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this was meant to be the best news in the world, why am i so sad?

(35 Posts)
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 09:38:48

ok, i know i am being unreasonable but i need to vent and maybe have someone tell me ill be fine.

for those few who know me on here ive had a pretty chaotic and devastating 18mnths, death of two close relatives, two mcs, job problems for me, redundancy for dp, no less than 3 car accidents/break downs resulting in write offs. and the major one was moving 100miles from 'home' for the house to be sold out from under us 10mnths later, oh and a nervous breakdown...

Anyway we have been in a bnb since feb, yesterday we got the call, we have a house.
Only problem is theyre sticking us out in another town 30mins from 'home' and 40mins from ds school, Only to move us back into home town in january. I know i should be thrilled we finally have a home but im just feel so very sad, we found routine and settled ds in a lovely school, both of us have jobs and juggle things well having close family support, the council were VERY aware of this and had told us the house they had lined up originally would be passed to someone else as it was 40mins away, and we may have to wait a bit longer than usual to stay in our home town, fine we said, we have alot of debts and need to stay in our jobs which we cannot do living away from family. Now this move means i have no choice but to leave my job, possibly move ds and face being very lonely and isolated again, only dp drives and no close family or friends drive, buses are 2hourly and no trains, i just feel like weve been through so much and we finally get some good news and the reality is not so.

go on, flame me, i should be bloody grateful shouldnt i

GypsyMoth Thu 09-Jun-11 09:44:18

Well yes, you should really

I was in a homeless hostel for a year with 4dc and had to take a house in a new area, no family or friends local at all. You have to make the best of it

Council can't look at individual preferences like yours

BoiledFrog Thu 09-Jun-11 09:45:13

Can you turn it down? I'm guessing not, that's so crappy of them, maybe you could do a swap, if you absolutely have to take it.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 09:49:24

we have to take it, i dont want to turn it down that would just be so wrong, its just so worrying, weve worked hard the past four months to put some stability in place for ourselves ready for a new home, ie, both earning, and childcare thats free, we arent paid anywhere near enough to pay and we both need to work to clear debts and secure our life again!

PureNewWoolWithPerfectStitches Thu 09-Jun-11 09:49:53

No flaming here.
We may need to move in a few years for another reason and the thought absolutely terrifies me and I haven't had any of the awful things to cope with that you have.
Can you try to speak to someone again explaining that you will definitely lose/have to give up your job if you move? No-one can underestimate the importance of losing a job in this economic climate. It's worth a go even if the chance of it having an effect are tiny.

You should be grateful really, although I can understand you being disappointed.

BoiledFrog - it is not 'so crappy of them'. The OP needs a home and the council are providing one.

Situations like this are why council houses should not be given for life. With more flexibility in the system councils would be better able to help families like the OP's.

Jj - I really hope it works out for you and that you get back on your feet. That is some run of bad luck you have had.

IHateMarlo Thu 09-Jun-11 09:51:22

I can see both sides, the thought of moving away from family support and your job must be crappy, and it does seem a bit odd to move you if they intend to move you again in Jan???
Do you have some sort of a contact person you can sit and explain all this to?

BulletWithAName Thu 09-Jun-11 09:52:16

I can understand why you would be sad and apprehensive about moving away from where you call home, but I think you should be greatful because you're finally out of the B&B and you'll have your own home.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 09:58:18

thank you for the sensible replies, im feeling like such a wet blanket.

The person originally helping us at the council was a nightmare and we ended up in court proving our innocence over leaving the last house. Unfortunatly she is the ONLY personal apparently who can 'advise' now and shes extremely rude and off hand about it all, get another job etc, she doesnt seem to realise loosing my job will put us under alot of financial pressure aswell as this with my current mental state i really NEED support of family and the drone of my routine. I plan to go and have a talk to someone but i really dont want to say no to a home, i just wish things were different, wish it could have just been where our life is. DP is in a huge stress as his jobs on shaky ground (building trade, so every job comes to an end eventually)

diddl Thu 09-Jun-11 09:58:58

TBH 30mins from "home" & 40 from school-for 6 months isn´t that much.

And perhaps wouldn´t be a problem if people could drive.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 10:01:21

there is also the added fact that our bnb isnt like a normal set up, its our family and two lads, weve all been there together a long time and have our own 'family' dynamic sort of, and the cleaner and lady who run it are wonderful kind people and have been a great support, i have alot of company, i guess im scared of leaving that too, im actually kinda happy there.
i need to get a grip!

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 10:02:57

diddl, if i could drive, or atleast my mum im pretty sure i wouldnt feel like this

diddl Thu 09-Jun-11 10:08:55

Yes, it was a bit of a daft commentblush.

But I was thinking that from the council´s POV they´ve done pretty well to get you as close as they have.

Is there no one from work who could help get you there?

RachelHRD Thu 09-Jun-11 10:09:50

I can understand why you are feeling the way you do about this. If driving is th major sticking point is there any way you could learn? It would give you so much more freedom and if you had some lessons and then got your DH to also teach you it wouldn't be so expensive.

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou Thu 09-Jun-11 10:13:14

couldnt the family minding the kids come to you and you pay their expenses or whatever

fedupofnamechanging Thu 09-Jun-11 10:15:23

If I was you I would see someone at citizens advice. You are entitled to have the person at the council handling your case, be polite and competent. Only a complete moron would say 'get another job' as if there were millions of them going begging! I think that councils are a little more careful if people have an organisation like citizens advice giving them help, because they know that they can't just tell you any old shit.

I would have thought (but may be wrong) that if you take this house you might make yourselves less of a priority because as far as the council is concerned you are housed (not their problem that you can't get to work etc). I also think that you are allowed to turn down a very unsuitable house without jeopardising your position on the list. These are things I would ask CAB rather than the council.

I don't think you should have to be eternally grateful for being offered any house. You are working and contributing and are entitled in your hour of need to proper state assistance. The state should do everything it can to help you continue working, because that's in everyone's best interests.

If you are happy where you are and it's working out well for work and school, then I think it's okay to want to stay until a proper solution comes up.

If your mental state would be threatened by this move, perhaps your doctor could intervene with the council as I do believe these things have to be taken into account. You need your health.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 10:18:22

im a home carer, i travel around maybe 10 different houses a day, its a hell of a trek around and weird antisocial times, 30 min-40min gaps here and there so im constantly popping home, my mum watches the lo's, she has my brother and sister who are 2 and 6 so she has preschool and school runs of her own to attend to. Its all very simple really just when i live in the same place!

i guess im just more annoyed because the family who was living with us until may never lived in bury no family, jobs or using local schools, got a house in bury, seems unfair, childish i know.

Chen23 Thu 09-Jun-11 10:18:56

YANBU, you deserve a bit of good luck after your recent run of bad; you can be accepting of it but still be unhappy at the additional upheaval.

Hope things pan out better for you in the future, sounds like you are due a bit of good luck now

GypsyMoth Thu 09-Jun-11 10:19:34

Don't be daft, next house that comes up could be a dive, and then op will have NO choice!

If one comes up at all!!

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 10:21:23

thank you for the helpful post karma, they have said we can turn it down and stay Band A but will no longer be funded at the bnb, and at a whopping £85 a night, way way above our means, its basically take it or we are 'homeless'.

diddl Thu 09-Jun-11 10:42:28

OP-could your husband take you to your mum´s in the morning & collect you in the evening?

EricNorthmansMistress Thu 09-Jun-11 10:46:17

YANBU but am I right in thinking it's only til January? So 7 months to manage until you can put down roots. I do sympathise but you will be ok. I know you have settled in the B&B but a house will be so much better.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 09-Jun-11 10:57:37

diddl, its something we can discuss, however as much as i adore my mum everyday at hers would drive me insane be a bit hard and me and dd need some time at home.
Going to have a LONG talk and a rational look at things i think, means we are moving in january again, ive decided to defer ds start at full time school until then, as moving him from preschool to a new school in sept then again in jan would be too much for him, hes a nervous shy little lad. and hes very happy at his school, already discussed with his school manager and thats in motion.

thank you all, im calming down, slowly.

redwineformethanks Thu 09-Jun-11 10:58:17

Poor you, try to think of it as temporary and remind yourself you won't be there for so long. Just stay united as a family and perhaps don't knock yourself out chasing around trying to make new friends in the new area if you know you won't stay there long enough to really get to know them

fedupofnamechanging Thu 09-Jun-11 11:35:25

Is the new house in a nice place/area?

Fwiw, my parents got their house repossessed back when the interest rates went mad. After a horrible time in emergency accommodation, we were moved to a temp house while waiting for somewhere suitable to come up. My mum liked the temp house so much that she was reluctant to leave in the end! It's a horrible, stressful experience, but you will come out of it the other end and get your life back on track.

If the new house is in an awful place, then I'd still go down the route of seeing the Dr and letting them know this is not good for your health. If it is in a nice place then you sound as if you are getting some strategies in place to make the best of it. Good luck, however it pans out.

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