Advanced search

'day orphanages'

(1001 Posts)
beesimo Fri 10-Jun-11 07:53:32

Yesterday on a thread about male nursery workers which descended into childish name calling in a fit of temper I used the phrase 'day orphanages' I am not bothered about the people who got angry about it but I am sorry for any hurt or upset I caused by a badly expressed opinion I hold.

I am Romany heritage and we live our lives according to a moral code that many people see as old fashioned, pathetic, paranoid ect ect. We take total responsibility for our familes from the cradle to the grave. You will not live long enough to see one of our old people in a 'home' for example whatever it takes to keep them with us 'our family' we will do. We don't see sacrifice we see duty done and we don't count cost to ourselves.

If we disagree it don't mean your are right and I am wrong it means we disagree. But I am sorry for any HURT caused by me.

We are off out shortly so cannot stay on long.


bruxeur Fri 10-Jun-11 08:01:17

Well that's not true, I've seen loads of granny-dumping by travellers, especially around big horse fairs/Xmas.

beesimo Fri 10-Jun-11 08:04:22

That is simply a lie

passiveaggresive Fri 10-Jun-11 08:05:49

brave call beesimo thread about a thread is considered bad form, sorry not sure how long you have been around on mumsnet because ive been gone for a while and came back.

I hope you are wearing your flameproof suit.

Personally i am very interested in your culture and think your values are admirable. It is interesting that you don't like day nurseries for youngsters. I just wondered if it were romany culture to have many people looking after the children, so , older sisters, aunts etc - isn't that a similar sort of thing, leaving your children with people who you trust. I didnt use nursery as i have been a SAHM since DD was born, but i did send her to playschool or pre school, every morning and she loved it. Yes, the carers were "strangers" to start with, but not for long, she had her own keyworker and loved all of her carers, it was really great.

In a society where we are forced to send our children to school at such an early age (thats a whole other thread i think) i think that preparation in an environment of play and learning is vital fo social development.

I like you, you have got a lot of balls, but you don't half did yourself into some holes grin Like i said, im very interested in your culture and would love to learn more and im sure i am not alone, maybe you should be starting a thread about your values etc, but do it in Chat not in AIBU as it will always, always turn into a bunfight.

bruxeur Fri 10-Jun-11 08:06:07

Lol. Are you omnipotent as well?

Beesimo - I have PM'd you.

I know you didn't mean any hurt and as I said on the other thread, I know you hold different opinions to me on a lot of things. I also happen to think you talk a lot of sense at times.

Don't take it too much to heart, at the end of the day, as scottishmummy says, it's only words on a screen.

passiveaggresive Fri 10-Jun-11 08:09:57

i dont understand your comments bruxeur, please enlighten me

EricNorthmansMistress Fri 10-Jun-11 08:10:03

Well done for apologising. 'Day nurseries' is an awful term but thankfully I'm secure enough in my parenting choices not to be upset by it. None of the nursery workers (including Tony, DS's favourite) are strangers to him, or any of our friends/our lodger/all the other people who help with childcare.

You have a different culture and values to many on here which is fine but please try not to be so dispariging about others' choices and lifestyles. I agree with some of what you say and I love your style at times but you come across as quite dismissive and offensive about alternative cultures to your own.

EricNorthmansMistress Fri 10-Jun-11 08:11:03

Day nurseries is an awful term grin what a twat. 'Day orphanages' obviously.

exoticfruits Fri 10-Jun-11 08:11:14

I wouldn't take it to heart. Just a different way of looking at things.It was good of you to apologise, so I hope you don't get further mud slinging.

exoticfruits Fri 10-Jun-11 08:13:10

I suppose it depends on how secure you are in your own choices. I am quite happy with nurseries and determined that my family won't have me living with them when old-so other views don't bother me.

DuelingFanjo Fri 10-Jun-11 08:14:25

I don't understand how someone can use that phrase without knowing it would be hurtful but at least you apologised even if you're not bothered that it made people angry.

clemetteattlee Fri 10-Jun-11 08:17:57

So you start another thread just in case the rest of us didn't see what you wrote yesterday...hmm

valiumredhead Fri 10-Jun-11 08:22:15

Not read the thread but anyone who reflects and apologises afterwards is ok in my book. I think the thing to remember is that everyone holds different views/values, doesn't make then right or wrong - just different smile

Morloth Fri 10-Jun-11 08:22:36

LOL, I wouldn't worry beesimo I don't think most people understand what it is you are on about most of the time anyway.

You are a bit of a 'comic relief' character for me.

I quite like the idea of day orphanages. I wonder if there are any running in the school holidays? They could feed DS1 bread and water and make him do a hard day's labour. Then he might not bitch so much about having to put his cup in the sink...

smashinghairday Fri 10-Jun-11 08:24:13

I'm sure there is plenty I could say about your culture and it's treatment and expectations of women, beesimo.

But I won't because I have to take DD to her day orphanage and she is literally hopping on the spot with excitement.

Bucharest Fri 10-Jun-11 08:26:45

Spare us the Princess Diana looking up through those eyelashes thing beesimo.

valiumredhead Fri 10-Jun-11 08:27:15

them not then

Morloth Fri 10-Jun-11 08:29:04

You sure she doesn't just need a wee smashing? You are OK to take her, being a woman and all...

bochead Fri 10-Jun-11 08:31:45

One of my dreams is to one day be in a position to adopt a Romany child. So many are dumped, abandoned, trafficked across Europe every year. Sadly the last century has all but destroyed many Romany families through many forms of persecution - if yours is still intact be greatful and hang onto what you have.

beesimo Fri 10-Jun-11 08:38:40

I didn't know about not starting thread about thread. Other thread has been deleted by MN for rascist abuse which I did not request as I want to know who thinks what.

I started this thread to say sorry for hurt. I have been shocked and hurt many times by wickeness on MN calling of people ect, it seems ok for some of you to say bad words but you do not cope when people disagree with you.


You don't need to say it I'll say it for thee all Romany men are beasts Romany women are downtrodden Romany lads are all looking for virgins to rape and Romany girls are all victims of abuse. Plus we leave rubbish every where or we are millionaires who never pay are taxes. Anything to add?

bruxeur Fri 10-Jun-11 08:42:15

Don't know about "all", absolutes are so hard to prove. Perhaps "lots" is more accurate?

beesimo Fri 10-Jun-11 08:43:01

Be greatdful!

Who do you think you are how dare you tell me to be greatful!!

Birdsgottafly Fri 10-Jun-11 08:45:43

The OP is obviously stating what happens in her imediate family, as any of us could do, regardless of 'cultural' background. That does not mean that behaviour applies to all in 'our' society.

I see nothing on the JK show that i can identify with, for example. My father left his country of birth because he did not agree with the 'culture'.

The problem was OP, you state that you are romany heritage and then use the term 'we'. If you use 'we' as everyone from romany heritage lives in exactly the same way that you do, that is a stupid and ridiculous cliam to make.

beesimo Fri 10-Jun-11 08:46:17

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

This thread is not accepting new messages.