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or is my dad regarding fathers day gift?

(98 Posts)
Spuddybean Sun 12-Jun-11 16:57:56

Quick back story. I have been with my DP for 2 years. My parents though have only seen him 4 times in this period. This is mainly due to the fact that my DP is allergic to dogs and my parents have 2 very furry big beasts! My parents want everyone to come to them and if you don't then you just don't see them. We live outside London so a day visit is difficult and i don't drive. I have had my hours reduced at work and a large pay cut and my contract ends next month with no job to go on to.
Anyway..i got a deal on a stay in a lovely hotel somewhere halfway between where we both live (an hour drive for each party). 1 night, cream tea, 3 course meal and brekkie for £89 per couple.
SOoooo i sent the link to parents and said to dad that for fathers day i would pay for us all to go to the hotel for a night. He said he'd rather have the money and go somewhere he wanted to go.
I know it is HIS gift and he should have what he wants but i feel hurt and also now he is expecting £89 for him to spend on himself. I would never normally pay that for a fathers day gift and it was only tied into fathers day as a suggestion.
I genuinely am torn as to whether iabu.

muminthemiddle Sun 12-Jun-11 17:00:30

Your idea sounds lovely and thoughtful. Meeting half way is also ideal.
YANBU your father is. Not sure how best to handle it though!

twoistwiceasfun Sun 12-Jun-11 17:00:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oranges Sun 12-Jun-11 17:00:41

no that's very ungracious of him.

steben Sun 12-Jun-11 17:02:08

YANBU that is outrageous i would be very hurt. My parents can be the same - always expect a visit and then moan that they dont see us enough - the motorway runs both bloody ways! No advice but would say that you suggested it as a nice way to spend some time together and I certainly wouldnt giv him £90 to do with what he likes.

betterwhenthesunshines Sun 12-Jun-11 17:02:39

YANBU. He is being cheeky! However if he doesn't wish to go then you can't make him. Maybe you could suggest he could find an alternative location or come up with idea for a day out together ( with the same budget). But he can't seriously be suggesting you just send hima cheque instead can he shock

BluddyMoFo Sun 12-Jun-11 17:03:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee Sun 12-Jun-11 17:03:48

YANBU. Your Dad sounds very ungrateful and unreasonable,

sodiumion Sun 12-Jun-11 17:04:12

You need to explain to him that part of the gift was that he got to spend time with you, you're upset that you dont get to do it often so were willing to spend more for the pleasure of his company. I'm sure he doesnt realise how ungrateful hes being...?

betterwhenthesunshines Sun 12-Jun-11 17:04:24

good point BluddyMoFo. I generally don't buy my Dad anything - a card is enough.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 12-Jun-11 17:05:45

I'd just buy him a card and some old spice
Certainly wouldn't hand over £90.00. He's very ungrateful

Spuddybean Sun 12-Jun-11 17:09:02

it's not they wont leave their house they just expect us to come and stay with them - they go out all the time.
They are very childish about their dogs ('the babies') and refuse to believe my DP (or anyone) is really allergic to animals. They also expect to be able to take the dogs with them wherever they go. So they dont visit us because the dogs cant be in our house - they never stayed with my exH and me because we had a cat.
My exH and i just went to them all the time and they have got lazy and expected that routine to continue with my new DP.
They also socialise a lot and go to the local pub so everything revolves around drinking, which doesn't really suit my DP and he isn't a massive drinker.
We can never go out for a meal because my dad doesn't want to eat before 10ish - after he's had a few drinks and my DP likes to eat earlier and would be gnawing a table leg by then.

betterwhenthesunshines Sun 12-Jun-11 17:10:26

Good halfway location for dog walk and picnic or pub lunch ?

LadyClariceCannockMonty Sun 12-Jun-11 17:10:50

Really rude (him not you). While I applaud the more reasonable opinions here (*sodiumion*, come on down), personally I'd tell him the point was to spend the money on a get-together at this place as it is handily placed, nice, and reasonably priced, and if he doesn't want to go then he can forget it. Send a shitty cheap newsagent card and sod him.

iwanttoseethezoo Sun 12-Jun-11 17:11:08

I would say "oh well, i thought you'd enjoy it, but never mind", then present him with a card and a box of Roses. So ner.

Spuddybean Sun 12-Jun-11 17:15:18

Dad is very childish about presents and always has been. He loves furniture so one year (and i checked with him first and he agreed to this) i arranged my sister, mum and i, put together the money we would spend for his b-day and F-day and buy him this lovely chair he liked. It was a lot of efferot from me and i had it shipped from europe.
It arrived on his b-day (before F-Day) and he loved it but he had sadly forgot about the deal and on fathers day got angry with me for not giving him a present. When i pointed out the agreement he said he hadn't thought i'd actually meant it and didn't believe i seriously wouldn't give him another present!!

mybrainsthinkingfuckyou Sun 12-Jun-11 17:15:21

actually if you were paying for all of you, assuming by parents you meant mum too is he not then expecting 178 quid? Bar steward.

Spuddybean Sun 12-Jun-11 17:17:49

£89 for him and mum and £89 for me and DP - i really hope he doesn't expect the amount!!

Spuddybean Sun 12-Jun-11 17:18:31

sorry i meant FULL amount

Spuddybean Sun 12-Jun-11 17:19:58

He has also told me where he wants to go instead - without us and opposite direction to where we live. I will put £20 in his card and tell him to put it towards it.

TidyDancer Sun 12-Jun-11 17:20:57

OMG, my five-year-old DS is more clued in than your dad about presents!

Tell him (nicely, if you are charitable enough!) to swivel on it. He won't be getting the money. Put it towards two nights for you and DP and have a lovely time. smile

hiddenhome Sun 12-Jun-11 17:21:23

I wouldn't bother sending him anything after being treated like that hmm

Totally ungrateful imo. He's not even considering that it might be a nice time out for your mum too.

fedupofnamechanging Sun 12-Jun-11 17:21:30

Your dad sounds quite horrible, and if he was mine I don't think I'd want to see him on father's day or any other day tbh. I agree that you should point out the purpose of the gift was to spend time together, so it doesn't really work to just send a cheque. People like this don't deserve thoughtful presents, so I suggest you save your caring ideas for someone who does and just buy him a card

hiddenhome Sun 12-Jun-11 17:22:25


Too generous. Just send a card. He's obviously ungrateful to have a decent daughter and he sounds very selfish.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 12-Jun-11 17:22:39

What's your mums's opinion Spuddybean?

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