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AIBU to think my ex should have said thanks?

(256 Posts)

This is "my" weekend with the kids. Ex's sister is visiting from abroad, there is a family sunday lunch today.

He asked last night if he could have the girls to go to the dinner - I said yes of course - they've just left.

But when he arrived to collect them he just commented on DD1 outfit (That's a bit trendy) and left.

Absolutely no thanks for this, I appreciate this, or anything.

Would it have been mannerly for him to say thanks? Or AIBU?

squeakytoy Sun 12-Jun-11 12:58:26

Well it would be, but its no big deal. There is a reason someone is an ex smile, so you know he isnt perfect anyway.

lettinggo Sun 12-Jun-11 13:00:31

Of course it would have been nice for him to say thanks but he's your ex so you don't need to worry any more about his unreasonableness (if that's a word!) Don't mind him. Enjoy your me time.

I don't mean it's a big deal or anything, but it just struck me that he didn't say it. smile Oh there are a myriad of reasons why he's the ex grin

The other thing that is mildly annoying is that I had agreed to a 5pm return, and when he lifted them he said "I don't know when I will be back"

I said "We agreed 5pm and I can understand you might want to be a bit later so can you just phone me before you leave so I know roughly when you'll be here"

Apparently that is controlling hmm and typical of me confused

I said "but I just want to know when you'll be back in case I go out so I know when to come back. "

I felt like saying "Well that's ok then forget it you're not getting the girls if you're going to be an arse" (but i didn't)

whackamole Sun 12-Jun-11 13:05:28

YANBU.

We had similar when DSS mum texted at 9pm on a Sunday to say she was still in the airport and would be late. She was supposed to collect at 6 and hadn't told us she was going abroad.

I ended up having to go into work late to drop him off at school (and then stay late that evening), wouldn't have bothered me too much had we got a sorry or thanks!

Sorry for the hijack blush

lettinggo Sun 12-Jun-11 13:06:35

Well, he has ishoos by the sound of things so just rise above it. It sounds like you handled it well. Hope he doesn't say these things in front of your children?

rookiemater Sun 12-Jun-11 13:07:09

YANBU but then if he was perfect I guess he wouldn't be your ex. Just be thankful you don't have to spend 24/7 with him.

The girls were getting into the car - he did say it in front of them angry

Whakamole that's terrible

Update. Am exceddingly pissed off.

Get a text off DD1 at 5.10 (they're an hour away from here) saying "Can we stay longer"

I said "yes should be fine but dad needs to talk to me. tell him to phone me"

Leave it 20 mins, then text him to say "if you want to stay late please phone me to discuss"

Get no reply so ring him after 10 mins - he doesn't answer.

Ring dd1 and say "dad needs to ring me to discuss"

And he does. Apparently it's not his fault they didn't leave, the girls wanted to stay so he told dd1 to text me. I said I understood, but he and I needed to discuss an Eta. He said he had no idea they were enjoying family time and I was controlling and why was I like this and I am spoiling their day.

I said "I am not spoiling your day you are only having the day because I allowed you to take the girls today and I want you to tell me when you will be bringing them home or I will come down in the car now and collect them"

so he said "I'll have them back to you for 8 and put the phone down.!

GRRRRRR

Exceedingly not exceddingly obviously. blush

hobbgoblin Sun 12-Jun-11 18:45:13

Be out until half 8 then. Not great for the kids but neither is them seeing you get walked all over.

create Sun 12-Jun-11 18:45:44

Why did you specify "dad needs to talk to me"?

What did you want to talk to him about? What would that have changed? You were happy for the girls to go to the family dinner, you had agreed that they could stay later, really what would speaking to your ex have achieved, other than giving you the opportunity to tell him how grateful he should be to you for allowing him to have them?

Not surprised he didn't call TBH. Agree he should have spoken to you, rather than getting DD to text (depending on her age) but nothing to be achieved once she had text you.

I'd have hung up too if I was threatened like that - why do you need to know exactly when they will be back - assuming you are happy they are safe with their father?

He had agreed to have them back between 5 and 6. I needed to talk to him to see when he would leave them back.

blackeyedsusan Sun 12-Jun-11 18:47:09

ah well, those who mess you around don't get chance to do it twice. next time he asks, say sorry, but i can't rely on you to bring them back when agreed.. ..
grin (though if it was something that the girls would be sorry to miss i would let them go.)

BluddyMoFo Sun 12-Jun-11 18:47:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

So it's OK for him to hold my Sunday evening with DP to ransom by getting a 12 year old to do his dirty work for him and not having the balls to phone me and ask could they stay when he'd made an agreement? How is it not pissing me around to change plans that have been agreed??

They have to be bathed, showered, get ready for school tomorrow. Am I just supposed to sit here like a stupid numpty waiting til he deigns to return them?

(sorry xposts that last was for create)

Next time I will just say no. DP was for taking them swimming today and we were going out to after.

hobbgoblin Sun 12-Jun-11 18:50:06

I had a chat with a friend the other day about this sort of thing. His philosophy was that reasonable people are wasting their time expecting unreasonable, arrogant, selfish sods to be reasonable. So, you just cut all 'favours' that don't benefit you.

if anyone is interested the backstory well some of it is here

BluddyMoFo Sun 12-Jun-11 18:51:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I could have. But I wanted to talk to him to see how late "later" was.

Wellnerfermind Sun 12-Jun-11 18:52:07

How old are your Dc?

DD's are 12 and 9 coming 10.

tomhardyismydh Sun 12-Jun-11 18:53:38

i honestly wouldnt get wound up over this, its simply not worth it. i can see both sides here if im honest. let it ride op. I converse with my exp as much as possible, so if dd txt id simply text back yes what time. then take it from there, would not insist on talking to him. if time ok id text back yes, if not id text back no be home 7pm.

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