother me to be honest, but the message that it's the norm to couple up. Nothing wrong with being single and there's enough social messages that you should get married without primary school teachers promoting it too.

veritythebrave Tue 14-Jun-11 12:20:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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