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To be upset with DH about the treatment of DD?

(205 Posts)
Fionann Thu 09-Jun-11 10:43:35

It's DS's 3rd birthday so DH promised DD (5) the day off school, not something I would have done but I didn't feel I could say no after he's said yes as they were both so exited.

We got DD a few presents to open as well and for teh first hour everything was fine but then DH started to get in a really bad mood and kept telling DD of for taking the toys DS wanted to play with and generally not playing nicely & being grumpy.

Dh then told her off for the fourth time and said he was taking her into school, she cried and screamed and he made her go and put her uniform on, she then came downstairs and was crying and grabbing my legs and promising she would be good, it was really awful but he took her off to school....DD doesn't handle exitement well and can be bossy to DS but I think DH was overeacted.

AIBU?

GypsyMoth Thu 09-Jun-11 10:47:32

You both are!!

FFs!! Giving her a day off school and presents for her brothers birthday???

LaurieFairyCake Thu 09-Jun-11 10:47:48

I can't get over that he said she could have the day off school in the first place.

And then to take it away shock - I too think it's an overreaction

LaurieFairyCake Thu 09-Jun-11 10:48:21

He's made out that school is a punishment - that's really crappy and that is going to be hard for her to get over.

BooyHoo Thu 09-Jun-11 10:49:22

he was UR for letting her have the day off. but even more so for taking her in when he had lost patience with her!!

diddl Thu 09-Jun-11 10:50:50

I am disgusted that taking her to school was shown as a punishment tbh.

But am equally shock at her being given the day off and presents for her brother´s bday.

JanMorrow Thu 09-Jun-11 10:51:35

You shouldn't be giving her presents on her brother's birthday, it's good for them to realise it's not always about them! Don't spoil her!

She should NEVER have had the day off school for this either.. but then using it as a punishment.. totally unreasonable.. so BOTH of you are being unreasonable I'd say!

HushedTones Thu 09-Jun-11 10:51:39

School isn't supposed to be a punishment that you get dragged to if you can't behave at home
And school is not a terrible place that you get excused from in honour of your brother's birthday. You and DH are giving her a very screwed up message there which isn't great considering she is right at the start of her school life.

Nor should she be getting presents (especially several of them) on her brother's birthday

YABU - both you and DH for giving the poor kid mixed messages and then wondering why she kicks off.

Fionann Thu 09-Jun-11 10:51:51

I don't think he should have ever promised her the day off, I was quite shock by this too, I pointed this out to him and he said I had every opportunity to say actually no she needs to go into school which in hindsight I should have done.

Hullygully Thu 09-Jun-11 10:52:29

You are both insane. Try to have a lovely calm chat later and draw up strategies for these sorts of situations or you will all becoem very unhappy.

redwineformethanks Thu 09-Jun-11 10:52:41

Poor little thing. I hate the image of her screaming and begging to be allowed to stay at home.

He shouldn't have given her the day off but since he did he was then very wrong to then drag her off to school as a punishment.

I could understand him saying she could have the day off if you had planned a family outing for the day, but what does he expect two excited children to be like at home when they are getting presents etc?

He was mean to her.

ShirleyKnot Thu 09-Jun-11 10:53:08

shock

itisnearlysummer Thu 09-Jun-11 10:54:52

Wow the teachers will be thanking you both. [sarcastic]

And in a couple of years time you'll be lamenting your DCs behaviour and scratching your heads and wondering how/when it all went wrong.

Crazy decision!

MarioandLuigi Thu 09-Jun-11 10:55:00

shock

What a Knob!

GeekCool Thu 09-Jun-11 10:55:32

redwine - I'm struggling with that as well. She is only 5 years old. What a massive over reaction and honestly OP you should have stepped in. The punishment did not fit the so called crime, there wasn't really any, she's 5.
In fact, I think you both set her up for this and when she behaved that way she is dragged screaming and crying to school.

I'm actually quite horrified.

Fionann Thu 09-Jun-11 10:55:45

We were planning to go out on a trip this afternoon

wannaBe Thu 09-Jun-11 10:56:08

you're both unreasonable. stop treating her like a princess.

fuzzpigFriday Thu 09-Jun-11 10:56:20

Your DH was ridiculous on both counts. But getting your DD presents is really silly IMO. Maybe your DD was struggling with the idea that the day was about DS because she was getting mixed messages. And unless it was purely down to DH that she got presents, that's partly your fault too.

GeekCool Thu 09-Jun-11 10:56:31

Are you still planning to go?

saffy85 Thu 09-Jun-11 10:56:33

YABothBU she should never have got the day off school whether it's her birthday or her brother's and she shouldn't have been dragged their as punishment either. WTF?! Think your husband is a prized twat tbh. And talk about putting a dampner on your DS's birthday. It's his special day and has now been made all about his sister, which is not her fault.

Reality Thu 09-Jun-11 10:56:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyKnot Thu 09-Jun-11 10:58:02

Don't hold back there Reality, tell us what you really think! grin

AlistairSim Thu 09-Jun-11 10:58:38

Poor kid.

Allinabinbag Thu 09-Jun-11 10:59:11

I actually think this is horrible, and that your daughter will remember it, the day she was dragged into school by daddy. I really really think you need to get a handle on this, he needs to get a hold of his temper (how naughty had she really been that she deserved that?) and you need to stop his ridiculousness. If she had the day off (which she shouldn't), then she should have had the day off. It's quite upsetting to read about this, everyone loses their temper from time to time, but I can't actually see what she was doing wrong except being a bit overexcited.

As for taking her back into school late, god only knows what the teachers think now.

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