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Horrid Husband

(5 Posts)
chocolatelover1234 Fri 10-Jun-11 08:59:39

Please help AIBU?? DH and i have been together for 9 yrs married for 1, we have a DD who's 3. We've always been happy together have the occasional row like everybody. Recently we've been rowing a bit to much for my liking.

WE're under alot of stress esp. DH he is self employed and only has 2 weeks work left before having nothing at all despite us trying for more work. Instead of leaning on me he's taking it out on me (nothing physical) and has now started on DD.

This morning for example DD woke and shouted morning at her door DH got up and went to see her she said i want Mummy. DH went mad at her and me saying i'd turned DD against him because i don;t discipline her enough!! I understand he's feeling low but i can't put up with him shouting at DD like that it's not fair. I'm going a little insane AIBU??

cannydoit Fri 10-Jun-11 09:07:15

it sounds like he is going through a bit of a tough time and taking it out on you guys not ideal but its what happens, we take our anger and hurt and frustrations out on the ones we love and love us because we feel safe to do so. look at us pmting. saying that there is a limit, so you probably need to let him ride it out for a while, but i would say that maybe you need to have a really none confrontational chat with him, even if he gets angry you keep your cool just saying how this is going down at home, because ultimately, you will be telling him that he is making home life bad and that will be another thing for him to worry/upset about, iyswim

jeckadeck Fri 10-Jun-11 09:12:00

unemployment -- or the threat of it -- can have huge consequences for the self-esteem, particularly for men. I think its difficult for women to understand how much mens' identity is tied up with their work and they can feel useless without it. So perhaps bear this in mind and maybe say to him that you understand he's feeling stressed about this and you are here to help.

Having said that, neither you nor your daughter should have to tolerate aggression and you have to be pretty firm about this. I would say you are very sympathetic and want to help and you both love him very much but that he needs to find better channels for his stress.

chocolatelover1234 Fri 10-Jun-11 09:36:38

I have tried the none confrontational chat he then says he's fine and turns nice for a bit. I've even said here's your fishing rod go for a bit and see you later, go and relax. I've said i'm here to half the load and he just tells me shut up about it and won't discuss work!

It's like living with Jekel and Hyde. I grew up with an angry Dad and i don't want the same for my DD. I just want my DH back and he seems so far away from me atm i can't seem to reach him. He refused Dr's.

cestlavielife Fri 10-Jun-11 10:51:16

sit and look at worst case scenario and how you will manage financially.

piont out to him that taking it out on you/dd will only cause more stress.

ask him what he proposes to do himself to relieve his stress. what helps him? what helps you?

tell him that you will work together on this and try and stay calm in front of DD - but make it clear what your boundaries are and how much you will tolerate

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