pregnant at 17 ... but it was 'expected'

[waspbee]

friend of my husband has a daughter who has just announced shes pregnant. the mother said she 'expected it' to happen. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am i being unreasonable to think what the hell happened to her mothers duty to get involved and stop it happening. so sad

[Pesha]

Yes, YABVU.

[EvenLessNarkyPuffin]

You do know it's illegal to lock them in their rooms don't you?

[worraliberty]

That would depend on if she's in a serious long term relationship I suppose?

[TheFlyingOnion]

nope, yanbu.

In what way did the mother "expect" it? Was her daughter sleeping around? Has she got a long term bf?

[BimboNo5]

YANBU but theres not a lot that the parents could have done to prevent it. I hope I instill better values and ambition in my teenage girls though

[TattyDevine]

Let me get this straight - the girl is the age of consent, and you expect her mother (not parents, but mother) to somehow stop it? How does she do that? The mechanics of it make me feel a little ill...

[PenguinArmy]

"so sad" wtf?? on that basis YABU

[steben]

YANBU totally agree with BimboNo5

[LilQueenie]

yabu at 17 she is above the age of consent and you do not know the curcumstances.

[Nullius]

"better values!"
Hmm, this all depends doesnt it, because now you will have those who want to rant about benefits, and free council houses, blah blah.

I was a teenage parent and im doing just fine thankyou. Infact I have better qualifications than nearly all the non-teenage parents I went to school with.

Most of my friends group from back then didnt avoid getting pregnant, they just had abortions. So think about that before you get on your moral high horses.

[PamBeesly]

Do you know why it was expected? At 17 you can give your child guidance but you cannot dictate to them what they can and can't do. Even when they are living at home, at 17 they have independence. However, the parents of this girl could have taught her about birth control, instilled some ambition in her as another poster said. I dont think the mother is reasonable to say that it was expected though.

[BumWiper]

Well its not a tradgedy,best of luck with her pregnancy.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I think it's a shame, 17 is so very young. I wouldn't want it for my daughters either. :(

This thread is inevitably going to turn into a 'them and us' bunfight because some posters will not be able to stop themselves from projecting other posters comments onto themselves. For avoidance of doubt, I'm replying to the OP with this post, not making judgements about anybody else.

[PenguinArmy]

FWIW I was not a teenage parent

[Northernlurker]

No idea how the mother was supposed to get 'involved'

[activate]

I have a number of "children" much younger than 17 that I "expect" to be pregnant within the next year or so

yes you can work to stop it happening but you fail more often than succeed

families and society have a lot to answer for

[MillyR]

YABU. How do you know she has no ambition?

I would have no problem at all with my DD getting pregnant at 17.

[alemci]

You make some valid points Nulius. my ED is 17 and in a relationship but I think having a baby is the last thing she wants.

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

Well, LyingWitch you're right it's easy to project personal circumstances onto the OP, but I'm going to hold up my hand and do it anyway.

wasp, I got pregnant when I was 18 and my mother's version of 'duty' consisted of insisting I had an abortion. I know it's not the same, and I know you're objecting to this mum 'expecting' her daughter to get pregnant. I do see that the wording she used makes it sound rather as if she's not thrilled but nor surprised either, which I think we can agree isn't a great combination. But, you know, I would have been so, so happy to have a mum who gave me as much autonomy as this girl's mum, even if she had expressed it this way. So ... I think YABU, really.

There's also the possibility that the mum isn't sharing all of her feelings on the subject with you - she may be livid but may not want to tell you so, but her daughter is over the age of consent, so she can't force her not to have sex.

[BimboNo5]

You may well have made good of the situation Nullius but I wouldnt WANT my child to think it was good option aged 17. There is more to live than being a teenage mother and plenty of time to have such responsibility.

[HalfPastWine]

OP, YANBU

[Mumofaflump]

I have just had a baby at 27 and there are still loads of things I want to do in my life that I probably won't get the chance to do now.

For that reason, I feel a little, not sorry exactly, but something akin to that for young parents. Teenagers should enjoy and relish being relatively carefree.

However, each to their own and no-one can ever judge how good a parent will be based on their age.

[catgirl1976]

at that age ambition is the best form of contraception. she may turn out to be a great mother, have a kick ass career and be blissfully happy but i do still think its a shame and that she is too young. just my opinion though

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

We can't have a bun fight because the bun is in the oven.

As for 'her mothers duty to get involved and stop it happening' - what about the alleged duty of both fathers', or do you always scapegoat women?

All forms of contraception have varying rates of failure, and they all fail spectacularly if they remain unused.

Perhaps you'd care to organise a march and rally in Trafalgar Square and petition the government to pass a law that obliges all parents and guardians to administer (forcibly if necessary) contraceptives to their children from the age of puberty to age - what? - 18, 21, 25?

Oh, hang about - birth control pills for males are not yet widely available. What would you suggest instead? Superglue condoms to the penises of all young makes, or that all young females should be given contraceptive injections?

Of course YANBU - YAbeingBbloodyU.

Next time please try ensure that your judgeypants do not restrict the flow of blood to the brain.