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to feel soooo sorry for my dh

(51 Posts)
zazzabeans Wed 08-Jun-11 21:55:13

to cut a long story short, dh grandma passed away last week , she had 2 chlidren (fil and his sister whom dont get on together) and 2 grandsons (dh and cousin)...copy of the will got sent out today and dh and fil got zilch whereas the daughter got all insurances/possesions adn £15000 and her son got £10000 !!!!
the will also stated that she didnt feel like she had a relationship with dh and fil and their relationship with her was bad etc shock
fil visited her most nights when not at work, and me and dh took the 3 dcs every weekend sad
dh wasnt expecting anything , all he wanted was a keepsake or something but got nothing sad
i feel relly sorry for him
rant over !!!!

vintageteacups Wed 08-Jun-11 21:59:03

Gosh - that seems very harsh - your poor FIL and DH.

Very, very sad considering you saw her so often.

perhaps the sister and cousin bad mouthed them and tricked your DH's grandma into leaving the things to them only.

zazzabeans Wed 08-Jun-11 22:02:40

the cousin is only 16 years old sad he already has had a few thousand given to him several times over the last few years, as did we....
the sister didnt speak to her mother for 3 year untill last year she craw;ed out the wodwork angry
fil knew nothing about the will untill today sad
his sister took the mother to make it at the end of last year...
i think it is absolutely awful.. dh has decided not to go to the funeral :-s

squeakytoy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:04:51

Harsh, but not much can be done about it.

My husbands grandad did exactly the same to my FIL and completely cut him out for no real reason, and it caused a lot of family upset which still goes on. My husband has no contact at all with any of his aunts or cousins and hasnt done for many years.

All you can do is carry on, and accept that you wont miss what you never had unfortunately.

vintageteacups Wed 08-Jun-11 22:05:47

I think your dh will regret not going.

It really does look as though it's the sister who has made sure of her own family's gifts.

So sorry for you - how would giving your dh £5000 of the £10000 hurt?

Families and wills - very tricky.

HalfTermHero Wed 08-Jun-11 22:07:28

That is really sad. Poor dh. The explicit ref in the will to the fact that she did not get on with dh/fil will be for legal reasons - i.e. to negate the chance of the will being sucessfully contested. Nevertheless it is very upsetting to see that in print. Maybe if you explain that to dh though he will understand that it is 'just' legal shit and not necessarily written by his gran with cruel intentions sad.

Thingumy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:07:54

Why is your dh not going to the funeral? because he got no money?

How fucking awful not to pay your respects just because you haven't got something from a relative.

zazzabeans Wed 08-Jun-11 22:08:49

i told dh he would regret not going and his answer was he wont.... he is very stubborn
he just doesnt want to go to the funeral where his aunt and cousin are sitting so smug!
also the wording of the will regarding him and fil has really upset him sad

tribpot Wed 08-Jun-11 22:09:42

I think he will regret not going to the funeral and should reconsider. It sounds as if the sister has pressured an old woman into making an unfair will, but this is his last chance to pay his respects to his mother, for her whole life, not just this unfortunate episode.

I completely sympathise that he feels aggrieved and shocked - not about the sums involved but about the basic unfairness and lack of acknowledgement of his and your family's relationship with her.

Perhaps the sister can be appealed to to allow dh a keepsake or two?

HalfTermHero Wed 08-Jun-11 22:10:05

Zazza, read what I posted above about the wording in the will. It was motivated by a solicitor I suspect.

vintageteacups Wed 08-Jun-11 22:11:39

It will make him look the better person though. They're probably expecting him not to go.

It's sad and thingumy, zazza said that her dh wasn't bothered about the money - he just wanted something to remember her by and got zilch.

Thingumy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:11:47

He should go and hold his head high imo.

Honeydragon Wed 08-Jun-11 22:11:59

I don't think the op meant the money for no attendance but the presence of the sister

Honeydragon Wed 08-Jun-11 22:12:37

<but everyones just said that blush>

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 22:12:58

sad So sad, your poor DH

zazzabeans Wed 08-Jun-11 22:14:08

thingumy i did state money wasnt the issue -it would jave come in handy dont get me wrong... its just the whole scenario ...

Thingumy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:14:31

Why can't ask for a little keepsake?

Her possessions will need clearing out surely and the odd photo or small personal item won't be all squirelled from him?

I've received photos from one relative after they died and they are far more precious (to me and my children in the future) than a wad of cash.

Thingumy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:14:44


squeakytoy Wed 08-Jun-11 22:15:00

He should go to the funeral, to support his Dad if for no other reason. I can understand him not wanting to go, but it does add fuel to their arguments as presumably other family members will not know the contents of the will and will wonder why he has not gone.

zazzabeans Wed 08-Jun-11 22:16:21

fil got 1 photograph of dh when he was little and a gold ring.. everything else in the house is in the sisters words "accounted for" hmm

microserf Wed 08-Jun-11 22:17:18

i hate to say it, but was MIL in her completely right mind when she made it? a close friend lost everything when her grandmother (who for complicated reasons held money owed to friend's dead father) was held incommunicado for the last two years of her life by a grasping aunt. surprise, surprise, the will left everything, even my friend's dad's money, to the aunt.

challenged in court and it pretty much all went on the lawyers. my friend didn't care, thought it was a just punishment. she won actually, but bit of a Pyrrhic victory.

Brevity Wed 08-Jun-11 22:17:35

I can understand why he doesn't want to go. Sounds as if he is more upset at the comments she made about their relationship than about the money.

Sometimes, old people do make odd decisions- and she may not actually have been fully aware of the implications of the will, or may have been unduly influenced by others.

Your DH can always go later and pay his respects privately.

zazzabeans Wed 08-Jun-11 22:17:57

there is no other family members apart from mil (who couldnt stand the woman nor the sister) and the sisters husband.....
he said he cant face going, think he is sick of me ranting on, he telling me to shut up shock

nijinsky Wed 08-Jun-11 22:19:57

his sister took the mother to make it at the end of last year...

Unfortunately theres your answer. Old people can be very persuadable.

Most likely the money will be wasted quickly by the sister and her son.

Unfortunately it often seems the way with wills that the lease deserving get the most as the most hardworking are seen not to need it. My DP's family are like that. They bought his younger brother a £250,000 flat because he was still living at home at the age of 32. His grandfather left his farm to the youngest, laziest son because he was still living on the farm, and the other 3 children got nothing. His great grandfather left his farm to his youngest son who was a feckless alcholic and left his oldest son nothing because he had his own farm. The youngest son soon gambled it away and the family farm was lost.

BooyHoo Wed 08-Jun-11 22:21:20

i'm sorry but i dont think this is the full story. either the grandma has become very confused and chanegd her will (perhaps persuaded by others) or things weren't as rosy in teh garden as you portray.

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