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to not list her as my sister?

(26 Posts)
meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:35:51

H left me and DS nearly two years ago. We had a horrid relationship and he left and got addicted to heroin. I have not seen him since Nov 09. His family bar one are alcoholics. I live far away from them and none of them see DS.

I have his sisters on my Facebook, as far as I am concerned, so they can see both me and DS are alive. I will be divorcing H when the two years have happened and we can divorce whether or not he wants to.

Not that long ago, one of the sisters (there are two, and a brother. The youngest sister is the one with no alcohol problems, the older is an alcoholic but wont accept that) the alcoholic one tried to list me as her sister on Facebook. I have to accept this request for it to be listed in my information. For obvious reasons I do not want to list her as a sister so ignored it. She is aggressive and I do not want a horrible row over Facebook. I can not delete her from my friends list. That would cause much more trouble for me and DS than it would be worth. Same goes for closing down my Facebook and starting a new one without her.

Now she has posted on my 'wall' saying "Hi dawl. howz u? ave sent u a request to be ma sis a know the probs bit still ur ma sis yes?" Erm... no, I am not.

I am happy now. I have what I consider to be a 'normal' life back (no drugs, no alcohol, simple and happy). I do not want all these ties to people that only remind me of the horrible time I had with H and his family, but I accept that they will stay on my Facebook. I do not want to list them as family though. They are no longer family to me. AIBU?

What do I do?! Help!

outnumbered2to1 Wed 08-Jun-11 21:39:02

don't list them if you don't want to and then click the option to "hide" any of their posts. Then you don't have to read anything they write and no one else needs to read their posts

Pumpernickel10 Wed 08-Jun-11 21:40:49

What would she do if you defriended her? Does she live nearby at all

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:41:23

They (the whole family) will keep having a go, messaging me (which I would have to read, or at least see exists). I keep trying to think of a way I could say no without offending but can't think of anything.

AgentZigzag Wed 08-Jun-11 21:41:25

Keep on ignoring her?

She's going to look a bit silly if she starts something over a fb request.

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:42:43

No she doesn't live nearby but it would cause a lot of tension in the family with me and I worry about ex 'coming to get me'. blush sad He is strong and violent.

squeakytoy Wed 08-Jun-11 21:42:58

You live far away from them. I would honestly delete myself off facebook and cut all ties with them. It doesnt sound like there would be any benefit to you or you son to have them still connected to you.

Andrewofgg Wed 08-Jun-11 21:43:48

YANBU. No ex has any obligation to stay close to ex's siblings. Ever.

LittleMissFlustered Wed 08-Jun-11 21:44:32

You could say that you dislike sharing family relationship info with the wider Facebook universe?

Or tell her to jog on grin

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:44:36

Unfortunately Agent, looking silly does not seem to register to these people. (her family) They are from a scary area and fights over nothing are common and expected almost. Do not know how I got involved. That's stupidity and youth for you sad

AgentZigzag Wed 08-Jun-11 21:45:20

x posts with you melted.

Honestly, just don't do anything.

It looks to me as though it's nothing to do with fb, and everything to do with having control/power over you to do stuff you don't want to.

If you wanted to reply you would have done by now, they must know this.

If they take offence at it, fucking let them, their choice.

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:46:07

I have already listed my brother's wife as my sister. She seems like a sister though.

AgentZigzag Wed 08-Jun-11 21:47:38

x posts again grin

If you do what you're told this time, they'll come to expect you to obey every time.

Don't do it.

You're in control and do not have to go along with their games.

If you don't want to be confrontational, then say nothing.

squeakytoy Wed 08-Jun-11 21:48:25

I dont know why people have to list anyone as relatives... you dont need to. Dont have anyone listed and that way, there is no argument. I see people with about 50 brothers and sisters... it just looks juvenile.

Keep friends, as friends... thats all you need to do, but these people are not even your friends, so I would just delete them, and set your security so that they can not see you.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Wed 08-Jun-11 21:50:57

I'd be tempted to list her for now. When you've got your divorce and everything has been finalised defriend them or delete your FB completely.

Pick your battles and when you chose to fight them.

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:52:38

Squeaky, I do not list non family members. I have only listed my brother, my sister and my brothers wife. Though believe me, I wish I hadn't now.

AlmightyCitrus Wed 08-Jun-11 21:53:42

Just add them to your block list on facebook. Even if they search for you, or you reply to a "mutual friend" they won't be able to see you. If you happen to run into them on the street, just say you shut your facebook as you couldn't be bothered anymore.

OR, start a new facebook, block the ex's family, add your friends, and shut the other one down.

squeakytoy Wed 08-Jun-11 21:54:32

Just undelete them then as relatives.. as far as I know it doesnt flag up (in the same way that the marital status bit does when you change that).. and dont have anyone listed at all.. much easier. You know who your relatives are and so do they, so nobody else needs to know. smile

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 21:57:14

Maybe I should do that squeaky, but as she will have probably seen I had them listed before what do I now say?

chaisebaize Wed 08-Jun-11 21:58:41

I would simply reply that I am unable to understand her message as it doesn't appear to be written in a language I recognise .......

squeakytoy Wed 08-Jun-11 21:59:05

Dont say anything. If she mentions it, just say you dont want to list family on there at all. She is lucky you even have her on there as a friend.

chicletteeth Wed 08-Jun-11 21:59:20

Just don't have any family listed!
That way, it's not obvious that you're excluding her.
She isn't your sister anyway, and neither is your brothers wife.

For the life of me, I don't see the point in this family thing on FB, or FB at all for that matter.

SecretNutellaFix Wed 08-Jun-11 22:00:11

block her,

BooyHoo Wed 08-Jun-11 22:03:16

delete her and block her from messaging you. if any of teh rest of his family give you grief, same treatment. tehy do not have an entitlement to be on your friend's list. if tehy want to see your DS then they need to be decent to you.

meltedchocolate Wed 08-Jun-11 22:05:06

Thanks Squeaky and others who replied, that is exactly what I shall do. Un-list others, then when she brings it up again I shall say that I do not want to list family. Perfect, problem solved!! smile

Haha, Chaise, I am afraid it gets much worse than that!

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