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to be furious XH put gun in my DS hand

(21 Posts)
Flojo1979 Wed 08-Jun-11 14:42:43

Recent school hols, my DS went for his annual wk long stay at his dads (my ex hub). He returned home to tell me he had a secret and couldnt tell no one. Hes just turn 6 so was easily persued to fes up. he told me his dad had taken him shooting, i.e. air rifle, taking pot shots in his garden at cans and water balloon. AIBU to be totally furious at this?
I cringe at toy guns cos i think its awful.

cumbria81 Wed 08-Jun-11 14:43:29

I think you've overreacting, tbh.

I'm not a massive fan of guns either but it sounds like harmless father/son fun.

GypsyMoth Wed 08-Jun-11 14:44:35

theres a clue in your last sentence......its what YOU think!

you may well do stuff with your son that your es cringes at

he's broken no law. its up to him what they do in access time really isnt it?

bronze Wed 08-Jun-11 14:45:34

Depends if he did it responsibly. My dh takes my eldest out with the air rifle and they practice and ds is looking forward to starting his new school as they have a range their and he has found he has a natural talent. People who are brought up to be responsible around guns are not the ones creating the gun crime culture in this country

squeakytoy Wed 08-Jun-11 14:47:00

When I was that age, I loved watching my dad and uncles and older cousins shooting at tin cans with their air rifles. I was not big enough to use the guns but was allowed to hold them.

By 11 I was able to have a go, and was an excellent shot.

I am now 42 and have never shot a living object, nor have any desire to.

Guns are only a weapon in the wrong hands, and so long as your ex was supervising properly and responsibly, then you have no reason to be furious with him.

eurochick Wed 08-Jun-11 14:50:21

XH is his parent as much as you are. I don't see the problem (as long as it was done safely).

bronze Wed 08-Jun-11 14:52:29

their I feel ashamed of myself. There!

ragged Wed 08-Jun-11 14:56:02

You don't even like toy guys so you're bound to be horrified.
I'd be very concerned about safety aspects, but not against the air rifle experience in principle.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Wed 08-Jun-11 14:58:13

Well, TBH I wouldnt like it but...

as long as your ex is being responsible, using a safe gun and supervising DS and DS's safety is assured etc etc then he hasnt really done anything wrong. The fact that your DS says it was a secret speaks volumes though - ExH obv knew you would have a problem with it!

porpoisefull Wed 08-Jun-11 15:02:44

The bit I think you should be bothered about is your ex presumably telling your son to keep it a secret from you. That's not great parenting - your son shouldn't be put in that position.

LordSucre Wed 08-Jun-11 15:05:59

yabu - sounds like they had a great time, and no harm done. He was obviously being supervised by an adult.

ignatz Wed 08-Jun-11 15:10:26

what porpoisefull said

springbokscantjump Wed 08-Jun-11 15:12:30

YABU. As long as it was done responsibly and he taught your son about safety issues then he has a right to allow him to do activities whilst in his care that you don't necessarily agree with.

Sorry.

Mandy2003 Wed 08-Jun-11 15:15:26

I agree with porpoisefull - why was it a secret? If he was doing something constructive with his father, learning gun safety etc that should be something to be proud of.

When my DS was 7 (they raised the age from 6) he went to the local gun club for a summer holiday course and it was a real achievement for him.

bronze Wed 08-Jun-11 15:47:30

The secret was probably because ex knew op would be furious as she doesn't like guns

Flojo1979 Wed 08-Jun-11 16:03:39

yeah i guess i was more bothered cos i'd specifically asked him not to then he did and worst of all he tried to get my son to keep things from me, but i'm glad to get your opinions and its seems i'm fighting a losing battle!

AngelbitchtheChaoticone Wed 08-Jun-11 16:19:16

The worse part is your ex told your DS to keep it a secret. Children should never be told to keep secrets from their parents.

AxlRose Wed 08-Jun-11 16:22:07

I agree - I would be more upset at my son being encouraged to keep secrets from me.

PiousPrat Wed 08-Jun-11 16:35:06

I would definitely be having words with the ex about him getting your DS to keep secrets from you, then perhaps use it as an opportunity to have a conversation about the appropriate use of guns as toys when DS is with him.

FWIW I hate seeing small children with toys guns pew pew-ing everything in sight and my 2 DSs have never been allowed so much as a water pistol that actually looked like a gun. They are 10 & 11 now and have NERF guns, but they are bright colours and don't look that gun like so I have relented a bit. It was a conversation I had with my DP pretty early on though, as I feel quite strongly about children not playing with weapons of war and he is an avid paintballer, so much so that the room that will be DS3s nursery in a couple of months is currently DP's gat room, one wall is entirely filled with a display of all his markers. For the first couple of years that we were together and visiting him, he had a lock on that door so the DC didn't even see the guns. Now they are older and can better understand things, they go in the room (it is also where the PC is) and are utterly un phased by them. They know that once they are old enough (field rules say 12) that DP will take them out to a field so they can have a shoot of them and are perfectly happy to wait, and also understand the rules of shooting shit.

To me, this has been a good compromise as while they were still young and impressionable they were kept away from guns and DP respected that as to us, the stronger feeling won out and while he would have quite liked to have taken them to the bottom of the garden for target practice as a bonding thing, I REALLY didn't want them near guns, so he was happy to wait.

Much as i dislike kids with guns (i get a horrible mental picture of kids in the Congo when I see little ones running round shopping centres with a plastic Uzi) I don't think it is that bad if it is being done as a sport, in an appropriate way. So if your ex is prepared to teach your DS all about gun safety, the importance of never aiming at a living being, cleaning the gun etc and make it a special excursion like going go-karting, then I would find that ok. I think the real issue here is that your exknew you objected and did it anyway, which shows a lack of respect to you as a parent and that he encouraged your son to lie about it.

ShoutyHamster Wed 08-Jun-11 16:38:48

I'd hate the gun too - but that's his choice, sadly.

But do tell him to have a serious think about the can of worms he's opening by encouraging his young child to keep secrets from a parent... to impress upon his son that it's ok to keep a secret from mummy (or daddy) if another adult tells them to... I'm sure you can draw up a few examples for him.

Bad, rather dangerous parenting...

tinkertitonk Wed 08-Jun-11 18:05:14

OP, given your controlling attitude towards the fun that your son and his father have together the secrecy is no surprise.

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