Long story short - DD2 is 14, her dad left when she was a babe in arms, a few weeks old. Has walked in and out of her life, an hour of his time here and there, gone for years, back again and gone again, lied about his job to avoid paying child support, same old story for so many lone parents, I know.
DD2 has been through hell as a bullied child and is now at a school catering specifically for bullied youngsters. I alone fought for and found this school. When ex DH asked about schooling during one of his once a month 1 hour visits (where he would talk about himself and to me, not to our DC) I bollocked him for leaving it all to me and leaving DD unsupported during months of fighting the LA, during which DD was without a school and this family was close to breaking point in desperation and exhaustion. He walked out in a huff, DD has been hurt and angry since. Made worse by ex recently giving elder DD £30 as a 16th birthday gift and saying that he'll take her and her friend for dinner to celebrate (when he didn't even send DD2 a card for her last birthday) and adding that he won't take DD2 with them to dinner or even see her because of her "attitude" towards him.
Tomorrow DD2 is singing solo at her school's charity fundraising event. This kid has been through hell and back, singing in front of strangers is such a brave move for her. Despite bitterness over being rejected by ex she surprised me by asking if she could call him this evening to ask him if he'd like to go and hear her sing. It's a 2 hour max event and very local.
He won't. He's too busy, won't change his plans (she asked, fair enough, the world doesn't revolve around her but she's a kid, he's her dad, of course she'll ask him to change them). Wouldn't tell her why he won't/can't go.
I've just heard her on the phone to a friend. The song she's singing is
She told her friend, her voice faltering, "I'm singing this for my Dad, I'm singing this about my Dad. He won't come and hear me sing. He says he's too busy but he won't even tell me why he won't come and what's so important that he can't be there"
AIBU to want to text the bastard and tell him "She's singing 'Because Of You'... she's singing it for you and she's singing it about you. You're breaking her heart."
She was fighting back the tears. Tears over her father that with one exception she's always bottled up, though I've seen it in her eyes, she turns away to stop them breaking through and replaces them with anger.
I won't do it, but christ, surely I'm not being unreasonable to want to and to be in floods of tears myself for my daughter tonight.
I suppose I'm not looking for validation, I'm certainly not looking for an argument. I'm just trying to offload because there's no-one else I can confide in tonight. Thank you for 'listening'.
AIBU?
to want to text ex and tell him what he's doing what a prat he is and what he's missing?
DogsBestFriend · 11/06/2011 00:28
FWIW, you sound like a lovely mum and your DD will come through this because of you. Your bond will be all the more special because of it.
But still
It is very sad for her. Poor wee soul.
Her Dad is a selfish, self-absorbed cunt who is not worthy of such a child.
She'll be ok though 
Because she has a loving, strong Mum who HAS got her best interests at heart & will get her through it.
We have had similar experiences. They just don't get it, do they?
Girls need their Dads to make them feel good about who they are, to tell them they are pretty, clever, talented or whatever, special. The way a father treats his daughter comes to be how she expects all men to treat her.
Through selfishness these absent fathers cause more hurt and damage than they are capable of imagining.
Is this the daughter who called him a cunt the other week? Apologies if not.
I know it's heartbreaking but perhaps he really does have something on that he cant break at such short notice?
Is it possible to video it and send it on to him?
Oh Dogs!
I left an abusive relationship too so I get where you're coming from about the punishment angle. I didn't realise that was at play here.
I don't know what to say really, other than it's so, so wrong. It sucks and I feel for you and your DD.
On a more positive note, don't underestimate how positive an influence your undying love and support will be for your DD.
((hugs))
Yes it is. 
:(
Not proud of her for that but can understand it.
I do accept that he may have an unbreakable commitment (though can't think what, not work and at 7pm on a Saturday night probably social so surely any party/dinner/gathering host wuld understand a late apology under the circumstances?).
In a way I (childishly) think that he shouldn't have a video if indeed there will be one available, that he doesn't need to see it for his sake but to be there for hers if that makes sense?
For other readers, to my shame though understanding DD2 called him a cunt when he offered to take DD1 and pal for the birthday dinner and gave her money and a card when DD2 didn't get so much as a card for her own birthday a couple of months before (because he had the hump with me). This follows years of him rejecting both DDs and, when on the odd time he did bother, blatantly favouring DD1 in a way that was shocking and whichboth picked up on even when very small.
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