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to live happily without sex?

(55 Posts)
redwineformethanks Wed 08-Jun-11 21:55:55

In an extremely happy long-term relationship, very amicable, DP is fantastic partner and father in every way, we have excellent communication etc, but it just happens there's not much going on in the bedroom - in fact, nothing for a while now. This used to bother me a little but now I think we're just both out of the habit and don't really miss it. I'm OK with this although I do worry a little when I think that it's not the same for other people.

Should I just enjoy my relationship as it is, or should I be concerned that we're not the same as some other people?

I guess I'm looking for some reassurance here as I'm happy as I am until I start comparing with others.

hiddenhome Wed 08-Jun-11 21:58:42

If you're both happy then I don't see there's a problem. Not everyone is going at it like bunnies all the time.

Hassled Wed 08-Jun-11 21:59:50

As long as you're sure your DP feels exactly as you do.

redwineformethanks Wed 08-Jun-11 22:01:59

Yes he does, we've spoken about it from time to time. He doesn't miss it and thinks it will come back once children are older.

HalfTermHero Wed 08-Jun-11 22:02:17

I guess if you both have low sex drives (and I do not mean that in an offensive way) then all is well if you are both content.

Is there perhaps something else going on though? Maybe you or dh are scared of getting pregnant again? If it is something like this eating away at the back of your mind then you could get to your GP and get sorted with a contraceptive solution for you/dh.

onebigchocolatemess Wed 08-Jun-11 22:06:46

how often is not often, just out of interest?

I am interested to benchmark whether I fall into your category!

redwineformethanks Wed 08-Jun-11 22:11:44

I really wasn't exaggerating when I said "there's not much going on in the bedroom - in fact, nothing for a while now" - probably just once this year and twice last year. When I say that in print it sounds very sad, but most evenings it does feel more cosy than that - rather like those 1970's sitcoms where they are both sitting up reading until they turn off the lights at the same time

I suspect we do both have low sex drives, so no offence taken.

DD is much loved but was unplanned so I have sometimes wondered if there is a connection there......

Rainydaze Wed 08-Jun-11 22:14:49

I could live happily without sex too. I'd like a DP like yours!

dementedma Wed 08-Jun-11 22:24:55

another one here who could live without it. unfortunately DH is not of that opinion....cue unhappy relationship. Apparently I'm the weird one.

Cocoflower Wed 08-Jun-11 22:27:24

Is dp happy though, you have made sure?

redwineformethanks Wed 08-Jun-11 22:30:04

Hi Cocoflower - yes I'm certain he is fine with it, but I understand why you would ask that. We have discussed it from time to time. Of the 2 of us, I seem to be the one who sometimes wonders if this is normal and he seems 100% OK with it

joric Wed 08-Jun-11 22:30:22

Yep, can do without!!! smile

HalfTermHero Wed 08-Jun-11 22:34:48

Redwine, if you have any tiny doubt that fear (of pregnancy) is putting you off sex then please get some advice from your GP. For me, a naked cuddle in bed with dh usually ends up with his stiff cock inside me. I can't help but be turned on by him. I am sorry to be blunt but once you are not worrying about consequences then sex comes very easily if you don't wear pyjamas to bed!

WhoAteMySnickers Wed 08-Jun-11 22:36:43

If you're looking for reassurance, then are you really happy, and sure that your DP is too? IMO if you were fine with it then you wouldn't need reassurance?

Thingumy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:39:38

if yuo are both happy who are we to say you are being unreasonable?

<arf at HTH's vivid helpful advice> wink

Cocoflower Wed 08-Jun-11 22:40:19

Halfterm your post has got me all hot and steamy...


Anyway! If you are both fine with it then I wouldnt waste another moment worrying about it.

Personally it would not suit me but everyone is different and there is no hard & fast rules. Hmm, maybe hard and fast was a poor choice of words... you know what I mean!

HalfTermHero Wed 08-Jun-11 22:47:54

Coco, I have previously been accused of being a cock tease, but this is my first time as a fanjo tease. <<bloody proud and have ordered a lapel badge stating new title>>

Cocoflower Wed 08-Jun-11 22:49:52

No written word has ever turned me on as much. And I read literotica once.

You should be proud.

Fernie3 Wed 08-Jun-11 22:53:15

I don't think I could go without sex for anything like that amount of time without getting seriously grumpy. BUT if you are both happy then I don't see the problem although I do wonder about the reason why. I agree with half term hero pjs need to go and if you did want to get a bit more "in the mood" maybe try googling erotic fiction ( or amazon searching).

A1980 Wed 08-Jun-11 22:55:15

You sound like me halfterm ... I couldn't help but be tunred on either by a naked cuddle and want it to go further.

But then not everyones sex drives are the same.

NorksAreMessy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:58:04

The key thing is that you both feel the same about it. It is IMBALANCE that causes tension, not quantity or style or type of sex, just that one person wants something (or someone) different.

If you are both happy, you are happy, and what does or doesn't happen is nobody else's business...including mine smile

HalfTermHero Wed 08-Jun-11 23:01:25

I am horny all month but around ovulation time I am actually dripping, soaking wet around the clock. Dh knows this and leaks pre cum on his pants all day thinking about it. When we get into bed at night- you don't want to know, lol.

We have 3 dc but DC4 is always on the cards in the wanton and lust driven circs. I wish I was more frigid.

Thingumy Wed 08-Jun-11 23:02:33

hth! shock

ha ha ha

HalfTermHero Wed 08-Jun-11 23:03:55

You might well laugh Thingumy but I am truly helpless to his cock grin

A1980 Wed 08-Jun-11 23:08:16

OMG! I appreciate your openness HTH. I have a similar sex drive but I ended up single a while ago.... don't ask. It's horrendous

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