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Dd1 want to ask you if we (me and DH) are being unreasonable

(73 Posts)
DooinMeCleanin Sun 12-Jun-11 14:49:56

We are making her tidy her room, when all dd2 has to do is pick up some toys in the living room and then she can sit down on the couch.

DD2 is 4, dd1 is almost 8.

She also thinks it is unfair that she gets asked to go to the shop sometimes and dd2 does not. I ahve explained that this is becasue she is older and when she was four she was not expected to do as much as she is now her answer "It's not my fault I grew up, I bet other mams and dads don't make their kids do more just because they grew up"

So do you make your kids do more because they have grew up?

As an aside dd2 is sat on the sofa watching TV because she put the toys away when she was asked and has now finished. DD1 has spent the last two hours channelling her energies into screaming, crying and backchatting and still has her room to clean.

chocolatehobnobs Sun 12-Jun-11 14:50:58


worraliberty Sun 12-Jun-11 14:52:06

Seriously? She asked you to start a thread asking other parents how they parent?

Tell the little madam to go and clean her room grin

growingstrawberries Sun 12-Jun-11 14:53:37

my dd1 is 7, and has ASD.

she has to: tidy her room; help lay the table and clear away; bring her laundry down for me to wsh (form the laundry basket), and helps sort out whites/coloureds; empty the dishwasher; fold her clean clothes and put them away.

she occasionally helps with cooking (more an issue with my patience than her willingness!).

and the playroom is tidied at the end of each day. dd2 helps with this - she is 4.

growingstrawberries Sun 12-Jun-11 14:54:39

sorry, so essentially YANBU.

every home has a certain amount of work that needs to be done. and it is not just down to the adults to do the work.

OddBoots Sun 12-Jun-11 14:54:52

Older children have more to do here, they had very little to do when they were tiny and the tiny ones will have more to do when they are older. It's part of getting more responsible.

Older children get more pocket money than little ones too here and go to bed a bit later also.

DooinMeCleanin Sun 12-Jun-11 14:55:08

She wanted me to find out if other kids have to do more than their youger siblings just because and I quote "They had the audacity to grow older" grin. She was allowed to stop for a snack and this is when she asked. She has now been sent to back to her room to and again I quote "Cry because it's not fair" hmm

I have once again explained that if she put as much energy into cleaning as she does crying and arguing she would have been finished by now.

honeybehappy Sun 12-Jun-11 14:55:19

You let your 8 year old go to the shop :O

My dd's are 3 and 5 and they both have to tidy their own room and they never ever complain as they know i will go in there and put all their toys in bags and throw them away.

ShowOfHands Sun 12-Jun-11 14:56:50

Hello dd1.

I think it sounds absolutely brilliant that you're trusted with the responsibility of things like going to the shop. Growing up and being able to do these things is wonderful and being 4 years older than your little sister means that there are lots of great things that you can do that she's not big enough to do yet. But with freedom comes responsibility and you're big enough to know that now. It's fair because you've had your time being 4. Chin up, tidy your room and then you can get on with enjoying your day.

dooin, is dd2's room tidy? If so did she do it? Because I have a 4yo and her room is her responsibility to some extent. She is expected to take pride in it. It's reasonable if dd2's not tidying her room because she's already done it.

TheSkiingGardener Sun 12-Jun-11 14:59:33

Dear dd1

Growing older is both exciting and a pain. You can do more and are allowed to do more. You are also expected to do more. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

DooinMeCleanin Sun 12-Jun-11 15:00:11

They share a room, but the mess is mainly dd1's. Dd2 plays mainly downstairs as she cannot be trusted not to throw herself out of the upstairs windows, which is why she was asked to clean up the living room.

Dd1 was not asked to do anything downstairs, dd2 was asked to tidy away the few toys that dd1 had used in the room.

Honey, the shop is literally a few feet away from the house. She also gets to play out alone with her friends and dd2 does not.

ShowOfHands Sun 12-Jun-11 15:02:02

Aah then it's responsibility for your own mess. Perfectly fair.

Now if she doesn't hurry up and do it, you might tip over into unfair by making some mess in the kitchen and asking her to tidy that too.

atswimtwolengths Sun 12-Jun-11 15:02:50

Hello dd1

I have a daughter who's 22 now - I remember when she was your age. I didn't let her go to the shops on her own - your mum must think you're a very responsible girl.

What's your bedroom like? What sort of toys do you like? Do you find that when your room's nice and tidy, you always feel happier playing in there? It's hard to play when everything's a mess, isn't it?

Why don't you go and tidy it up so that everything's where you want it and then take a photo of it and ask your mum to post it on here?

You're lucky you're the older sister - you get to do everything first and don't get treated like a baby.

Off you go and sort your room out - don't forget the photo!


SoupDragon Sun 12-Jun-11 15:04:29

Start treating her like a 4 year old instead and see how she enjoys that.

DooinMeCleanin Sun 12-Jun-11 15:04:41

She has given in and is cleaning now. She just brought down a few cups, but made of point of telling us one of them was dd2's grin

pumpernickel10 Sun 12-Jun-11 15:06:05

My DD cleans up after herself but no way would she be sent to go to the shop by herself. Bad call op

MoreBeta Sun 12-Jun-11 15:07:28

DS1 is 9. He spent the whole morning 'tidying his room' while playing on his computer. Its still not tidy but plenty of back chat happened. hmm

thumbwitch Sun 12-Jun-11 15:07:41

Heh - I only have 1 DS and he has to tidy his own toys away, he's only 3.6.
But I have siblings who are 4y younger than me and when we were small, I was made to do more stuff to help than they were, just because I was the oldest. In fact, I had to look after them sometimes - and I had been going to the shop by myself since I was about 5 (it was about 100m up the road and we're talking <cough> a few decades ago) - it was one of my privileges to go! By the time I was 8, I had to take my siblings with me <boo!>

Your DD needs to get over this fairly soon - there's going to be a lot more "unfairness" coming her way - she's the "groundbreaker", so will go to bed earlier than her sister, because her sister will get to stay up later than DD1 did when she was the same age. DD1 will do all the fighting for privileges as a teen and DD2 will just swan along and reap the rewards, usually about 2y earlier than DD1 managed it.

Yes, I'm projecting - can you tell?? grin

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sun 12-Jun-11 15:18:06

An 8 year old should not be going to the shop btw.

You should not be asking for others pov as she has asked... It undermines your authority.

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sun 12-Jun-11 15:18:43

Pressed by mistake ... She should be tidying her room!

growingstrawberries Sun 12-Jun-11 15:21:05

why shouldn't an 8 year old be going to the shops?

I used to be sent down to the shops aged about 5, with a note and money in an envelope grin

<am not an old gimmer, btw, so not that long ago!>

how can you say, as a blanket rule, that 8 year olds should not be going to the shops? without knowing location, proximity of shop, what the 8 year old is like (other than not wanting to tidy her room!) etc. what an odd notion.

TorcherQueenie Sun 12-Jun-11 15:21:18

Your DD1 sounds a lot like my DD! Shes allowed the responsibility of going to the shops alone and walking to school alone at 8 but still doesn't feel its her responsibility to clean her room but you try telling her you're walking her to school and she has a meltdown hmm

thumbwitch Sun 12-Jun-11 15:24:24

yes, can't see what the fuss is about her going to the shop a few metres down the road at 8 hmm

pumpernickel10 Sun 12-Jun-11 15:27:42

How was we to know it was a few metres away?

thumbwitch Sun 12-Jun-11 15:31:06

DooinMeCleanin Sun 12-Jun-11 15:00:11
Honey, the shop is literally a few feet away from the house. She also gets to play out alone with her friends and dd2 does not.

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