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Too many toys?

(32 Posts)
OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:01:06

My DS2 has returned to live at home after splitting with his DP, with whom he has a nearly 2 yo. DS pays considerably more maintenance than he has to, the child stays over here three nights/days most weeks, and the split is mostly amicable.

Apart from when the ex's mad bitch of a mother gets involved.

DS is low-paid and his ex is unemployed, so I like to treat my dgs and have bought various toys for him in the months since his parents split. Mostly these are small things, bath toys and so on, though I'll confess to a couple of ride-on toys and a small table with chairs. Nothing is hugely expensive, with "bigger" toys mainly in the £20 - £30 range. We live in a massive farmhouse with safe outdoor space, the ex has moved back into the council scheme where the rest of her family live, where outdoor toys could not be left outdoors, and she has little storage space indoors.

Word has reached me that the screeching harpie other grandmother considers that I spend too much on the child, and that I am attempting to "buy his love." AfaIac, the child has no idea where toys come from (they're just "here," we don't make a big fanfare of "Oooh, look what granny bought!") so any such attempt would be utterly futile, and as he's here nearly half the week, he needs toys to entertain and educate him here, as much as he needs them at his mum's house.

I will shame-facedly confess that when I heard this story, I maliciously bought a slide, a paddling pool and a sand-and-water toy for my dgs, and posted about same on DS's Facebook wall, so the ex would see. I realise that this is childish of me, but can't see how it hurts anyone.

AIBU?

cjbartlett Sat 11-Jun-11 15:03:09

i was with you up until the last paragraph
but then you dropped in the boasting on facebook
that's just nasty

cjbartlett Sat 11-Jun-11 15:04:02

the rest of it I was just goign to say the mil's place is always in the wrong, especially the exmil grin
sounds like a hard situation all round

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:04:06

Yeah, I know. blush

cjbartlett Sat 11-Jun-11 15:05:21

grin never mind, you could delete it if you want relations between the two families to improve? after all they'll be birthday parties, nativities etc etc to attend to where you will see these people

Pumpernickel10 Sat 11-Jun-11 15:06:07

Grow up op

Journey Sat 11-Jun-11 15:07:12

Agree with cjbartlett

AmazingBouncingFerret Sat 11-Jun-11 15:07:57

You did it for the wrong reasons, BUT at least your DGS has some nice outdoor toys for when the weather gets nicer.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:09:19

Pumpernickel10, how would I demonstate my "growing up" - sending the toys back, deleting my shameful boasts... ?

Pumpernickel10 Sat 11-Jun-11 15:14:38

You put it on Facebook to merely rub salt in the wounds to your sons DP family. Now that's childish

Pumpernickel10 Sat 11-Jun-11 15:15:50

You don't have to send toys back just stop boasting on FB delete your comments and act your age.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:16:07

What wounds? shock Yes, I did it as a ner-ner-de-ner to the other granny, because I don't think it's any of her business what I spend my money on, but I doubt whether she's "wounded" by it.

KaraStarbuckThrace Sat 11-Jun-11 15:18:50

Agree that your DS's exMIL is being a cowbag, but why stoop to her level? It just makes you look bad.

There is nothing wrong with you buying stuff for your dgs but crowing about it on FB is just crass.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:19:48

OK, I accept that IABU about the FB thing, and will delete. I did admit in my OP it was childish. blush

squeakytoy Sat 11-Jun-11 15:21:33

I was in complete agreement with you, but you lost me completely with your last paragraph.

You have basically justified everything she thinks about you with that sort of behaviour. sad

KaraStarbuckThrace Sat 11-Jun-11 15:21:34

We've all done things like that on the spur of the moment.

Delete and forget. But if you do it again then it is off to the naughty step with you wink

nickelbabe Sat 11-Jun-11 15:23:37

I totally understand the gut reaction you had.
but you now have to delete the boast from FB.

You've had your rant on there and now you've got to pretend it never existed.
otherwise you might be causing problems for your DGS.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:25:09

I have deleted the FB posts, but how could this cause problems for DGS, nickelbabe? Seriously, I had never considered that!

squeakytoy Sat 11-Jun-11 15:26:36

It does build up problems for the future. Trust me.

We are in a similar situation, and it can cause a bad atmosphere which the kids do pick up on.

nickelbabe Sat 11-Jun-11 15:26:43

it could turn into a war between you and the other GM (i know you won't join in) - as the other GM could start making snide comments abotu you and your DS.
she also might put suggestions into the Ex's head that maybe it's not such a good idea to split childcare 50/50.

sad

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:27:38

nickelbabe, she already does that. It's one of the reasons I got childish. blush

worraliberty Sat 11-Jun-11 15:34:18

I was totally on your side until I read the last paragraph. The only thing I was going to say is...are you sure the other GP knows you don't make a big fanfare?

But since reading the last bit of your OP, I agree that you should grow up and stop deliberately causing trouble in your Grandchild's life if you have an ounce of respect for him/her.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:37:52

The other GM has made a speciality of construing any and everything in the worst possible light; when I provided the deposit and first month's rent on the house DS and his ex shared, other GM accused me of trying to control them, although she and the ex chose the house themselves!

worraliberty Sat 11-Jun-11 15:40:48

I'm sorry but I'm not actually surprised they split up. Why don't you and the other Gran just stop this childish shit..let your son and his ex live their lives in peace and go and find something else to interfere in fill up your spare time?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 11-Jun-11 15:42:59

Their split had nothing to do with me; they were just too young. And it's difficult not to "interfere" when the child lives here half the week.

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