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To think my son could have an education without racism being tossed into the mix

(33 Posts)
royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 00:15:31

I am half Nigerian / White. DS is 1/4 Nigerian English/Welsh and DD is 1/4 Nigerian English / Irish.

My son (12) and I imagine my daughter (1) will have to deal with this sort of bigotry all their lives and it breaks my heart.

I know I had it from birth as my Mother has told me I had bricks thrown in my pram and she was called a nigger lover, so much so that her brother had to walk with her and myself for protection. (1978)

My DS (12) has been on FB for a few months and it has been quite positive for socialising etc.

He then started receiving some name calling and putdowns which then turned into racist abuse . eg. Nigger Lips, Paki, etc.

He deleted the posts but his half - sister (My DSD - white) copied them in an e-mail to me and his Dad.

She was very angry as was his Dad (white), I expected this to happen.

3 dfiferent teens from his school participated in an absolutely vile racist tirade against him. In all 78 posts threatening to beat him up at school. I have now blocked this 'child' from his Facebook page.

However during this tirade of abuse my 12 yr old son had consistently posted 'I know I have black roots and I am proud of it, not going to change who I am' ,

I am so proud of him for being happy in his own skin but don't want to make too much of an issue out of it as I have brought him up as my mother did to be proud of his achievements and goals and he should pity those who judge of others skin colour; They must have very shallow, narrow-minded and limited minds.

As much as I would want to protect my son I think that exposing him to this mindset and not interfering (as much as I want to), it will make him a bigger person and I hate to say it but prapre him for racism in his adult lirfe.

JaneFonda Fri 10-Jun-11 00:24:44

It sounds like your DS has got a really good head on his shoulders - good for him for being proud of who he is.

In a way, I think you're doing the right thing - it's certainly an awful thing, but it is something that (very unfortunately) he will have to deal with on occasions throughout his life.

Just be there to support him, you sound like a lovely mum. smile

Alambil Fri 10-Jun-11 00:32:07

have you copied the messages and used the school's anti-bullying policy? (they will cover cyber bullying)

royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 00:32:39

I should add that we live (and have always lived) in a rural community. We are the 'only blacks in the community' - There was a chinese boy but he moved.......... I love a rural life but do not like the bigotry........ (BNP stronghold). I hate to say it but it makes you question if the person you say 'Good Morning' to actually hates your guts!

MillyR Fri 10-Jun-11 00:32:56

It is up to you whether or not you want to report it to the school, and clearly your concern it what is in his best interests.

But schools are meant to act on online bullying, and so if it did happen again, you do have the option of showing the posts to the school and getting them to deal with it.

If the school did deal with it, it might make those kids think twice about their behaviour, and might reduce their chances of behaving in racist ways as adults. That could mean that your child, or somebody else's child has less racism to put up with as an adult in the future.

But as I said, you are not obliged to worry about anything other than what you think is the best thing to do for your son.

royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 00:41:06

I have given him the option of me going down to the school, or he can deal with it himself, he has opted for himself,. I think that the school option will only make things worse as they are very hand holdy...(?).... I have blocked a certain person from his Facebook page... but by gods it is taking all of my strength not to send them a nasty e-mail. Do there parents not monitor their Facebook????? Obviously not as there is some really vile porn on there also.

royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 00:45:06

I should also mention that I have ben in a class where children have taken the 'racism' issue for their own unjustified reasons and I do not want to see any teacher go through that. they have a hard enough job as it is already.

BadStepMother Fri 10-Jun-11 00:45:52

I think you really need to tell the school. This kind of thing can and does escalate and why should those liitle shits get away with this? How can your son deal with it? By ignoring? Why ignore abuse? So they can abuse someone less able to cope? What next? A brick in a pram? Please tell the school.

BadStepMother Fri 10-Jun-11 00:47:19

But this is not an unjustified reason so why bring that into it? It's like saying..."I can't tell about my sexual asault because a girl once lied that she had been attacked"

You must speak to the school

royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 00:53:51

As I mentioned in my poorly spelled segment. My son has quite effectively (spelling) dealt with this himself. The school in question is pathetic with regards to discipline.. and again my son will have to deal with this for most of his life.

I am not one of those parents who think that their child won't be exposed to racism, the sad fact is that it will happen, only how you respond to it will define who you are.

MillyR Fri 10-Jun-11 00:53:59

I don't think the OP has to speak to the school. She isn't obliged to do anything just because her son has been put into this position.

But I do think you should keep a record of everything, with dates, in case anything else happens and she wants to speak to the school in the future.

I also think that if it is reported, the parent should be able to tell the school whether or not her child wants the teachers involved with him. It is the bullies that should be dealt with by the school; that shouldn't mean the child on the receiving end should be dragged into the school's response.

worraliberty Fri 10-Jun-11 00:56:23

My eldest son had a similar thing OP.

It started outside of school..in the street and in the local park. Then it spread to Facebook...always racist taunts and name calling about being 'white scum' and a 'white pussy'.

Luckily we are very close and he trusted me to let him handle the taunts and threats himself for as much as he could.

But when it went too far (he was mugged outside our local shops for his mobile phone) the school stepped in and were brilliant. They called us in and showed us photos of pupils who were in the upper school and some who had left...so he could pick out their faces and the school handed the names to the Police.

So even though it may be happening outside of school, that doesn't necessarily mean the school wont help.

This happened 3 years ago...my son is 19 now and at least 4 of those boys in the gang are in prison. One of them is doing time for raping a 13yr old sad

royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 00:57:57

Oh believe me. Against what my son thinks, I have actually kept a record of his abuse.

worraliberty Fri 10-Jun-11 01:02:33

Oh yes definitely keep a record. He doesn't have to know about it, but I'm sure if it escalates, he'll be glad.

BadStepMother Fri 10-Jun-11 01:04:52

I think that the school has a reponsibiity and that we as parents are partly responsible for helping them to fulfill it.

If they dont know about it how can we judge their effectiveness?

worraliberty Fri 10-Jun-11 01:06:30

A lot of schools take the attitude that if it doesn't happen on their premisies or it doesn't happen while they're in uniform, they don't want to know.

But fortunately my son's school wasn't like that.

royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 01:11:37

They know but have a softly softleeeeeeeeeeeey approach to education. Cant believe it as when I was there before the SUPER SCHOOL did have the board rubber thrown at my head! 1997

royaljelly Fri 10-Jun-11 01:25:44

Anyway.... just wanted to say thank God I managed to bring him up to believe in himself and realise that the colour of his skin means nothing to his true friends

LDNmummy Fri 10-Jun-11 01:30:33

Royal just wanted to mark a spot on this thread as I am too tired now but will post tomorrow and hope you are still around then.

kiwimumof2boys Fri 10-Jun-11 05:38:56

It makes me so mad that people have to put up with this racist s**t in this day and age !
Good on your son for posting what he did, he sounds very mature. Sounds like you've done the right thing, but like the others I agree you should keep a copy and show school, unfortunately they prob won't do much, but threats of violence are not to be taken lightly.
Good luck

wrongdecade Fri 10-Jun-11 05:55:42

Sorry to hear what your mother had to put up with awful sad

your son sounds like hes very confident within himself which must be reassuring for you amid everything else.

IDontThinkSoDoYOU Fri 10-Jun-11 07:29:18

Hi OP. My son is mixed race. He has had to put up with a fair amount of racist name calling at school. I wanted school to deal with it as did he so that's how that went.

If I had all that crap on his Facebook, I'd be going to the Police.

It's crap isn't it? xx

IloveJudgeJudy Fri 10-Jun-11 07:50:09

Not racial abuse at my DC's school, but when some pupils were being exceptionally nasty to another on Facebook, his parents complained. The school took it very seriously and the pupils were suspended. My friend had a similar situation and again the school took it very seriously. You might reconsider your decision not to go to the school/police if it happens again. I am very sorry that this sort of thing still goes on.

Punkatheart Fri 10-Jun-11 08:03:21

Yes - I have an Indian mother and I had the idiots at school too. 'Paki' was usually their unimaginative and geographically challenged default position. Your son sounds rightfully proud of his heritage and you sound like a wonderful supportive mother.

Some schools will disown Facebook and reject any involvement. However, if they have threatened to beat him up at school - then that it very serious.

I do think that it makes you stronger - I certainly grew up fiercely proud of my heritage. I am friends with the children's TV presenter Johny Pitts - he grew up in a rough part of Sheffield and had all the usual namecalling. He wrote about it in an anthology of mixed race life stories called The Map of Me. He is now a very beautiful and strong man, with many talents and very very proud of his roots.

Yoru son will have the last laugh. With you as his mother, he will grow up successful and strong.

BadStepMother Fri 10-Jun-11 10:54:26

That's lovely to hear Punkatheart...it's so mportant for people to recognise that kids can really bnefit from a strong role model of the same race as them...Shobna Gulati is a wonderful role model for Asian girls in particular and does a lot of activites (very quietly with no need for publicity) with girls in inner city Manchester...she works hard and was recently the victim of racism on Twitter...makes me sick...she felt she had to leave Twitter because of this.

this is why in my opinion the racism needs stamping on by authorties and early on...or nothing will change.

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