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Am not at all religious but, would like a church wedding

(87 Posts)
D0G Wed 08-Jun-11 12:00:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra Wed 08-Jun-11 12:02:05

Churches are lovely, BUT you will have to say things that (if you are "not at all religious") you don't mean. Which is not ideal when you want to take your wedding vows seriously.

Are there any nice, pretty, holding-more-than-32-people civil venues around?

ithaka Wed 08-Jun-11 12:03:00

Can't you go for a big stately home or something? Your choices are no longer limited to Registery Office or church.

worraliberty Wed 08-Jun-11 12:03:51

Just get a bigger venue.

There are lots of places other than registry offices and churches that do weddings.

D0G Wed 08-Jun-11 12:04:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

D0G Wed 08-Jun-11 12:06:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

munstersmum Wed 08-Jun-11 12:06:35

It doesn't sound as if you would actually be comfortable with a church ceremony.

If you have found somewhere you like for a reception see if they hold or could get a licence for civil ceremonies. Lots of hotels do but also think museums etc. Or find out where other registry offices are in nearby towns. There is one not too far from here in beautiful gardens with a lake.

beldaran81 Wed 08-Jun-11 12:07:56

Weddings help keep churches open, from a purely mercenary POV, so go for it!

wineisfine Wed 08-Jun-11 12:08:11

We are regular churchgoers at a 'liberal' church and had a church wedding. We had to do a couple of 'preparing for marriage' classes along with other couples marrying in our church - we were the only people who attended church regularly and one of the couples were atheists!

TBH I don't have a problem with it at all - it's very inexpensive compared with stately homes, the church itself will benefit etc.

There is a bit in the vows when you say "according to god's holy law, in the presence of god I make this vow". But in the civil marriage service it says "marriage is defined as being between a man and a woman"... and I didn't want to 'agree' to that either.

You can also write your own bit of vows - we did this - which was lovely, we said how thankful we were for our children and our friends and family.

D0G Wed 08-Jun-11 12:08:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insertfunnynicknamehere Wed 08-Jun-11 12:09:56

It would be totally hypocritical to get married in place of worship if you are not religious simply because you want nice pictures and more people. You can get married anywhere there days. You have ties to the area not the church. You would be expected to take religious vows. YABU

munstersmum Wed 08-Jun-11 12:10:03

If you are not an atheist I can't see why he would have a problem.

CMOTdibbler Wed 08-Jun-11 12:10:18

Do a quick registry office ceremony with immediate family, and then get a humanist registrar to come and do a personal to you service with everyone there wherever you are getting married

wineisfine Wed 08-Jun-11 12:10:35

If your vicar will 'take most of the god bits out' then I'd go for it TBH. You have links to the area and that's so nice and meaningful - my sister got married at my parents' parish church (where we used to go for brownies and stuff), and she is agnostic and her DH is atheist. It was really nice for her to marry in the area she grew up.

If you'd feel uncomfortable then don't do it, of course. But I don't think anyone will judge you especially harshly - if the vicar has no problem, they shouldn't either.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 08-Jun-11 12:11:12

C of E vicars tend not to be that bothered and will most likely see you as a potential parishioner rather than a heretic. Money in the collection plate talks.... Book the choir and make his/her day.

worraliberty Wed 08-Jun-11 12:12:09

FFS "less goddy" cermonies? hmm

I'd like to see someone walk into a Mosque or a Synagogue and ask to be married when they have no interest in the religion in that place of worship.

Sadly, I think our churches are having to sell themselves out to people who want pretty photos and a ceremony lasting longer than 15 minutes.

cricketballs Wed 08-Jun-11 12:13:17

my DH and I have no real opinions either way about religion but after we attended a registry office wedding we were so put off my the lack of 'special occasion' about the whole affair that we did get married in a church (but this was before there was more choice!).

It did feel to us that it was more of a special occasion and a reality that this was for life rather than just saying a few words in an office that has some flowers

wineisfine Wed 08-Jun-11 12:14:20

I really don't think the vicar will mind, and you won't need to lie. As I said, lots of non-religious people got married in 'our' church. Churches really want/need more people to marry in them and are trying to increase their uptake at the moment.

I'm a practising christian I suppose, and I have NO problem with church weddings for non-christians. It's the 'official' state religion and you have a right to marry in your local church or one you can demonstrate ties to.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Wed 08-Jun-11 12:14:24

Yabu. Get married in a nice hotel or something.

TrillianAstra Wed 08-Jun-11 12:14:52

The vicar will almost certainly be fine with it.

C of E churches are there precisely to marry their parishioners.

swash Wed 08-Jun-11 12:16:59

I think it is fine. The church is part of every community, and it is our state religion. Go and talk to the vicar, check that you feel okay with the vows and then do what you feel is right.

D0G Wed 08-Jun-11 12:17:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

D0G Wed 08-Jun-11 12:19:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Checkmate Wed 08-Jun-11 12:19:45

Part of the point of the C of E is that it is there for the whole parish, whatever heir beliefs. So it is not hypocritical for you to have a church wedding. Please talk to the vicar, he is likely to be delighted.

WriterofDreams Wed 08-Jun-11 12:20:43

I'm religious and I say go for it. From a religious person's point of view, any wedding blessed by god is a bonus, whether you believe in it or not smile Also churches are lovely and lend a wonderful sense of ceremony to a wedding. Some vicars might not be keen on you marrying in their church if you're not a regular but I'm sure you'll find one who won't mind. Just be honest and don't pretend that you are religious when you're not.

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