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To think that I have possibly found the most insensitive person on the planet? (warninbg this may be upsetting to some)

(38 Posts)
toptramp Sat 11-Jun-11 20:43:09

As you may have read in my other threads, my mum is dying of mouth cancer and I am finding the suffering aspect of it very hard to deal with.
I confided in my childminder that I was finding it hard as she has lost family to cancer. She said ''oh mouth cancer is a particularly nasty one. So and sos dad died of it and he had pus coming out of his eyes.''

Cue me thinking even more about my poor mum and spending the whole day in a deep depression.

Do people like this KNOW they are doing it or are they just a bit thick?

herbietea Sat 11-Jun-11 20:45:12

Message withdrawn

FreudianSlipper Sat 11-Jun-11 20:45:13

i am sorry you have to hear this but some people really do not think before they open their mouths

hopefully she feels crap for being so insensitive, i would imagine she is

squeakytoy Sat 11-Jun-11 20:45:47

Wow.. that is just incredibly insensitive and thoughtless. sad

And very sorry to hear about your mum too. My dad had cancer in the roof of his mouth, so I understand how utterly horrific it is. sad

Imnotaslimjim Sat 11-Jun-11 20:49:37

Oh, how thoughtless sad Cancer is a shit disease, I'm so sorry you and you're mum are going through this

Please try to wipe the image from your mind though, or it will drive you mad sad

squeakytoy Sat 11-Jun-11 20:53:52

Can I also say, that didnt happen with my Dad. Every case will be different, so this ignorant woman is also talking bollocks. Yes it MAY happen, but equally it may not.

kitbit Sat 11-Jun-11 20:54:42

She's an insensitive loon, but is probably posting elsewhere on MN to say 'Oh God I can't believe what came out of my mouth today I feel awful'... I'm so sorry about your Mum

TidyDancer Sat 11-Jun-11 20:57:12

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. sad

Incredibly insensitive, yes. But hopefully also stupidly naive, rather than malicious.

toptramp Sat 11-Jun-11 20:58:27

If anyone has an ulcer in their mouth that won't go away after a week go and get it checked out immediately. My mum had what she thought was an ulcer and the dr kept sending her away with bonjella. It was fucking cancer. She is 58 and has never smoked. Both her parents smoked for 60 years. her dad died of old age and her mum is still alive at 88. Life just is not fucking fair. Sorry to rant but I'm terribly bitter and feel robbed. Can God or whatever not just give us a fucking break sometimes so we can just enjoy living on this sodding planet?

toptramp Sat 11-Jun-11 20:58:57

She's not malicious. Just over blunt.

everlong Sat 11-Jun-11 21:01:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic Sat 11-Jun-11 21:03:29

Someone very close to me had oral cancer, he had what he thought was ulcers and was referred, the consultant didn't do any proper checks and sent him away in the six months before it was found it progressed to the stage where it was lethal, however he survived. Five years on the consultant was found to be negligent in over 60 cases. Your mother now has to seek legal advice with regards her doctor.

Never see a doctor it is only a dentist who can determine what is in fact lethal or not.

worraliberty Sat 11-Jun-11 21:04:21

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum OP...and yes your CM is very insensitive sad

Northernlurker Sat 11-Jun-11 21:04:48

Yanbu. I'm sure she didn't mean to be a total pillock but sometimes we just mess up. With regard to what she said - banish all such thoughts. Very likely she'd got that all wrong but even if she hadn't then it sounds to me like an eye infection operating alongside the cancer. Very ill people often get that sort of thing because their body isn't up to fighting like it does when it's well but like everything else it can be treated with palliative measures.
Life isn't fair btw. You are absolutely bang on right with that one. My bil died three montsh ago from lung cancer leaving my sister a widow at 31. It's very, very hard to deal with.

BumWiper Sat 11-Jun-11 21:06:48

Very sorry to hear about your mum.

Maybe she just didnt know what toi say.I wouldnt think she was being deliberatly nasty.

changeforthebetter Sat 11-Jun-11 21:06:59

So sorry about your mum sad. My mum died of cancer and people just say truly shitty things out of ignorance, fear or LaLaLaLa-if-I-pretend-this-is-this-it-will-go-away. I seem to recall that something similar was said to my Dad when his second wife died of liver cancer. Some people are stupid and thoughtless and forget to press the "think" button instead of the "speak" button.

I hope your mum is comfortable and well-cared for. <<unMN hugs>>

LordOfTheFlies Sat 11-Jun-11 21:07:50

YANBU -but I think give her the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately with illness some people have to go one better .Maybe its to try and make you fell better that someone else is in a similar or worse situation, but it really doesn't help you.
sad for you and your mum.

IwanttobeShirleyValentine Sat 11-Jun-11 21:09:45

OMG!!!! What planet is she on???

How thoughtless.

I am so sorry you are going through this awful time.

squeakytoy Sat 11-Jun-11 21:10:31

TT, has your mums illness progressed to terminal or is there still a chance of recovery?

My dad had terrible tooth pain, and his incompetant twat of a dentist took over a year faffing about before finally sending him to the Dental Hospital, where they discovered the tumour. He had a biopsy, and shortly afterwards an 18 hour op, which meant losing the roof of his mouth, his cheekbone, an eye, and a long long recovery.

He obviously could barely talk due to the surgery done on his mouth, but he tried, and had speech therapy as well as radiotherapy and one of his "best friends" bumped into my mum while shopping and said "sorry I havent been round, but I find it so difficult to understand what he is trying to say"... my mum just looked at him in disgust and walked away. sad

toptramp Sat 11-Jun-11 21:12:45

I know she didn't mean it; it was just such a horrific image. Mum is comfortable and not in pain but it is so sad seeing a once bright and able women disintegrate and loose her faculties. Death comes to us all and often it isn't dignified. She is so amazing though. She has fighting spirit an dthe other day was folding tea towels and doing the laundry as though nothing was happening. She refuses to stay in bed and walks with a stick. She's the best.

toptramp Sat 11-Jun-11 21:13:39

Terminal. Two months max but looking at her I think mabe a few weeks. Mercifully I think as it's awful for her. I just can't believe that it can't be cured.

BumGeniusMensaMember Sat 11-Jun-11 21:14:57

Some people just don't engage brain when they speak. So sorry this twerp upset you toptramp. Avoid all topics of conversation with her apart from teh weather, I think stupid people tend to be repeat offenders on the foot-in-mouth syndrome front.

I had someone tell me once that I couldn't possibly understand how upset she was over her parents getting a divorce when she left for university because my parents were dead and so I'd never have to go through the pain of them getting a divorce hmm

You just have to wonder about some people, they aren't on the same planet as the rest of us.

pumpernickel10 Sat 11-Jun-11 21:16:38

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom op
Your childminder is an insensitive so and so

squeakytoy Sat 11-Jun-11 21:17:47

I am so so sorry. sad My dad fought so hard, and got back to teaching (he was a dance teacher) but 3 years after the first op, he got secondary cancer and that was very quick. He was 61 when he died.

saffy85 Sat 11-Jun-11 21:18:09

YANBU how utterly horrible ansd such a needless thing to say. There are a lot of thick people about unfortunately.

My heart goes out to your poor mum, and to you and the rest of your family.

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