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to be miffed at ILs?

(10 Posts)
microserf Sun 12-Jun-11 22:40:39

this was meant be a short post!

some time ago, we got married.

we sent out invites for our wedding ceremony and the reception separately. we were paying for reception ourselves.

ILs invited some close friends for the reception and sent wedding-only invites to their wider circle of friends. 4 friends misunderstood, and accepted for the wedding AND reception. ILs told us early on and it was agreed that they were supposed to sort it out months in advance. however, as it turned out, they actually did nothing, and then dropped it on us 2 weeks before the wedding as "they've already booked their travel tickets, what can we do" and took no more responsibility for the problem. so, we had 4 more guests to feed at our expense at a wedding already overbudget. their friends were very nice, but we were not impressed with the ILs.

now the same friends have, not unreasonably imo, made same mistake for DBIL's wedding, and suddenly all the rules have changed and ILs are flapping around trying to sort it all out ASAP.

the main difference seems to be they think we could afford it, and DBIL can't.

AIBU to be miffed with ILs? Was going to let it lie, but now everyone's in a flap about DBIL and Sorting It All Out, it's brought it all back. they even called us to ask us how they should tell them. although to be completely honest, my feelings are probably coloured by the fact DBIL made it clear I wasn't an essential invite and shouldn't go out of my way to attend the wedding either.

i am being petty, aren't i?

squeakytoy Sun 12-Jun-11 22:42:55

I would say they realised what a problem it caused the first time round and are anxious not to repeat it.

However, the fact that your husbands brother does not deem his own brothers wife as being a close family member is bloody insulting, so on that basis alone YANBU.

DuelingFanjo Sun 12-Jun-11 22:43:29

Not petty. I am shocked at your bil though. What does your dh think?

microserf Sun 12-Jun-11 22:44:53

to be fair to DBIL, it is going to be a really small wedding and they can't afford much of anything. they have asked other family not to attend blush at not giving full picture there.

microserf Sun 12-Jun-11 22:46:33

although dh is expected, of course.

squeakytoy Sun 12-Jun-11 22:47:43

Surely though, your brother is one of your absolute closest family members, and his wife equally so once they have married.

I am a bit shock at parents inviting their friends to be honest, because at my wedding, the only people who attended were the ones that WE invited. Neither my mum, or my husbands parents would have expected us to invite "their" friends.

Maybe if the parents are paying for a wedding, they feel a sense of entitlement to do this, but to me it is still out of order and rude.

microserf Sun 12-Jun-11 23:02:38

i was quite excited about the wedding at first, so was a bit surprised, but i had to put that to one side for DH. we have not been singled out, there are other close family members who were discouraged from going. i think the bride and groom are more looking forward to partying with their friends, and seemed to have arranged the wedding around this.

DH feels strongly he has to be there, and is making a huge effort to go.

anyway, after that i don't much fancy going. it is a bit upsetting though, the thought of the very close family having a party and us sitting at home! i am going to make some alternate plans to have fun with the kids that weekend.

lindy100 Mon 13-Jun-11 21:18:07

squeaky I had this problem with my parents. They gave us most of the money fo rour wedding, to be fair, and let us make all major decisions, but at one point I was told by my dad (through my mum, of course) that if there wasn't enough room for everyone, their friends should take priority over ours.

I actually found myself having the conversation that went:
Me: 'It's MY wedding.'
Mum: 'And we're paying for it.'

fedupofnamechanging Mon 13-Jun-11 21:22:27

Lindy, at that point you should have told your parents to keep their money and then organised a wedding you could afford yourselves. You could then have told your parents that they will not be inviting their friends over yours.

microserf Mon 13-Jun-11 22:18:50

lindy1000, that sucks. that's the reason we paid for ours as much as it would have been nice to have some financial help. we were lucky enough to be able to afford it, although I really do wish we had not spent so much, it would be bloody handy to have some of that cash back now!

i tell everyone now to elope!

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