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to think that decisions relating to my body are mine alone

(46 Posts)
Amateurish Mon 13-Jun-11 12:47:13

I've arranged sterilisation operation with my doctor. We've discussed all the ins and outs and the risks etc etc. But then he says I need my DP's signature to go ahead. So I've got a form to take home where DP has to sign and return to the surgery.

DP is fully onboard but I object in principle to having to have DP's agreement to the procedure. I'm an adult and I fully understand all the issues involved, including those relating to my own relationship.

AIBU to be annoyed or is it perfectly reasonable for my doctor to check that DP has no objections? And why can't the doctor just take my word for it?

Have others had similar experiences?

cuttingpicassostoenails Mon 13-Jun-11 12:54:19

When my husband had a vasectomy I had to let him sign the form as well!

RitaMorgan Mon 13-Jun-11 12:58:01

I would be annoyed as well!

So what if your DP does have an objection, why should that make a difference?

What would happen if you refused to have your DP sign it, would they refuse to sterilise you?

TheBigJessie Mon 13-Jun-11 12:58:04

On another forum, an American lady claimed that her gynaecologist had insisted on a husband's signature, too, before she could have a sterilisation procedure.

The poster was a lesbian...

Callisto Mon 13-Jun-11 13:00:04

I would be very pissed off about this, what if you're single or gay fgs?

GreenEyesandHam Mon 13-Jun-11 13:00:30

Do they really do this?

I would be apoplectic

GypsyMoth Mon 13-Jun-11 13:00:37

he isnt your husband,yet he has to sign??? unreal..

EricNorthmansMistress Mon 13-Jun-11 13:03:52

It's unbelievable. Outrageous. I don't believe it's blanket NHS policy either. My friend's DP has just gone to ask about the snip, I'll see whether she has to give 'consent'. They are on shaky legal ground in requiring consent from someone who is not the patient, where the patient is an adult and in sound mind. I think it's bullshit.

charidee Mon 13-Jun-11 13:04:20

Not a legal requirement. Probably more about GP demonstrating s/he has discussed all ramifications with you. However, perhaps they should talk about your partner's feelings and ask for them to join consultation but if you decline, accept that is your choice. Did you outright ask doc if you need to get sig and why?

EricNorthmansMistress Mon 13-Jun-11 13:05:46

In fact I would not do this. I would simply refuse and complain until I was given a proper legal basis for this.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin Mon 13-Jun-11 13:05:59

Is it related to future rights to get a reversal and/or fertility treatment paid for by the NHS?

bleedingheartlefty Mon 13-Jun-11 13:06:49

Absolutely shocking. DH or DP makes no difference. I assume if any DH/P was enough of an arse to 'object' to this then the relationship would end soon after anyway.

I am stunned this question is being asked in the UK in 2011.

peppapighastakenovermylife Mon 13-Jun-11 13:07:00

My DH is booked for a vasectomy - no one asked me anything!

charidee Mon 13-Jun-11 13:08:09

Apparently considered 'good practice' to discuss with partner also so sounds very much like ticking the safety net box on the part of the doc. If you don't agree with the process, don't feel pressured to get partner to sign.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Mon 13-Jun-11 13:09:44

I'm sorry but that is disgusting. It doesn't even if your dp didn't want you to do it.

TheBigJessie Mon 13-Jun-11 13:10:11

I once read a rather awful (awful as in upsetting and sad subject matter, not as in badly-written) blog post about how domestic violence. Apparently it is common for abusers to prevent women accessing contraception.

Flushing pills down the toilet, refusing to use condoms, sabotaging medical appointments, not signing forms for sterilisation, etc.

fgaaagh Mon 13-Jun-11 13:12:06

I understand they want to ensure you have discussed it with other interested stakeholders (be that a husband, a boyfriend, whatever).

But if they have thrust a form at you and asked for a signature, they're focusing on the wrong things. Entirely inappropriate.

Ensure partner has been considered = great. The NHS just want to make sure they're not spending money on you which is a waste of time (a quick sense check I'm sure won't convince many people to change their mind about such a final step, but, you never know.)

Make it seem like you need his permission = bad.

I'm surprised they've miscommunicated the former (great) idea to you - what a terrible example to be setting! Apart from the ramifications re: the ownership of one's body (what if he disagrees with you?), it leads us into the murkey waters of what if you're single? Or divorcing? Or a lesbian? Etc.

altinkum Mon 13-Jun-11 13:12:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LolaRennt Mon 13-Jun-11 13:16:22

My friend had to sign off on her husband's vasectomy. I was horrified. My SIL wasn't asked however when her husband had his done and that was 10 years ago. They both happened in the same town though so maybe it is a recent change?

YANBU by the way. (at least they aren't being sexist though)

LolaRennt Mon 13-Jun-11 13:18:02

Why would a lesbian get steralised for a non medical necessity though? confused

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Mon 13-Jun-11 13:22:55

I had to sign a consent form when DH had the snip. I felt like I was taking my dog to get fixed, and said so to the doc. The doc's argument was that if I were to get pregnant after the procedure, by signing the form I was making it known that no form of contraception is 100% guaranteed. It was basically to try and stop me suing him.

LolaRennt Mon 13-Jun-11 13:26:17

oh well that makes sense chickens .

fgaaagh Mon 13-Jun-11 13:33:12

LolaRennt, my youngest sister got the snip at 22 on the NHS (after writing a lengthy letter to the GP explaining her decision, according to her - not sure if she'd been refused before, i've never asked that) and, according to what she told me a few years later (I didn't know about it at the time) an older (lesbian) friend of hers decided to go ahead with permanent sterilisation a few months after my sister, because she had been travelling all over the world with her job in the charity sector, didn't plan on having children, and wanted a permanent method of birth control in countries which have, shall we say, not the safest record on women's safety (South Africa specifically).

I was shock - sickening to think that a woman needs to take precautions if she feels so insecure that she'll undergo optional surgery to take permanent precautions, but also I suppose it's a good thing that women CAN take control of their fertility in this way?

It's been years since my little sister told me that and I'm still conflicted about what it means re: the safety of women. but i can understand, from hearing about this, that maybe lesbians aren't such a black and white case where we should think "oh they don't need to think about contraception" - v. v. v. upsetting really.

LolaRennt Mon 13-Jun-11 13:42:46

That's really upsetting fghaaa. I hadn't even considered that as a reason, it's easy to forget that in some countries women don't have the "luxury" of not expecting abuse.

I only really considered steralisation as a contraception for "expected sex" in a safe relationship (where condoms aren't needed) or for medical grounds

TheBigJessie Mon 13-Jun-11 13:52:38

I think that the Aprvmerican lady I spoke to on the internet was childfree. I can't remember whether she had been a rape victim previously or not; she might have been.

I did once know, on another forum, a childfree lesbian who had been raped, and thus had to have an abortion.

It's not only women in other countries that are at risk; tragic as that is.

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