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Over a bruised orange?

(15 Posts)
Mrspedro Mon 13-Jun-11 16:13:45

Dh is quite funny,great dad,responsible and generally good family man BUT he has a tendency to fly off the handle and it's beginning to really get up my a**....for the following reasons:
His shouting....if he gets annoyed about something he literally cannot speak normal,just shout,I'll tell him and he roars "I'm not shouting,just speaking loudly" as he's screaming his head off
He shouts at the kids and as a result has far less control of them
Today he roared at me' "shut up" in front of our girls before throwing an orange across the room at me' (something that's new!)....I'm soooo disgusted with him and disgusted that my kids had to see that ffs there's no need for that behaviour!
He gets road rage badly and
Admits he has a v hot temper but even after his parents suggested he go for anger management he declined (this was after he wildly insulted someone and for v angry in a pub with his parents present one night a few yrs ago)
He snaps from angry to 'over it' quite quickly with others but with me' he let's it drag on and on..it's depressing
Iv ranted on now....and like I say it's generally quite good between us,we r very happy I'm just so upset about the orange thing! Am
I being unreasonable in being so upset?
Just wish he'd talk about this calmly and acknowledge it as a problem he has.....if it's me' who has caused his anger then he always places the blame on me' ie:u wind me' up...rubbish!

sparkle12mar08 Mon 13-Jun-11 16:15:59

Throwing things at you is a very bad sign, as is his inability to recognise (nuch less admit) his problems in controlling his anger. I couldn't live with a man like that, sorry.

Hullygully Mon 13-Jun-11 16:17:39

He needs to accept that he needs to find strategies to control himself. It takes practise. If he won't listen to you, write to him and explain it clearly and calmly.

Pandemoniaa Mon 13-Jun-11 16:20:09

I'm not really sure how to fit "we're very happy" and "throwing an orange across the room at me" into anything other than a wildly contradictory paragraph. How can things be "generally quite good between us" if he cannot control his temper, frightens his own children by roaring like a demented thing and treats you with such little respect?

topazmcgonagall Mon 13-Jun-11 16:21:34

Ask him if he wants his kids to grow up to have his temper.

Can't you all go out for a meal with his parents and bring up the anger management again. He needs to do something.

YANBU

Dred Mon 13-Jun-11 16:22:07

I agree about writing down how it's making you feel. He certainly needs anger management! He sounds very similar to someone i know.

Dred Mon 13-Jun-11 16:22:14

I agree about writing down how it's making you feel. He certainly needs anger management! He sounds very similar to someone i know.

Dred Mon 13-Jun-11 16:22:21

I agree about writing down how it's making you feel. He certainly needs anger management! He sounds very similar to someone i know.

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 13-Jun-11 16:22:39

I have to say, my DH would never even think of throwing something at me (except in jest) either in front of our DD or when she wasn't there.
I would be furious and want an apology and a good long talk about respect.

iwanttoseethezoo Mon 13-Jun-11 16:23:21

he needs anger management, or counselling. It's not good for your children to see him treat you like that - they will think that is a normal relationship and that's how men should treat women. I think you know it's not. Also it might escalate to physical violence if he's throwing objects at you.

Mrspedro Mon 13-Jun-11 16:30:52

Tnx for the replies...tbh he doesn't frighten the children ...even the throwing orange thing didn't ...they just looked at him like he was about to get time out! Their quite young tho...which is why I'd like this nipped in the bud now
He obviously doesn't shout every day ...he's not annoyed everyday I suppose so therefore 90% of the time it's happy and we all have good fun,just wish he could deal with his frustration better....obviously throwing an orange (or anything and speaking like that) is hugely disrespectful but I'm not gonna break up my home because of it ...so saying u wouldn't live with a man like that isn't that helpful tbh....but I would appreciate tips on how to encourage him to look at his behaviour and even suggestion on books that might help?!

Mrspedro Mon 13-Jun-11 16:33:34

We crossed over there ....I'm so in getting my reply together

Yeah writing it down sounds like a great idea....i think he would take in the points better that way

Hullygully Mon 13-Jun-11 16:36:27

I have a terrible temper, and part of the problem is that I can go utterly ballistic (not v often), and then get over it in five secs and be completely baffled as to the fall out. He needs to understand the damage his behaviour does and how unfair it is, because when someone is carrying on like that, no one else dare do anything in case it escalates.

Insomnia11 Mon 13-Jun-11 16:36:56

He needs to sort it out. I've had anger issues myself - not road rage or shouting at the kids in particular but throwing things, tick. Only happened occasionally and alsmost took me by surprise - I would always throw inanimate objects not aimed at anyone in particular, but then once I threw the remote control at my daughter and that was a big wake up call moment.

I now recognise the signs building up to these outbursts and haven't had any since, have to say changing my contraception to copper coil sintead of hormonal methods, taking St John's Wort, making sure I don't get too hungry/thirsty, don't drink too much caffeine, having a 'bedtime routine' for myself and not just the kids, self-hypnosis and calming deep breathing techniques, working out the source of my stress, talking about feelings, sharing concerns, more exercise and making sure I have a laugh every now and then seems to help.

You don't want to be pussy footing around him in case he gets upset, as I say he needs to recognise the problem and take action. Hopefully the orange throwing incident was a wake up call for him!

Hullygully Mon 13-Jun-11 16:53:42

yy Insomnia. I finally "got it" when I was in a rage and hurled something and my then 5 yr old dd looked at me with great interest, picked up the tv remote and threw it across the room. Couldn't have been clearer.

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