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pregnant at 17 ... but it was 'expected'

(338 Posts)
waspbee Fri 10-Jun-11 17:36:48

friend of my husband has a daughter who has just announced shes pregnant. the mother said she 'expected it' to happen. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am i being unreasonable to think what the hell happened to her mothers duty to get involved and stop it happening. so sad

Pesha Fri 10-Jun-11 17:40:27

Yes, YABVU.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin Fri 10-Jun-11 17:40:57

You do know it's illegal to lock them in their rooms don't you?

worraliberty Fri 10-Jun-11 17:41:35

That would depend on if she's in a serious long term relationship I suppose?

TheFlyingOnion Fri 10-Jun-11 17:41:54

nope, yanbu.

In what way did the mother "expect" it? Was her daughter sleeping around? Has she got a long term bf?

BimboNo5 Fri 10-Jun-11 17:42:24

YANBU but theres not a lot that the parents could have done to prevent it. I hope I instill better values and ambition in my teenage girls though

TattyDevine Fri 10-Jun-11 17:43:09

Let me get this straight - the girl is the age of consent, and you expect her mother (not parents, but mother) to somehow stop it? How does she do that? The mechanics of it make me feel a little ill...

PenguinArmy Fri 10-Jun-11 17:43:56

"so sad" wtf?? on that basis YABU

steben Fri 10-Jun-11 17:45:12

YANBU totally agree with BimboNo5

LilQueenie Fri 10-Jun-11 17:51:00

yabu at 17 she is above the age of consent and you do not know the curcumstances.

Nullius Fri 10-Jun-11 17:52:09

"better values!"
Hmm, this all depends doesnt it, because now you will have those who want to rant about benefits, and free council houses, blah blah.

I was a teenage parent and im doing just fine thankyou. Infact I have better qualifications than nearly all the non-teenage parents I went to school with.

Most of my friends group from back then didnt avoid getting pregnant, they just had abortions. So think about that before you get on your moral high horses.

PamBeesly Fri 10-Jun-11 17:52:26

Do you know why it was expected? At 17 you can give your child guidance but you cannot dictate to them what they can and can't do. Even when they are living at home, at 17 they have independence. However, the parents of this girl could have taught her about birth control, instilled some ambition in her as another poster said. I dont think the mother is reasonable to say that it was expected though.

BumWiper Fri 10-Jun-11 17:54:03

Well its not a tradgedy,best of luck with her pregnancy.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 10-Jun-11 17:56:25

I think it's a shame, 17 is so very young. I wouldn't want it for my daughters either. sad

This thread is inevitably going to turn into a 'them and us' bunfight because some posters will not be able to stop themselves from projecting other posters comments onto themselves. For avoidance of doubt, I'm replying to the OP with this post, not making judgements about anybody else.

PenguinArmy Fri 10-Jun-11 17:57:57

FWIW I was not a teenage parent

Northernlurker Fri 10-Jun-11 17:58:16

No idea how the mother was supposed to get 'involved' hmm

activate Fri 10-Jun-11 17:58:47

I have a number of "children" much younger than 17 that I "expect" to be pregnant within the next year or so

yes you can work to stop it happening but you fail more often than succeed

families and society have a lot to answer for

MillyR Fri 10-Jun-11 18:00:17

YABU. How do you know she has no ambition?

I would have no problem at all with my DD getting pregnant at 17.

alemci Fri 10-Jun-11 18:01:55

You make some valid points Nulius. my ED is 17 and in a relationship but I think having a baby is the last thing she wants.

HushedTones Fri 10-Jun-11 18:05:44

Short of clapping her in a chastity belt or locking her in the wardrobe what do you think the mother can do?
You can argue "better values" but children from good homes with good values rebel. A lot! Most of them get away with it. Some don't.
You can argue "talking frankly with her DD" but her DD is above the age of consent and will only hear what she wants to hear.
You can argue "supervision" but at 17 the girl will be away from her mother much of the time and has every right to be.
You can argue "contraception" but at 17 the girl is allowed to make her own decisions about her body and if she thinks the pill makes you fat or has some romantic notion about having a baby to love her then frankly nothing can be done.

So YABU - it may be perfectly possible as a mother to see her teenage daughter heading for a pregnancy and yet be able to do absolutely nothing about it.

LRDTheFeministDragon Fri 10-Jun-11 18:06:54

Well, LyingWitch you're right it's easy to project personal circumstances onto the OP, but I'm going to hold up my hand and do it anyway.

wasp, I got pregnant when I was 18 and my mother's version of 'duty' consisted of insisting I had an abortion. I know it's not the same, and I know you're objecting to this mum 'expecting' her daughter to get pregnant. I do see that the wording she used makes it sound rather as if she's not thrilled but nor surprised either, which I think we can agree isn't a great combination. But, you know, I would have been so, so happy to have a mum who gave me as much autonomy as this girl's mum, even if she had expressed it this way. So ... I think YABU, really.

There's also the possibility that the mum isn't sharing all of her feelings on the subject with you - she may be livid but may not want to tell you so, but her daughter is over the age of consent, so she can't force her not to have sex.

BimboNo5 Fri 10-Jun-11 18:09:18

You may well have made good of the situation Nullius but I wouldnt WANT my child to think it was good option aged 17. There is more to live than being a teenage mother and plenty of time to have such responsibility.

HalfPastWine Fri 10-Jun-11 18:10:16

OP, YANBU

Mumofaflump Fri 10-Jun-11 18:10:55

I have just had a baby at 27 and there are still loads of things I want to do in my life that I probably won't get the chance to do now.

For that reason, I feel a little, not sorry exactly, but something akin to that for young parents. Teenagers should enjoy and relish being relatively carefree.

However, each to their own and no-one can ever judge how good a parent will be based on their age.

catgirl1976 Fri 10-Jun-11 18:15:57

at that age ambition is the best form of contraception. she may turn out to be a great mother, have a kick ass career and be blissfully happy but i do still think its a shame and that she is too young. just my opinion though

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