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Am I too polite?

(13 Posts)
Psychpineapple Fri 10-Jun-11 19:50:33

It may just be me and if that is the case then I'll have to do something about it.

If someone wants to talk to me about something, I listen, nod, interject if appropriate, but most importantly (IMHO) I give them the time to air their thoughts, as if they want to talk about it it is obviously important to them, even if it is completely insignificant or of no interest whatsoever to me.

However, I'm noticing (whether it is occuring more often or whether I am just noticing it more) that if I want to talk about something important to me and the recipient is not interested I am told either bluntly 'to shut up as it is boring' or slightly more subtle 'talk to so and so they will find that interesting'.

It is bugging me now as I can't be rude, and to be honest I'm not sure I want to be rude and hurt someone's feelings by being rude in this manner.

Am I alone in this? Will you allow someone to talk to you about something that may not be as interesting for you as it is in the teller?

nethunsreject Fri 10-Jun-11 19:52:29

Really? People actually tell you to shut up?


Psychpineapple Fri 10-Jun-11 19:53:52

Yes and I have been very hurt by it.

Especially when it has been done by people who have spoken to me at length about whatever it is they want to talk about.

nethunsreject Fri 10-Jun-11 19:54:54

I think you need to find nicer people to talk to!

ANd no, you sound normal, not too polite.

MrsSatsuma Fri 10-Jun-11 19:58:16

Ditto above! How rude of those people. That's really not on.

purplepidjin Fri 10-Jun-11 20:01:02

Sounds like you need some proper friends, I'm afraid. Anyone who gives you the impression you are boring them is not deserving of your time and effort.

If you're incapable like me of telling them to jog on dearie, just don't see them. Or tell them it's your turn.

Next time they start off on one, text a mate/mum/dp asking for a get out phone call where they pretend there's a dire emergency you absolutely have to get to (burst pipe, child fallen over and potentially hurt, where are you I'm waiting outside the doctor/dentist...)

Psychpineapple Fri 10-Jun-11 20:05:52

Unfortunately these are work colleagues. So I'm lumbered with them, and it makes no difference whether I'm talking something work related (usually) or not.

So I'm lumbered with them - I will just 'shut up', and carry on nodding inanely.

TheMonster Fri 10-Jun-11 20:08:31

Shut up. It's boring.

Only joking grin

I know what you mean, but no-one has actually told me to shut pu: they just look uninterested or talk over me or about something else.

purplepidjin Fri 10-Jun-11 20:17:27

Read up and practise bored body language - arms crossed, not facing them properly, looking around, glancing at your watch, asking them to repeat something they just said. If you can't make yourself be as outright rude as they are, do it subtly grin

Or when they set off, say "Excuse me please, I think i can hear my direct line ringing". This works especially well in a silent office...

"Excuse me, please I must get to the toilet before I wet myself" works too grin

Psychpineapple Fri 10-Jun-11 20:18:44

Nice to know I'm not a freak!

Thank you all grin

ubigliar Fri 10-Jun-11 20:19:50

There's a woman at our school gates who always asks me questions, then is too bored to listen to the answer, and talks over me. I've just come to the conclusion she has zero social skills. All two way conversation involves one person having the courtesy to listen to the other, whether they find it interesting or not. Do these people really imagine that they are so incredibly interesting themselves? YANBU

purplepidjin Fri 10-Jun-11 20:27:34

Nah, it's just that there's a whole bunch of us working in care where it's standard behaviour and an essential skill although they don't put that on the application form wink

FetchezLaVache Fri 10-Jun-11 20:29:19

YANBU- it's rude and annoying! I had a housemate at uni who used to tell you every minute detail of everything involving herself. She didn't mind me asking questions to draw her out with even more detail, but I ever tried to say anything at all on my own account, even just an "oh yes, that happened to my cousin once" type anecdote, she would either talk over me or look away with a "how very rude" expression, deliberately not listening to me, then when I had finished would pointedly say "Anyway, as I was saying..." and launch straight back in. I recently met up with her again for the first time in over ten years and I can tell you how much she got for her previous car when she traded it in, ffs, but I don't think she even knows what my husband's name is or what I do. I think I'll leave it twenty years before I bother again.

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