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in being pissed off with friend for letting SIL down?

(89 Posts)
wineinhand Mon 13-Jun-11 21:40:15

Namechanger - not sure if friend is a MNer.

Basically SIL is a photographer, she wants to specialize in newborn photography. I put her in touch with a friend of mine who has a (prem) newborn. They arranged a time together, then friend let her down. Too exhausted. Can't be rearranged as baby will be too big (can't 'mould' after a certain age). Friend would have had free 7x5" photo for her trouble.

I feel bad that SIL has been let down by someone I recommended. I sent a message apologizing. If I thought she'd be unreliable I wouldn't have suggested her.

DH thinks friend may be starting to get PND. We can't see her ATM due to contagious pox in the house. I'm sort of torn as I remember the horror of newborn exhaustion (I have PND), but on the other hand, all she had to do was drive 20 mins and 'be there'. Nothing else really.

WWYD? Any thoughts please?

BaronessBomburst Mon 13-Jun-11 21:44:52

YABU. She has a newborn and is knackered. So what if she would have got a free photo? And it's a bit harsh describing her as 'unreliable'! I couldn't and wouldn't have driven 20 mins so some photographer could have had a free model to practise on.

diggingintheribs Mon 13-Jun-11 21:45:34

If your SIL was going to her I think you could say your friend was a tiny bit unreasonable given she was going to get a nice photo (although only one seems a bit tight!)

However, I remember the newborn phase and a 20 min drive and 'being' somewhere would not have been high on my list. Slouching around in my pjs on the other hand.....

GreenEyesandHam Mon 13-Jun-11 21:46:46

What does 'can't mould after a certain age' mean?

Gastonladybird Mon 13-Jun-11 21:47:47

Yabu- you might as well have said photo shoot was on mars when dd just born.

wineinhand Mon 13-Jun-11 21:47:58

OK fair enough. I didn't coerce anyone BTW. She did agree to it, and wanted to do it.

Should say baby is 6 weeks old now.

I do honestly remember the exhaustion.

Icelollycraving Mon 13-Jun-11 21:48:28

Perhaps she didn't want to do it,perhaps she went off of the idea,maybe she couldn't be arsed. Perhaps a print of her baby is no big deal,most people tale loads of pictures themselves & she may not be bothered about 1 professional print. Just turning up may actually have been too much.
I'd imagine she is exhausted having had a prem baby. Is your dh an expert on pnd aside from your experience.

cjbartlett Mon 13-Jun-11 21:48:40

why couldn't sil have driven to her?

wineinhand Mon 13-Jun-11 21:49:49

From what I understand it's these sort of pictures.

After a certain point in development it isn't possible, so they couldn't rearrange.

onepieceofcremeegg Mon 13-Jun-11 21:50:05

My first reaction is that if your sil is going to specialise in newborn photography then she is going to have to get used to this.

Lots of people are "unreliable" ime. And new parents (imo) have more reasons than most to be unreliable.

I am very cautious in recommending people in this way. Only because I am quite sensitive/over sensitive and would hate to feel that I was in some way responsible for any let down of this nature.

wineinhand Mon 13-Jun-11 21:50:26

SIL has a studio so couldn't have done it elsewhere.

bubblecoral Mon 13-Jun-11 21:50:27

YABVU. Your friend, who has a prem baby, has more important things to think about than doing favours for her friends SIL.

What makes either of you think she wants a photo that much? She can take her own, equally as cute pictures.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 13-Jun-11 21:50:28

YABU - newborns are hard but add prematurity into the mix and really its a very very stressful time.

PaisleyLeaf Mon 13-Jun-11 21:50:38

I'm not sure I'd want my newborn 'moulded' either.

diggingintheribs Mon 13-Jun-11 21:51:24

Still - I think at that stage you can find getting out the house is suddenly derailed by a bad night etc.

I would have thought that if specialising as a newborn photographer she should consider home visits!

And if she wants to offer an attractive free gift there have to be some 6x4's for the GPs thrown in too!!

And what does the moulding thing mean???

wineinhand Mon 13-Jun-11 21:51:56

OK, I see IABU, I will keep my beak out of it smile

onepieceofcremeegg Mon 13-Jun-11 21:53:16

This probably sounds horrible but I don't like the pictures you linked to. Beatiful beautiful babies of course. smile However I don't like the thought that they have been moved about/"moulded" while peacefully sleeping.

If I had been asked to do this with one of my newborns, I may have agreed to it initially but then had I realised the type of pictures I think I would have backed out.

Portofino Mon 13-Jun-11 21:53:26

Oh YUK! That is nasty!

BluddyMoFo Mon 13-Jun-11 21:53:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoAteMySnickers Mon 13-Jun-11 21:53:58


It reads to me as if your friend was doing your SIL a favour by allowing her to use her child to build up her portfolio... "SIL is a photographer, she wants to specialise in newborn photography". She probably realised that a free photo wasn't worth the hassle.

AnyFuleKno Mon 13-Jun-11 21:54:01

you are loopy. Your poor friend.

wineinhand Mon 13-Jun-11 21:54:26

I don't really have an opinion on the type of pics. That was known by friend when she volunteered.

BluddyMoFo Mon 13-Jun-11 21:54:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlyredhead Mon 13-Jun-11 21:54:44

Those photos are really creepy. I don't want pictures of my babies squidged into weird shapes. I can see why your friend pulled out, nevermind the tiredness of having a premmie newborn.

squeakytoy Mon 13-Jun-11 21:55:31

I think those photos are absolutely horrible..... I really do.

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