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to be so very angry?

(15 Posts)
ElectricSoftParade Sun 12-Jun-11 22:30:16

I know this is part of grief due to other close family members dying but I am consumed with rage. I am so fucking angry and hostile and am managing to hurt people who are trying to help me.

My DB died last week and he was the last of "my" family to go. I know I now have my "new" family (DCs) and should be grateful. At the moment I am not. I am ANGRY and don't know what I can do to change myself.

So, AIBU/indulging myself/whining/furious?

Ormirian Sun 12-Jun-11 22:31:16

I don't think 'should' comes into it.

So sorry sad

ZillionChocolate Sun 12-Jun-11 22:31:44

YANBU in being angry and upset if a member of your family has died. Perhaps you should try and get some professional help to deal with your grief?

CurrySpice Sun 12-Jun-11 22:33:04

Or lord of course you are likely to be angry. You are grieving and anger is a very natural part of that process.

Try and give yourself some slack

I am so sorry for your loss sad

StealthPolarBear Sun 12-Jun-11 22:34:40

So sorry to hear about your DB

no yanbu, if you are indulging yourself, well rightly so

Punkatheart Sun 12-Jun-11 22:35:57

Different stages and no one owns how you should feel. Fury if you need fury. Is there something you could do to vent, or something your brother liked you could do in his memory?

But really, be kind and forgiving to yourself.

I am sorry.

Onemorning Sun 12-Jun-11 22:36:17

YANBU, it sounds like deep pain to me. I lost my closest friend and I went through a lot of rage.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Look after yourself x

comedycentral Sun 12-Jun-11 22:36:36

There is no way YABU. You are grieving, anger is part of grieving. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your DB x

Hassled Sun 12-Jun-11 22:38:26

If my DB died (both our parents are dead) I would be incandescent with rage at the injustice of life. Of course you're angry - I'm so sorry. I can imagine what you're going through, but I'm trying not to because losing the last of "my" family is the worst thing imaginable - and yes, like you I have a wonderful "new" family. And they are wonderful. But they don't have the childhood memories, the shared history, do they? I think losing a sibling must feel like losing your childhood.

All you can do is wait it out. It sounds like you know enough about grief to know already that there are stages - the anger will turn to something else, and it will start to get a bit easier - or at least you'll start to learn to cope with it more easily. Just don't beat yourself up about being angry - of course you're angry - it's fucking unfair. This always sounds like a trite, pointless platitude - but I am sorry.

Jaspants Sun 12-Jun-11 22:38:28

ESP - so sorry for your loss. I believe anger is one of the stages of grief.

Do whatever you need to do to get through this terribly sad time, be kind to yourself.

HowlingBitch Sun 12-Jun-11 22:40:15

I'm so sorry. Who on earth is making you feel the need to ask this question? You are being perfectly reasonable.

LittleMissFlustered Sun 12-Jun-11 22:43:14

Rant, rave and have as much rage as you need. In hindsight you'll tell yourself it was just one way for your system to cope.

ElectricSoftParade Sun 12-Jun-11 22:43:54

Thank you for your replies.

I am a bit lost atm and am lashing (verbally) out at people who are trying to be kind to me and I feel awful about doing it, although it hasn't stopped me.

Life goes on and all that. I just hope I stop feeling like this soonas it is horrible.

leevic0 Sun 12-Jun-11 22:49:22

Hi I am new on here I've never posted before on commented but I understand just how you feel. My mum died in feb while I was 30 weeks pregnant with my second ds. I still sometimes feel angry at her for leaving me and I am struggling to cope with my grief and my 3 yr old and 6 week old as I so sad all the time. My boys and my dh are my world and I know I am so lucky to have a wonderful mum was my best friend and as we were close I now feel very lonely in a weird way as I don't have any friends with children and trying to join in at the school gates is a nightmare. We all deal with things in different ways and we just have to find our own way through. Good luck It just takes time

leevic0 Sun 12-Jun-11 22:51:16

The people you shout and rave at will understand it's your way of grieving

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