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To not want to bathe surrounded by the odour of shit?

(54 Posts)
MalkieFraser Thu 09-Jun-11 20:39:43

I'm 39 weeks pregnant, have had a rather crap day and was looking forward to my long steamy bath after wrestling the toddler to bed. "Enjoy your bath" were my husbands parting words as I swanned off with my book for my evening wallow. His next words, fifteen minutes later were "I'm touching cloth." Now I'd suggested he go to the toilet before I had my bath, in the same knowing way I suggest it to my three year old before we leave the house, and he assured me he was fine. "you can pull the shower curtain closed" he said helpfully as I pulled out the plug. "don't go in a huff, you can get back in when I'm finished." Yeah right!!! Even my half bottle of clary fucking sage isn't enough to mask that reek. So now I'm allegedly petty and spiting myself, but seriously - the relaxing smell is broken. Am I expected to go back in, top up with hot water and try to ignore the fug of my husbands shite???

MalkieFraser Thu 09-Jun-11 20:40:48

Relaxing spell that is....

thisisyesterday Thu 09-Jun-11 20:42:15

ewwww
yadnbu!!!

you need a downstairs loo!

coccyx Thu 09-Jun-11 20:44:11

???I'm touching cloth".
Yuck

IreneHeron Thu 09-Jun-11 20:44:26

I feel your pain, this was a regular occurrence when we only had on loo. Thankfully we've moved house and now have 3. DH always used to do this to me, it was the plopping sound that got to me, as I rapidly tried to rinse my hair and get out of the room. Doesn't make you feel clean does it.

Pumpernickel10 Thu 09-Jun-11 20:46:42

malkie so sorry but I did laugh you said what I would say word for word. Sorry but had tears in my eyes.
Thanks for making me laugh but so sorry for the stench.

LeChatRouge Thu 09-Jun-11 20:46:53

'I'm touching cloth'!

My DSs say 'I've got a turtle head.'

I would insist he tries before you get in and then I'd lock the door.

atswimtwolengths Thu 09-Jun-11 20:47:02

What does touching cloth mean, ffs?

LeChatRouge Thu 09-Jun-11 20:48:58

atswimtwolengths when the poo is peeping out and touching the cloth of the underwear.

Littlepurpleprincess Thu 09-Jun-11 20:50:00

Are you saying that your Husband would come into the bathroom and do a poo while you are still in the bath? shock or am I getting this completley wrong?

HeadfirstForHalos Thu 09-Jun-11 20:50:04

Next time you have a bath lock the door, and when he is at the door "touching cloth" pleading to be let in, submerge your ears underwater and ignore!

BertieBotts Thu 09-Jun-11 20:51:17

That's disgusting! He should have waited until you had finished. Or gone before you started and left the window open for half an hour!

Every house I've ever lived in with one bathroom we've had this rule. For everyone. Baths don't take that long! It's utterly selfish to insist on pooing when someone is in one, IMO. A quick wee is ok though.

MalkieFraser Thu 09-Jun-11 20:51:30

He came out claiming that it didn't smell hmm

Pumpernickel10 Thu 09-Jun-11 20:54:09

Men have no sense of smell, my DH as nearly taken the chrome off the frigging taps with his stench

MalkieFraser Thu 09-Jun-11 20:54:37

To clarify - he didn't do it while I was in there, just took the hump that I wouldn't be going back in. Like I'm going to hang around graciously in a towel by the door waiting.

vintageteacups Thu 09-Jun-11 20:57:14

ewwww - never heard that phrase before and it's yuck!

Naughty DH - I'd make him clean the loo with lots of bleach and then run you a fresh bath that's not flavoured with 'l'odeur de poo' and then climb back in but tbh, after that 'touching cloth' phrase, I think it's spoilt the moment.

Littlepurpleprincess Thu 09-Jun-11 20:57:31

Oh well that's not as bad, I thought you meant he would go and do his business while you were still in the room!

Now, I've only been married for 11 days so I'm no expert but that seems to intimate for even a married couple.......

lololizzy Thu 09-Jun-11 20:57:57

my fiance does this all the time as he cant hold on. Drives me nuts as we live in a teeny tiny cramped flat and the bath is the ONLY place i can have peace and relax...
I never do it to him yet he really believes he can't 'hold on' grrrrr

lifechanger Thu 09-Jun-11 21:00:25

We both had difficult days, but I have managed to raise a giggle from him and me by reading your well-crafted and very funny post out loud. So thank you, and commiserations for your lost wallow.

MalkieFraser Thu 09-Jun-11 21:03:38

No probs lifechanger, I'm slowly coming to terms with it smile

GeekLove Thu 09-Jun-11 21:11:56

I know he doesn't do it deliberately but the three times I have attempted to bathe on my own recently DH has had to come in for a dump. I will make a point of checking on his pop status beforehand grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Thu 09-Jun-11 21:17:12

Do you have a 'services' nearby? I'd send him there next time... or offer him a tube of superglue to keep his cheeks firmly closed. Men... hmmgrin

eurochick Thu 09-Jun-11 21:21:27

YANBU. FFS could he really not have held it for a while? That kind of urgency is normal in a toddler but not in a grown man. Next time, tell him you're putting him in training, making him hold it for an extra 5 mins each time. I bet if he was driving down the motorway he'd manage to hold it in until he got to the next services rather than shitting in the car!

BadStepMother Thu 09-Jun-11 21:24:52

WHat was he meant to DO? I can't wait for a poo ffs! I need to poo I need to poo! It comes on sudden and it's not waiting for anyone to finish their bath!

Get him a potty?

IWillOnlyEatBeans Thu 09-Jun-11 21:28:22

Have got tears rolling down my cheeks reading this smile

My hubby and I have been together 7 years and have never once used the toilet in front of each other. We went on safari for our honeymoon and stayed in some permanent tented camps, which had dry toilets in the main body of the tent. Whenever one of us needed the loo (poo or wee) the other was sent to sit outside and they had to sing/whistle the whole time so they couldn't hear anything! The other people on the safari with us thought we were mad smile

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