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To ask what they want? (petty, I suspect)

(102 Posts)
Irksome Thu 09-Jun-11 09:52:12

have a feeling I have been, now.

So, Thursdays are the only day of the week when we can all eat together at the same time, what with other stuff that goes on on other days. I asked them (dp and dds) if there was anything they fancied, and got at first flippant replies ('whatever makes you happy', which is a kind of running joke at ours) and then 'chili', which was last time vetoed by dd2 on the grounds that 'we always end up having chili on Thursdays'. However when I point this out, everyone says 'no, it's fine' in a not-massively-enthusiastic way. So I said, well actually it is a point, we do quite often have chili on Thursday, I'll have a think during the day of something else, don't worry about it.

Then when dp said goodbye to the girls he said to me in response to my attempts to not sound moody, 'well, I know you're cross with me but I will say goodbye to you' and off he goes - basically this means 'don't try to smooth that over and pretend we're not annoyed with one another, this mood is not over yet'. And I suddenly find myself properly furious.

I think it's because
1) I would have really liked it if my mum had ever asked what I fancied for tea, not regarded it as a big pain in the arse to have to think about it, as all my family do. They seem to think (especially dp) that I'm shifting responsibility onto them for what we have, and maybe I am. I dunno.
2) I think, really, what I wanted was some sort of affirmation that anyone might especially like anything I ever make, and have some kind of a yen to eat it
3) just mindlessly saying 'lets have the thing we have most weeks' isn't really showing any enthusiasm, is it?
4) I really really hate it when I make something and no-one really likes it, or it turns out one person never really liked it, or I've put something 'wrong' in it.
5) I'm being all self-pitying and hard-done-by and unreasonably upset/annoyed.

So do I make chili and pretend there wasn't this narkiness, or what, hmm?

MumblingRagDoll Thu 09-Jun-11 09:56:05

I think if thats all you have to worry about then you're very lucky. Cook what suits you.

Irksome Thu 09-Jun-11 09:56:46

It isn't all I have to worry about, it's what's on my mind this morning, that's all.

Groovee Thu 09-Jun-11 09:57:53

Do something which you fancy for a change. We're having thin steak baguettes tonight

DoMeDon Thu 09-Jun-11 10:02:16

Don't make the chilli - don't cook at all. Explain how you feel. Be 'adult' about it - say 'I am happy to cook something everyone likes but cooking in itself does not make me happy - I am a person not just your wife/mother'. Sounds like you are desperate for some appreciation - make that clear- you deserve to be valued.

Irksome Thu 09-Jun-11 10:05:37

Thank you... it's not even that I don't like chili, just the lacklustre way in which it was opted for as requiring the least thought, if you see what I mean.

And yes, I know it's petty and daft, but of such trivia are most domestic arguments made, I find!

chicletteeth Thu 09-Jun-11 10:05:55

I don't get your last paragraph before you start listing points! Who gets annoyed about dinner?! And then who gets annoyed about somebody getting annoyed about dinner?

Just cook what you have in/what you fancy.
If they moan, point out that you asked and they weren't that bothered.

Right, that's sorted now - chin up and get on with the rest of your day

StayingDavidTennantsGirl Thu 09-Jun-11 10:09:29

We sometimes do chilli with salsa, sour cream, guacamole and tortilla chips that have had cheese melted over them in the oven. Everyone loves this in our family, and it might be sufficiently different to appease the dd who said 'but we always have chilli'.

Alternatively serve it in taco shells with grated cheese and salad - and everyone can make their own (messy but fun).

HellAtWork Thu 09-Jun-11 10:10:55

I can see why you're narked. Some options:

1) Thursday is the new eating out on vouchers day. Try moneysaving expert .com for places offering 2 for 1 vouchers etc.
2) make a list of things everyone likes ( or ask them to) - not meals just ingredients e.g. Chicken, spinach, butternut squash see where the overlap is and have a google for recipes that could combine them
3) declare Thursday surprise dinner day and try a new recipe you like every week

Perhaps a breezy approach to benign dictatorship?

DoMeDon Thu 09-Jun-11 10:11:02

FWIW I think it's a real effort to think of things for dinner - I occassionally get inspired by TV/mags/special offers in sainsbo's- but for the most part I hear myself chuntering 'What do you want for dinner?', mainly as I'd rather have a sandwich.

squeakytoy Thu 09-Jun-11 10:11:31

make shepherds pie smile

HellAtWork Thu 09-Jun-11 10:12:28

Having said that am now salivating over mrs tennant's suggestion ... Any room for 1 more?

chicletteeth Thu 09-Jun-11 10:13:12

How about home-made burgers (since we're going with the mince theme here).

They are very nice with some chopped onion, herbs and breadcrumbs, all mixed together with egg and then grilled. Served in lovely buns with salad and wedges

HellAtWork Thu 09-Jun-11 10:13:33

Does your DH cook? Can you alternate for Thursdays?

MissVerinder Thu 09-Jun-11 10:15:58

Pot Noodle.

Seriously, then maybe they might appreciate the effort you go to. Cooking every day takes the joy out of it for me, and then it gets taken for granted.

Time to cash in the reality check!

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou Thu 09-Jun-11 10:16:15

I'm being all self-pitying and hard-done-by and unreasonably upset/annoyed.


dont get the point of the OP to be honest. Either cook or dont.
Throw a few jacket potatoes in the oven and be done with it

superjobeespecs Thu 09-Jun-11 10:17:52

im in this same sort of rut myself actually!! i find myself making the same meals week in week out and whilst myself and DD dont mind i feel OH does he's always moaning that all we ever buy is chicken and mince which tbh is true anything involving those two i will cook lol what we found helped a wee bit was once a week he cooks and its usually something totally new and pretty good. last week it was some baked egg thing with bacon cheese mushrooms and chillis like a big quiche but without the pastry grin he's been told that he now has to cook it at least once a month from now on smile when the family moan leave it to them to cook thats what i say

CoffeeIsMyFriend Thu 09-Jun-11 10:18:39

My DD wont eat (hot) chilli but will eat it with taco shells, salad, sour cream, cheese, etc etc -

I absolutely refuse to cook 3 different meals each evening so try to find a common ground that everyone likes. So when I make chilli, I take some out for DD before adding extra chilli and spices for us.

What do you have in? Maybe you could make spicy meatballs with a tomato sauce, with spaghetti for a change.

Irksome Thu 09-Jun-11 10:19:32

Thanks for suggestions, and for understanding the narkiness! (just realised I forgot to take the mince out of the freezer anyway, so I'll have to go to the supermarket now!)

I don't even mind the cooking, I quite like it really - it's the passive, 'oh why is she bloody asking us again', attitude that irritates me. Then, of course, dp thinks that I am making myself out to be some kind of martyr.... oh surely we aren't the only couple who end up with a whole load of bad feeling and passive-agression over something so silly?

I just bloody hate it when a child looks miserably/truculently at her plate and says 'I'm sorry but I just don't really like risotto' or when dp says 'I have to say, I really don't like potato wedges' or whatever. And that's another thing gone off the repertoire.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Thu 09-Jun-11 10:19:50

Basically you're fed up with thinking of what have and then people moaning. Don't blame you.

Op what would you like for tea?

Irksome Thu 09-Jun-11 10:21:49

Op what would you like for tea?

Honestly....? A bottle of wine and a million fags, all by by bloody self! grin.

Irksome Thu 09-Jun-11 10:22:44

my bloody self, obv!

Graciescotland Thu 09-Jun-11 10:26:26

I don't ask anymore as it is always answered with what's in the fridge and needs to be used? Cook what makes you happy, you are not a restaurant.

WriterofDreams Thu 09-Jun-11 10:28:06

I'd say think of something you'd like, make it, then sit down and say "first person to moan is making dinner next Thursday"

Ormirian Thu 09-Jun-11 10:29:50


Don't fucking cook ANYTHING.


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