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To feel utterly betrayed and let down by my family

(233 Posts)
letdownagain Sun 12-Jun-11 19:55:40

My DS has been going through a really bad time. He's suffering from severe depression and has been having a really hard time. My family have never really helped him in any way.

Recently he met a woman online. He asked my sister to put them up whilst they were in the London (the first time he and this woman would have met- he was looking forward to it). It was hard for him to ask my sister as he doesn't see her or her kids often (maybe once a year). My sister is younger than me with young children and she made up some exuse not to have them stay with her.

Unfortunetly that relationship with the woman he met online didn't work out. They didn't meet in the end because she dumped him for someone else she'd met on line, he was devastated.

Now he has met someone new. He asked my sister again if he and his girlfriend could stay. He is in desperate need of a break and he and his girlfriend could really enjoy being away together.

My sister has said that whilst it would be fine to have him there it would be difficult for them to come as a couple as her kids (2 and 5) haven't met the girlfriend and she'd feel 'uncomfortable' with the kids going in to the frontroom (she doesn't have a spareroom) and playing etc whilst they were asleep/ together.


I have always been so generous and kind to her kids and thought we had a good relationship and I am so hurt she has rejected my DS in this way.

I have told her this and said it hurts that she doesn't trust my DS. I have told her I am not speaking to her.

She say's she doesn't have the space (what room for one but not a couple confused) and that because her kids use the frontroom to play in it would be difficult.

I just feel it's another example of my family happily taking from me and not giving to my children in any way.


nancy75 Sun 12-Jun-11 19:58:12

I wouldn't want a stranger staying in the house overnight with children of that age. She's not running a hotel - maybe your son could book into a b&b

rookiemater Sun 12-Jun-11 19:59:02

Has your DS actually met this new woman? I'd be very reluctant to allow someone that not only I hadn't met but the person who allegedly they were having a relationship but hadn't yet met into my house.
She isn't rejecting your DS she is retaining her right not to have complete strangers to everyone in her home.

BeerTricksPotter Sun 12-Jun-11 19:59:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

revolutionscoop Sun 12-Jun-11 19:59:36

I think you ABVVU!

rubyrubyruby Sun 12-Jun-11 19:59:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manticlimactic Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:07

YABU. Her house. If she doesn't want strangers in her house then that's up to her. Nothing to do with being generous to your kids.

His last 'girlfriend' dumped him? Was she a girlfriend? They hadn't even met. Sorry if I read that wrong.

LRDTheFeministDragon Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:20

I'm sorry, but I don't think your sister is being unreasonable. I don't think it's about trust - I would to be honest feel very differently about housing a close relative on his own, and close relative plus new girlfriend. She may feel if she has a stranger in the house she can't just get them both to 'muck in' as normal?

How much does your sister know about your DS's depression/romantic history? I wonder if she simply doesn't understand why it's a big deal?

choirmum Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:25

I would feel uncomfortable about having a total stranger stay in my home with a member of my family who I hardly ever saw. If they need a break to be together, they don't need the added stress of being in such a potentially uncomfortable environment. They should book a hotel/B&B or similar and perhaps visit your sisters family by way of introduction. YABU.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:34

Maybe a little bit.

I'd feel a bit strange having my nephew (who I hardly see) and his girlfriend (who I have never met) come and stay with me. Especially as we also have no spare room so they'd be sleeping in the lounge. If your sister's children are early risers I can see why she might be concerned if they went into the lounge and saw your DS and his GF in bed together, especially if they's been getting it on (which I assume they might be if they were sharing a bed? But not sure how old your DS is...)

If I was in your sister's shoes I'd feel differently if it was just your DS, rather than DS + unknown GF.

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear!

pumpernickel10 Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:35

Get son to book a hotel hour sister isn't running a free b&b

ll31 Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:40

I cant believe you'd expect your sister esp wiht young kids to put him up to be honest with someone she doesn't know - if it was just him fair enough but otherwise definitely not..

muffinflop Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:42

He wanted to take a woman he'd never met before to stay at your sister's house??

Sorry but I think YABU to expect your sister to have a stranger stay in her house!

Jonnyfan Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:45

I certainly would not want a couple-including someone I did not know- using my house as a hotel.

sparkle12mar08 Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:45

Your son needs to conduct his personal and/or sex life in private - not in the home of two very young children. Sorry but YABVVU.

TheOriginalNutcracker Sun 12-Jun-11 20:00:51

Sorry but yabu.

If this were one of my brothers I would also say no, although they would never ask me to let someone I didn't now stay here anyway.

letdownagain Sun 12-Jun-11 20:01:20

No his new girlfriend isn't an online relationship. They met in a pub. He does know her, they've been going out for about 3 weeks now.

cupofteaplease Sun 12-Jun-11 20:01:26


From your OP it sounds like he hasn't even met this woman before. If she is a stranger to him, she is a stranger to your young neices and nephews! I would say no too.

mousesma Sun 12-Jun-11 20:01:31

YAtotallyU did you really expect that your sister would be happy to put up a complete stranger who your son hadn't even met!!!
You sound barking to be honest.

TheOriginalNutcracker Sun 12-Jun-11 20:01:37


Pumpster Sun 12-Jun-11 20:01:44

Of course yabu!

begonyabampot Sun 12-Jun-11 20:01:54

YABVU, not your sister.

cupofteaplease Sun 12-Jun-11 20:01:59

Sorry, cross-posts with the OP.

AgentProvocateur Sun 12-Jun-11 20:02:08

I wouldn't be happy to let someone - no matter how close I was to them - stay in my house with someone they'd never met either, so I don't think your sister is being at all unreasonable. Can't you suggest he books a room in a travelodge?

BluddyMoFo Sun 12-Jun-11 20:02:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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