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In thinking people should educate themselves and use a bit of common sense instead of asking silly, questions about SN on here?

(84 Posts)
ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 12-Jun-11 09:57:49

ASD s a huge spectrum, my dd is fairly well behaved and has never been violent, however she has huge meltdowns when she gets stressed.

OTOH my son can become violent (towards me) has no sense of danger, paces and runs away when stressed..... yet doesn't have the massive screaming meltdowns his sister has. Having said all that, when they're ASD is taken into consideration and handled properly they're better behaved than a lot of NT kids I see, and i'm proud of them both.

At the other end of the scale my niece is the most severely affected child I have ever met, she is non verbal and constantly bouncing/violent towards her carers, she wasn't always like this, her epilepsy meds have a lot to answer for. Ah well, guess that's her future mapped behind a load of trees I suppose, can't have her spoiling anyones coffee mornings.

If people are so interested in kids/adults with SN they can educate themselves by picking up a book or volunteering at a respite centre, something of that ilk. I really can't be arsed with 'educating the masses' or 'opening eyes'. I don't see it as my calling, the new Mumsnet mantra should be don't be a twat, and think before you judge. Job done, and many aching fingers saved.

And please, can we ignore the constant twattery threads ? We are just as bad for giving them the attention they crave, report and ignore is the new LBD in my opinion. wink

MrsKravitz Sun 12-Jun-11 09:58:53

Why? I dont know anyone who has a child with SN and it seems to me people with experience are the best to ask.Surely?

Shoesytwoesy Sun 12-Jun-11 10:01:33

oh come on where is the fun in that, people think we (the sn community) are here just so they can look down on us and slag our kids off.
glad to see mn hq are at last listening. you are so right, they should just lurk in sn or read a book, or look after the child they are putting down for a week.

Goblinchild Sun 12-Jun-11 10:02:40

I don't mind the questions, it's the polemic ranting about the existence of children with additional needs, the eugenics and lock-em-up brigade and the 'he doesn't look disabled, so the parents must be lying that annoy me'
Questions where the poster reads the answers properly and thinks about them, no problem.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 12-Jun-11 10:03:19

As I said, people can educate themselves if they really care that much. It's like groundhog day on here at times

happymole Sun 12-Jun-11 10:03:44

Thank you for posting this ApocalypseCheeseToastie

Can't really add much but I agree with you. I am happy to talk about my dd and her asd (all well as her escapades) with friends and co-workers, I don't, however, want to spend time justifying why I sometimes have to leave to house.

whitechocolatebuttons Sun 12-Jun-11 10:04:54

Maybe becauseI think you may only get that persons viewpoint MrsKravitz if you are interested, talk to someone who works with people with LD or SN. They'll probably be more open and wiiling to impart their knowledge.

5inthebed Sun 12-Jun-11 10:05:09


Whilst I am happy enough to share my experiences of having a child with SN, I am not happy to have to defend them on fuckwhittery threads.

Goblinchild Sun 12-Jun-11 10:05:38

'As I said, people can educate themselves if they really care that much. It's like groundhog day on here at times'

Have you been talking on the Feminist boards? smile

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 12-Jun-11 10:05:59

Exactly, we have a fecking special needs topic on here they can stick their beak in there or as I said, get to know some children/families with SN.

I feel like a travelling side show with people constantly asking why does XYZ happen, especially the more obvious stuff. <<insert haughty sniff>>

Superfast Sun 12-Jun-11 10:06:46

It seems no one is 'asking'...but many are 'judging'. I agree with OP...educate yourself before posting on MN.

Goblinchild Sun 12-Jun-11 10:07:44

God no, the last place I want gormless, voyeuristic or offensive questions is on the sn boards.
Let them stay out on the streets.

Shoesytwoesy Sun 12-Jun-11 10:08:22

I think it is just our turn again, we now have people moaning cos a nasty thread was deleted,

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 12-Jun-11 10:08:25

No, I don't go on the feminist boards, bearing in mind I haven't worked a day in my life and leave all bills etc up to dp nor do I give a shit about girls being head to toe in pink frills i'd probably get battered and deep fried blush

TidyDancer Sun 12-Jun-11 10:11:25

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking questions, but I do think there is a line that is very hard to distinguish as to whether someone is being genuinely curious, or just trying to stir up trouble. It is difficult, but I suppose I err on the side of wanting people to ask questions if they have them, because that makes them more likely to understand and therefore be more respectful of an adult or child with SN in RL.

I have SN children in my family, and I have seen how rotten people can be to them and about them, but I think most of the time, people are just curious and not able to express that too well.

Mumofaflump Sun 12-Jun-11 10:11:31

Well said, my cousin has SN and all some people see is the chaotic, sometimes violent teenager. At home, and at heart he is a kind, considerate 19 year old lad struggling to cope in a world that he doesn't understand. His frustrations make him lash out.

growingstrawberries Sun 12-Jun-11 10:11:36

A bit harsh, I think, Apocalypse.

I agree with Goblinchild - I don't mind genuine questions, however silly they may be. If I didn't have a child with SN, I might well be the one asking the silly questions, after all! We can only learn from what we experience, and before I had children, I was completely inexperienced, both with children and with SN - I had absolutely no clue, looking back.

I did know an awful lot of things, I was by no means naive, or living in a bubble, but I had barely touched a baby before, and had had no experience with SN at all.

Surely a big part of what MN is about is learning from others' experience? Maybe the person with the silly question wants to go and volunteer, but wants some background info first?

That said, I do understand re: the groundhog day stuff too. But don't be harsh on people who are genuinely trying to understand and learn. We all had to start somewhere.

happy2bhomely Sun 12-Jun-11 10:11:40

I have no first hand experience of SN but I find this level of intolerance really sad. I don't think anyone would ever suggest that anyone should accept violence or abuse from anyone, even those with SN, but surely we can all be tolerant of a little disturbance or inconvenience!

I was at a London theatre a couple of weeks ago watching a musical with my MIL who works in a learning cafe with people with SN. In the box seats was a young man with obvious SN and his carer. He stood and danced and swayed holding onto a stuffed toy. He walked in and out of the doors which was mildly distracting. He screamed out a couple of times with sheer excitement when the music and lights were very loud and bright. He looked like he was having a great time. In the interval, we commented to each other how much he seemed to be enjoying himself. Behind us were a group of people who we overheard to be saying "Anyone spotted him over there? F**king nutter! What's she playing at bringing him here? We've paid good money for this, you don't expect to have to have a f**king retard singing along do ya? With any luck he might fall over the edge!" Lots of laughing, and they got up to go to the bar. I will never understand some people.

Glitterknickaz Sun 12-Jun-11 10:12:50

I don't mind questions if asked from a genuine standpoint, but if someone has been on blarting right wing opinions without thinking about how that affects my family and THEN has the neck to ask me about my kids' disabilities then I tell them to bloody research it themselves.

Once again, genuinely asked questions I have no issue with. Last thing I want is for people to be uneducated about SN because of feeling I'm unapproachable. I won't be taken the piss out of any more though.

itisnearlysummer Sun 12-Jun-11 10:12:54

Well OP, I started a thread this morning so I guess I'm one of the people you're referring too.

My DH has a nephew with ADHD and I have a niece who is profoundly deaf.

I would rather ask questions of people with RL experience rather than read an authored version written from a position of 'expertise'.

I would rather not 'bombard' my family with questions because their lives are busy, difficult enough as it is, and if it is true that they are faced with discrimination daily, then I don't want to contribute to any negativity they experience. People who are faced with criticism/judgement can often hear criticism/judgement where none is intended.

Therefore, I would rather ask people from various walks of life, with various experiences so that when I experience criticism/judgement on my family's behalf, I can respond with more than "er, tbh, I don't know".

So, I, for one, am not judging anyone. Our DD was born 5 weeks early and was very small. We fully expected her to have some form of SN - she has very mild vision/hearing issues but beyond that she doesn't appear to have, but we are well aware of the "there but for the grace of God...." aspect.

WincyEtNightie Sun 12-Jun-11 10:15:50

I suspect that you are - undoubtedly justifiably - angry about some recent twatty out of order comments or threads. I couldn't comment directly as didn't see them and possibly deletions have happened since. Anyway, I realise this isn't about deletion policy so..,,

I hope I'm reasonably well informed and not a small minded idiot but I have no direct experience of SN children to date. No doubt this will change as my DC go through school etc. I have no need, however, to pick up a book on the subject. But I do find insight from SN parents on particular issues useful and can hopefully help me react appropriately as and when I do encounter people with, eg ASD.

Small example. DD has been bitten and scratched at nursery. Happens all the time with young children. But these kids are rising 5. Other parents have commented to me that this child seems "different" in his interactions with adults and children. Now I very much hope that it won't go any further but if it does I'd love to use MN to see if SN might be the route cause here and understand what the parents and teachers may be doing or unable to do to address the impact on other DC.

Not the same as saying general "tell me about SN" as though all SN are the same but still looking to SN parents to "educate" me I guess?

WincyEtNightie Sun 12-Jun-11 10:17:07

On phone so x posted with about 20 others!

5inthebed Sun 12-Jun-11 10:18:51

Itsnearlysummer Op is not refering to you, she is referring to vile thread that was deleted. You'r question is quite genuine.

itisnearlysummer Sun 12-Jun-11 10:19:15

happy2bhomely That is shocking and completely unbelievable. Not that I disbelieve you, of course. I cannot believe that some people would a) have that thought, b) express it in public c) laugh when someone else expressed it. Shocking!

itisnearlysummer Sun 12-Jun-11 10:19:44

Ok, thanks! phew! thought I might have offended and really didn't want to.

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