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I don't know why I am shaking with rage ...

(28 Posts)
EveHarrington Tue 14-Jun-11 01:09:35

An acquaintance/future colleague of mine on a certain social networking site is always making "fat" jokes hmm. As we are not in the least bit close, I tend to turn a blind eye to it when she makes multiple posts about shows on TV such as "Embarrassing Fat Bodies" et al.

However, just a few minutes ago (yes, I'm still up!), she posted a new album called something along the lines of "The Unfortunates (a work in progress)". It appears to be random people out and about, on public transport, in public places that are on the bigger side and/or are dressed (in a way she would probably see as) "unfashionably".

I know that if you are in a public place, your picture can be legally taken. What I don't understand is how and why she would choose to do something like this and make fun of unsuspecting people just going about their day.

I've posted a comment asking her to please say she isn't going around taking pictures of unsuspecting strangers. It may be that I've got the wrong end of the stick, but I don't think I have sad I have no idea why it's made me so upset and close to tears! And no, it's not related to my size (I'm on the small side, both height and weight-wise). It just seems like a form of cruel bullying on a public level that one wouldn't expect from what is supposed to be a grown educated woman (albeit one in her early twenties).

Please tell me to mind my own business and that I'm being unreasonable (which I may be, seeing as it's that time of the month and I'm stressed out about a whole bunch of unrelated stuff).

BitOfFun Tue 14-Jun-11 01:12:55

No, you are not being unreasonable to question this. It is cruel and possibly illegal (although I am no expert in that field).

I would not want to be friends with somebody who sounds like they could give high school Mean Girls a run for their money.

BooyHoo Tue 14-Jun-11 01:14:30

if it is, as you say, a photo album of strangers for her to make fun of, then she is absoloutely vile. i would be defriending her immediately. lets hope your comment has embarassed her into seeing sense and realising how idiotic she is being. what a sad sad life she must lead if otehr people's weight and wardrobe entertains her!

Icelollycraving Tue 14-Jun-11 01:22:58

Yanbu. She is frankly a bitch & extremely unpleasant. I bet she was overweight in her teens or was bullied over something & this her trying to be controversial.

Orbinator Tue 14-Jun-11 01:29:09

Lowest form of self gratification. She'll end up with a small "inner circle" of people who agree with her every thought and suck up to her because they are scared of being unfashionable/fat/uncool and having her turn on them.

I'd get out quick.

perfectstorm Tue 14-Jun-11 01:41:22

You sound like a sane, nice person. She sounds the reverse. YANBU.

cloudydays Tue 14-Jun-11 01:46:08

I have no idea why it's made me so upset and close to tears!

Probably because you're a kind person who is able to empathise with how humliating and cruel that would feel if it were you in those pictures. The fact that you don't have weight issues yourself means that you don't have to directly identify to a person's experience in order to be compassionate toward them and angry on their behalf when their dignity is violated.

You sound really lovely. Your friend sounds like she has misplaced a bit of her humanity.

cloudydays Tue 14-Jun-11 01:46:50


cloudydays Tue 14-Jun-11 01:47:58

And "identify with " ugh. Time for bed, cloudydays.

EveHarrington Tue 14-Jun-11 01:51:54

Well, that was fast! After my initial comment, she posted "wouldn't dream of it." [i.e. deadpan mode.]

I posted in return:
"Wow, I was about to say I was speechless, but actually, I'm not! If that really is what you're doing, I'm sure you also know that there's always a moment when something that is considered a distasteful joke best ignored turns into a cruel form of voyeuristic bullying of people who are doing nothing other than innocently going about their day. If they are friends of yours and/or I've got the wrong end of the stick, my mistake! If not, then seriously, not cool!"

[ok, I promise that "cool" is not a euphemism which I use often, or at all! I blame BitofFun for putting it into my head with her mention of Mean Girls!]

She's just emailed me to say
"sorry ... really didn't mean to be offensive with the photos. didn't think about it that way, but you're absolutely right. gone."

Pictures are now gone.

Don't really know what to say to her now that won't sound patronising or like I'm lecturing again confused .... especially as she's deleted them pretty quickly (which I'm happy about grin, though the phrase "freedom of speech" keeps flashing into my head ...! confused).

cloudydays Tue 14-Jun-11 01:57:44

Well done on challenging her. That was cool of you grin

It's nothing to do with freedom of speech. She was being cruel, you called her out on it, she changed her mind. She's not being put in prison for expressing an unpopular political opinion, she's just been reminded to have some manners and some empathy. Her rights are entirely intact smile

If I were you I wouldn't reply again. Let some time pass then go back to whatever the norm would be for your facebook interaction. Let her sit in the awkward virtual silence and think about what she's done . <channelling my mom there>.

BitOfFun Tue 14-Jun-11 02:02:24

I think you did the right thing.

Your post has made me think, actually, because I've sniggered at sites like People Of Walmart without a second thought. I am reconsidering the ethics of that now. Not cool.

Icelollycraving Tue 14-Jun-11 02:13:02

Well you did a good thing,she has at least deleted them & it seems to have made her think which in turn can only be a good thing.

piprabbit Tue 14-Jun-11 02:16:04

I'm surprised she caved in so quickly - seriously, did she not put 1oz of thought into that before she made it public?

EveHarrington Tue 14-Jun-11 02:19:57

I emailed back (sorry cloudy - figured she felt bad enough already and didn't want to leave her to stew or anything):

"'sok. Seriously, not worth the aggro it could potentially cause you, not to mention that those people could be your friends, you or me one day being made fun of by a totally random stranger. Anyways, no more harm done, right?

I'm now officially giving up on surfing the Web aimlessly - sorry, I meant "studying _____"! - and going to bed. 'Night, and if we don't chat before, goodluck with __ x"

Hopefully a light-hearted note on which to end it on ...

On that note, I really must get to bed. Thanks all for advice given and not making me feel like i was being silly, over-emotional or overly sanctimonious!

I may also adopt the word "cool" into my general vocabulary just a little bit more often ... grin

BitOfFun Tue 14-Jun-11 02:21:02


LolaRennt Tue 14-Jun-11 02:34:25

good for you, I had a colleague telling me about her trip to America (and aren't they all just huge!) and how she saw an 8 year old boy running who was so fat that she just had to video him hmm

piprabbit Tue 14-Jun-11 02:44:11

And that Lola, is a very good example of why it is hard to exercise if you are fat. Why expose yourself to this sort of ridicule?

LolaRennt Tue 14-Jun-11 02:54:52

piprabbit I remember hearing about a guy who lost loads of weight through running but didn't want to look silly, so he ran from bus stop to bus stop pretending to try and catch a bus grin.

I'd try it if i could be arsed but I'm soooo busy

Bettyblackeye Tue 14-Jun-11 06:54:33

You should block her from your view on FB sounds like a right bitch

troisgarcons Tue 14-Jun-11 07:12:38

I think this is a side line to an American site (feel free to google) which has some rather eye opning pictures on it - and a side site called beachfreaks (not my choice of words).

I would say your friend is a bit voyeristic

5DollarShake Tue 14-Jun-11 07:16:52

Beautifully handled, OP.

Psammead Tue 14-Jun-11 07:49:45

Nicely done, that woman!

Punkatheart Tue 14-Jun-11 08:02:41

Yes you are one cool banana. You made a rather stupid person open their eyes. Maybe they won't be so quick next time.


PerryCombover Tue 14-Jun-11 08:12:44

I can't tell if yabu
I'd need to see the pictures

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