or possibly paranoid-----superma
we've all been there , abandoning the shopping to run after one or two children / screaming child doesnt want to sit in the trolly-seat / child disapears for what seems like ages to be found making a den under the fruit and veg stall / you find yourself shouting at a child after he push a bottle of milk over . you get the picture .
actually, most spermarket trips with two kids are fine with the right military organisation and go quite smoothly without event
when it doesnt go smoothly, men tend to ignore it wrapped up in their own worlds , women look, and laugh!!!! well chuckle at least, in my paranoid mind there thinking " ahh, if only those kids were with their mum, it would be all fine " well, of course it would , mum would probably have brought her knitting and be making a phone call to her mum at the same time as executing the perfect shopping experience. or maybe they are sympathising, haveing been there themselves, i tend to think it's the former, as that allows women to feel good about themselves .
Always the latter with me. I have to actually hear someone speaking/behaving inappropriately to a child to think bad things about them.
Parenting is hard work and I think most people are looking on with sympathy/empathy. We have a cracking photo of DD who went off
in a strop in a large shop sitting tucked away on one of the shelves like a toy for sale. Bless!
"men tend to ignore it wrapped up in their own worlds"
"women look, and laugh"
"if only those kids were with their mum, it would be all fine " well, of course it would , mum would probably have brought her knitting "
"that allows women to feel good about themselves ."
p.s. for the record my DH is capable of taking his children around the supermarket. He's a father, he's not incompetent you know.
Are you saying women are more judgemental than men??
Hmmm, well I suppose if you're looking at the glances with that interpretation they will do.
My DH is also great at taking our DDs to the shop, while I MN in peace.
Definitely empathy! And also being slightly glad that it happens to other people as well.
If a child is having a strop, I'll smile/chuckle to the mother, and I hope it never comes across as though I like the fact her child is being naughty, just that I've been through it too and, I'm sure, so has every other mum!
I laugh when kids are being amusing I can't help it, but it is emphatic laughter.
I usually smile and add a 'been there, done that' comment to avoid confusion. Not that DD ever misbehaved in a supermarket of course
Another one whose dh is better at taking the dc to the supermarket than they are.
I certainly never judge. In fact I'm more likely to be wrapped up in my own wee world.
i cant imagine any adult not being able to handle two children in a supermarket, not exactly rocket science is it
speaking as a mother of three btw
If the dad can't control his two little buggers, I like to poke them with my knitting needles for him.
i should point out that dw refuses to go shopping with the buggers attall, and when she does she manages one bag and i end up going back the next day, she isnt a bad mother, just crap at supermarlet shopping. looking at your comments i'm sort of concluding that the laughter is through empathy
i supose my point is broader, let me try to explain.....
walking in the park with DW in january , bloke and 2 year old walks by , 2 year old diddnt have a hat on, wife whispers to me " that child should have a hat on, why cant men organise the basics ?"
now, if it was a woman, she still would have been judged, but not in that way, so no matter how good men get at fatherhood in these modern times they will allways be judged agaisnt the higher motherhood benchmark.
A woman would have phrased this much better.
I think it's the women who get growled at by other women when the brats are running amok in supermarkets <sniggering at spermarket> whereas men get the aww look at the bloke trying to cope.
I know which I would prefer even if it is a patronising snigger.
When I go to the supermarket with my DCs (aged 4.2 and 18 months) on my own I have an 'OK' time and the majority of the problems are caused by me not driving and therefore having less space to fit the shopping (in a shopping basket hung on the pushchair). However, when DP comes along (he drives so we need this for big shops, plus I need his shopping input) he turns it into a it of a circus, and DS tends to play him up and get wound up by him at the same time. He often handles things badly (overreacts to minor things and spends the whole time telling DS off), and it is difficult to know how to react as I want to show a united front but don't really think he helps himself. If I were a stranger watching him I would probably use my jugdypants. I know myself DS is hard work sometimes, but remind myself that as well as the children at the supermarket there will be probably the same number at home because mum and/or dad don't ever take them because of their behaviour!
I do all the grocery shopping for us as my wife hates it. I've been doing it for the last 9 years of marriage! When we got our little toddler (20 months) it was unspoken and expected that I'd continue doing it. I DID manage to get her to come along the first time as I was pretty nervous. So far (touch wood) I haven't had any issues with the little one.
My top tips? Give him a cucumber to gnaw on. This usually lasts through half the store. I know he's fed up when he chucks it on the floor. I then go for the raisins. It's much easier to get the shopping done when his little mouth is stuffed full of chewy things!
I tend to stare judgementally at mums with loud kids, but even more at mums shouting AT their kids, swearing and calling them names. I live in THAT kind of neighbourhood...
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