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To feel guilty that I'm going to send my daughter to a child minder one day a week?

10 replies

mummyloveslucy · 09/06/2011 20:59

Hi, my daughter is 6 years old and is now home educated after bad experiences at school. She has moderate special needs and has the mental age of 3-4.
I decided to give her to a CM one day a week just so that I can have a break. I've chosen a day that my DH is also off work. She'll still get 2 days a week when all 3 of us are off together. I work 3 nights a week, so I sleep for 3 mornings a week. Either her grandma or dad will have her while I sleep, then I'll have her from about 2pm.
I don't know why I feel so guilty, I suppose it's because she's just started to become quite close to me. She was so stressed when at school that our home life and our relationship really suffered. She now says she'll miss me when she goes to her groups, which is compleatly new.
I also worry about leaving her with someone I don't know that well. She's a friend of DH's family and has been a nursary nurse. She also has a little boy of two. I've seen her to talk to a few times and she seems nice.
I'm actually shocked by the way I feel! We're going to see her tomorrow at her house with our daughter. Hopefully it'll be fine and she'll really like her.
I still feel guily though for getting rid of her for a day.
Maybe I need someone to give me a vertual slap!

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WhipMeIndiana · 09/06/2011 21:02

relax! will do you both good if you have picked a good CM.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/06/2011 21:02

Apprehensive would be a better sentiment. Guilt is for the birds. Just because you're a mother doesn't mean you don't need time to yourself occasionally.

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WhipMeIndiana · 09/06/2011 21:02

happy mummy = happy daughter

tbh you'll feel guilty whatever you do.... part of being a mummy

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WhipMeIndiana · 09/06/2011 21:03

'guilt is for the birds' I am adopting this as my new mantra as I always feel fecking guilty

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chibi · 09/06/2011 21:03

I understand how you feel, this is normal, but this could be good for her, a chance to mix with other children in a low key, low stress/stim environment

She will still have most of the week with you and your dp which will help i think

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Cattleprod · 09/06/2011 21:04

There's no need to feel guilty - remember the childminder will only be a 'stranger' for a couple of sessions, then your DD will probably really enjoy going there and see it as an exciting day out!

And you need time for yourself too. It's a cliche but happy mummy = happy Lucy!

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troisgarcons · 09/06/2011 21:04

it will be a\ good experience for her.

Tho' at 6, HE after bad experiences at school? that's shocking, could you not change her to a different school, one with a more specialised SEN provision?

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mummyloveslucy · 09/06/2011 21:08

I think she is actually looking forward to it. I showed her a picture of the CM on facebook and her baby son. She loves little ones and was asking when she's going to meet them. I don't think she knows yet that we'll be leaving her there. She probubly won't understand why either.

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BertieBotts · 09/06/2011 21:13

Could you not stay with her the first few times until she gets used to it? Or would that be more confusing?

I use a childminder for DS who is 2, and I was really worried at first, but he's settled in really well, and he absolutely loves it. I couldn't be happier.

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mummyloveslucy · 09/06/2011 21:14

She just finds school and being with other children extreamly stressful. She even hides away at partys. She likes adults or one child at a time. She's also being acessed for Aspurgers.
Home ed has been great for her. She socialises with other children of all ages, but she can do it at her own pace. She is also much calmer and happier.