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Should I be honest???

(22 Posts)
deliasmith Thu 09-Jun-11 22:45:02

Ok I have had enough of never saying how I feel. I just do not reply when someone says something uncomfortable, (for me). Also I am sick of people posting messages on FB about how terrible their lives are and how ill they are. I just want to post something really horrid back but I know being horrid isn't right I just can't stop these bad thoughts and feelings! How do some people get away with saying things that are sooo wrong, impolite, or just down right rude???

MissVerinder Thu 09-Jun-11 22:48:38

Do it with diplomacy.

Thingumy Thu 09-Jun-11 22:51:52

Maybe remove them from your friends list or stop using farcebook so much?

It made my life calmer when I obliterated my fb account.

In real life I find a simple 'I don't agree with your opinion' helps.

deliasmith Thu 09-Jun-11 22:52:06

thank you- that is such a good and kind answer- see told you I had a mean streak!!! Not very good at diplomacy, not when it is personal.

AgentZigzag Thu 09-Jun-11 22:53:26

I would carry on ignoring them, or hide them from your newsfeed (if on fb).

I used to think you should speak your mind whatever the consequences, but I've come to the conclusion that my MIL is right when she sweeps everything under the carpet.

Less hassle for you and less for them.

I'm all for a quiet life nowadays grin

usualsuspect Thu 09-Jun-11 22:53:41

hide their updates

AgentZigzag Thu 09-Jun-11 22:54:02

Unless what they're saying is causing you lots of problems, then it's time to say something.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 09-Jun-11 22:54:45

Get FB out of your life. It is causing you more anger/misery than joy and it is not necessary. Leave it, you'll feel freer and happier.

deliasmith Thu 09-Jun-11 22:55:40

Agent zigzag- I do agree with you but I do think that some people act in a certain way because no one ever tells them that their words/ actions are hurtful. I need to grow up and either deal with it or shut up!!!

DogsBestFriend Thu 09-Jun-11 22:56:37

Something that I've heard others say on here is the response, "Wow, that was rude! Did you really MEAN to come across like that?".

WRT FB I have "culled" quite a few friends too, I got fed up with sniping and in-fighting and rather than tell them all to feck off I just blocked them. I feel much calmer for it and recommend the action.

deliasmith Thu 09-Jun-11 23:02:29

DogsBestFriend- that is fantastic! Diplomatic and not rude!!! more gems please I can make a list and then learn them!!!!

Re: FB I have blocked this person as I couldn't take the depressive posts anymore.

AgentZigzag Thu 09-Jun-11 23:08:08

I know what you mean delia, but instead of saying something (which they know will kick up a storm of shit) people usually just drift away from twats characters like this.

There's no point in challenging them, it won't change them or make other twats who like them suddenly see what they're like.

It's so tempting to let rip, but unproductive.

deliasmith Thu 09-Jun-11 23:17:05

oh Agentzigzag you are also so very right. You sure you aren't my DH in disguise???? He says the same thing!
BTW how do you cross out words like that????

AgentZigzag Thu 09-Jun-11 23:19:27

hehe grin

To cross out put -- word -- but without the spaces either side of the word fuckwit grin

jeckadeck Fri 10-Jun-11 07:26:14

It depends what you're talking about: if you feel compelled to say "nice" things all the time even when not deserved and not true and its driving you bonkers then you perhaps need to learn to be more direct without being rude. I have family members who were brought up never to be honest about their feelings and its incredibly unhealthy because you eventually lose track of your own feelings. On the other hand there is value in diplomacy and tact in knowing when not to needlessly hurt people's feelings.
Don't mean to sound trite, but do you know the difference? Because if you don't then maybe you should focus on learning it. I found it very liberating learning how to be direct and honest without being rude.

Orbinator Fri 10-Jun-11 08:03:09

Good point Jeckdeck, I sometimes see these posts and feel sorry for the person posting - some people don't have anyone close and FB can count as their family, in a very odd way. If something upsets you and they have publicly outed their opinion, then you should feel entitled to let them know if you find it offensive. If it is a repeated pattern of behaviour then you are silly for not blocking them earlier if they were so offensive IMO.

LRDTheFeministDragon Fri 10-Jun-11 08:51:00

I agree with everyone saying step away from facebook - but if you're not going to, bear in mind some people really don't know how annoying/rude they are in that medium.

You mentioned people going on about how ill they are/how bad their lives are - that's not imo being 'horrible' in the same way rude comments are, it's just unpleasant for you to read and self-indulgent of them to write. I do know how you feel - someone I know has just started giving the lowdown on how badly she's slept Every. Bloody. Night on facebook, with lengthy analysis of how exhausted she is and how terrible it all is - I is really annoying but it's poor manners/self indulgence rather than maliciousness. So is it this sort of thing or is it actual rudeness too?

With the constant complaining, you can always comment something really serious like ' am very worried, you've posted 13 times in five days about the way you're feeling and it's not normal - can I check if you're seeing the GP/getting some help?'

microserf Fri 10-Jun-11 09:27:49

Get rid of FB, nothing good happens there.

I've started being more honest grin in general life though.

deliasmith Sat 11-Jun-11 20:24:14

jeckadeck- you are so right. I do know the difference between rudeness and diplomacy but it's the rudeness that wants to surface first! I do need to learn to be more honest and diplomatic.
My problems are more to do with family members than FB.
Agentzigzag- thank you for crossing out!
thank you all for your comments and advice!

valiumredhead Sat 11-Jun-11 20:27:37

Get rid of FB account for starters!

Bandwitch Sat 11-Jun-11 20:28:59

A nice way of registering your disagreement with somebody in real life in a diplomatic way is "I can see some truth in that..." or I agree with you up to a point.

Bandwitch Sat 11-Jun-11 20:29:38

Those things were said to me grin and i only realised about 72 hours later, hey, that dude like totally disagreed with me.... confused

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