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To not have my contraception injection tomorrow

(37 Posts)
mollycuddles Tue 07-Jun-11 22:48:46

I have 3 dcs - 13, 10 and 1. I'm 39. Dh is sahd. I work full time equivalent in 3 jobs - as secure as anything can be these days. Good income. I never planned to work full time but circumstances led us to this point. Basically we bought a lovely house at the top of our budget, bit of a project, pre credit crunch, based on my part time income and dh's lovely new job. But his job turned into a nightmare, he had a breakdown, spent 18 months mostly in hospital and due to job being new got feck all sick pay... Transpires he has bipolar and now hasn't worked in 5+ years. May never work again. But meh. We don't need him to.

That nightmare period caused all sorts of financial ructions though. Would have liked to move to clear things but by the time the project was saleable, the property market had died. Developed a plan B to clear all debt and get sorted. Delayed a bit by having dd2 but she was so worth it. She has always felt like my reward for the bad times. We will be sorted completely by next summer. Maybe sooner.

So the injection planned for tomorrow - both me and dh want a dc4. Money the obvious reason to wait. Also I'm dieting/ exercising and a few months from target. Pregnancy with dd2 was rubbish - maybe in part due to me being so fat but no guarantees another pg would be better (been sick with all 3 but much worse with dd2). By getting to healthy BMI I make any future pg more likely to be healthy/bearable etc

But I'm getting older and the risk of delayed return to fertility with injection is a concern. Am still bf dd2 who co-sleeps so not much dtd anyway but only takes one... Could just not have the jab and probably won't get pg for ages...

So iabu but <<pout>>

CandyS Tue 07-Jun-11 22:50:35

As long as you're planning to tell DH before hand I see no problem with it...

troisgarcons Tue 07-Jun-11 22:56:58

Your OH has MHI and you want more children?

Cant see the logic myself, knowing someone who is truely bi-polar and takes to 3 months at a time in a darkened room (not jesting) whilst the docs prat about with his meds

Don't see how you are all going to cope really. Google tells me bi-polar is 80% hereditary. Why would you take the risk of a child being similarly afflicted?

squeakytoy Tue 07-Jun-11 22:58:07

I would say under the circumstances, having another child would be selfish madness actually.

duckdodgers Tue 07-Jun-11 23:01:11

So do people believe that people with mental health issues shouldnt have children then, genuine question? My DHs Mum is bipolar and we have 2 children - should I have remained childfree in case they develop biploar when older?

A1980 Tue 07-Jun-11 23:07:43

When I went on the contraception injection in my early 20's I was told that it takes up to 18 months to 2 years for fertility to return. Having looked up the information again just now, that advice remains current.

If you do want another child, I wouldn't leave it too much longer. Your fertility may not come back on like a lightbulb just becasue you stop having the injections.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 07-Jun-11 23:09:27

I suppose it depends on whether the condition is likely to be passed on or not and whether you are prepared to inflict that suffering on a child. It's not so much a question of whether other people think someone with mental health issues should or shouldn't have children, but what the potential parent thinks, I would have thought. I probably wouldn't but that's from a point of view of passing on the condition combined with the prospect of caring for that child with any others already in existence.

It's a moot point whether you should have remained childfree, duckdodgers, you didn't and it was your decision, nobody else's opinion is relevant really.

troisgarcons Tue 07-Jun-11 23:10:19

No - but I think you have to make a balanced choice - if you have children already who are not affected then that is going against the balance of probabilities and you should thank your lucky stars.... to push your luck and to knowingly conceive and possibly condemn another being to a life of misery is entirely another.

And I will put that in perspective with an acquaintance who has an hereditary heart condition. She has 6 children, all who have inherited it. it was diagnosed at a very young age (in the children) I'm sure it is her 'right' to have as many children as she can afford to keep.

Personally, if I had such a complaint, twigged it was hereditary, seen two children have open heart surgry, I wouldnt have gone one to have another 4 and put them all through the same thing. And it isn't one operation, it is a succession of operations, for each child.

Just my perspective. We all have our own opinions.

mollycuddles Tue 07-Jun-11 23:10:22

Should have known it - someone was bound to suggest people with a history of mental illness shouldn't be a parent. Dh is stable on his meds and a great dad. But I don't need to justify myself to you. Inheritance and bipolar is an unknown quantity - jury is out. On the other hand being a complete bigoted twonk is 100% inherited.

duckdodgers Tue 07-Jun-11 23:17:04

I hardly think having bipolar is condeming someone to a "lifetime of misery" .hmm My MIL lives a normal happy life actaully, things werent always so great before they worked out the right combination of medication but she has a fulfilling and enriched life now, its not her fault she developed biploar. 1 in 4 people at some point in their lifes will develop a mental health problem - and there is no clear study that shows biploar is genetically linked. You can also be genetically predisposed to an illness and never develop it.

And her having bipolar was never an issue for me having my children.

squeakytoy Tue 07-Jun-11 23:21:31

The possibility of an inherited treatable illness would not be my main concern, but the instablility of finances, and the real possibility that your husband may have recurring bouts of his illness making him incapable of looking after two toddlers, would want me to hold off or just be satisfied with having 3 healthy children already.

AgentZigzag Tue 07-Jun-11 23:22:29

Oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm reading people saying the reason the OP shouldn't have another child with her husband is because he might pass on his mental health issues to them!

Fucking hell.

All sorts of people with all sorts of mental or physical impairments have happy, well balanced and healthy children, and so they fucking should.

Chunkamatic Tue 07-Jun-11 23:25:44

In fairness I dont think the OP's point was about any potential hereditary problems caused by her DH's MH issues. Given that they already have 3 dc's it's hardly like they wouldn't have considered these things.

OP, it's unclear as to whether or not you have told your OH your plans not to get the injection. So if you haven't YABU. But if it's both agreed that it's what you want then YANBU. Agree with PP that it is unclear as to when your fertility returns with the injection so if you're sure this is what you want then why wait?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 07-Jun-11 23:28:01

I was actually answering Duckdodger's post rather than the OP's. Duckdoger did ask specifically.

duckdodgers Tue 07-Jun-11 23:29:16

agentzigzag - Im with you, off to bed now and will probably hide this thread anyway now now. Im a Psychiatric Nurse and saddened that these type of views exist to be honest, no wonder people with mental illness feel stigmatised. Maybe I shouldnt be considering having another baby myself since Granny is cuckoo and is a nutter and Im not much further behind because Ive had post natal depression before. Disclaimer - deliberately using language like I have because this is just a stereotypical view of someone with a mental health problem.

Actually it angers me, not just saddens me.

duckdodgers Tue 07-Jun-11 23:32:21

I asked the question because of troisgarcons post - the amount of prejudice some of my patients have faced in everday life is unbelievable, I really didnt want to believe that someone could honestly think that people with mental health problems shouldnt have children.

mollycuddles Tue 07-Jun-11 23:34:07

Dh very keen on another baby. Happy for us to stop contraception now or later. Up to me but we wanted to get the money sorted fully and me to get a BMI of under 25 before getting pg. But I am worried that the injection risks my fertility not coming back quickly enough. Would love to get pg next spring but can't guarantee that. Of course dh could get sick again but has been stable for over 4 years now, has a good psychiatrist and a regime of drugs that work well for him. Dd2 has done wonders for his confidence and he really enjoys being with her.
I'm probably BU about the money thing but I don't see us as being unstable. The debts are diminishing rapidly. I checked my credit rating and it's great now which when I was getting all sorts of nasty letters it really wasn't!

AgentZigzag Tue 07-Jun-11 23:36:51

Please don't hide the thread duckdodgers, there are people who should be challenged in their views of people who struggle with mental health problems.

It's the casual link (often using googled evidence) with unpredictable, sometimes criminal or violent, behaviour that I won't stand for.

People with mental health issues are more likely to be a victim, not the cause, of crime or antisocial behaviour, but you'll know that anyway.

There's never a good time for a baby molly, money comes/money goes <<motto>> grin

mollycuddles Tue 07-Jun-11 23:36:56

Duckdodgers - thanks for the support. I am going to try and rise above such dreadful bigotry and feel sorry for the twats posters in question. There's a 1 in 4 chance of any of their dc or oh or other loved ones developing a mental illness. God help them if/when it does.

gomez Tue 07-Jun-11 23:41:02

Re: Depo and time for fertility to return I wouldn't bank on the old 18months rule.

With DD1, missed an injection, didn't have a period and was pregnant after approx. 10 years on the injection.

With DD2 - 6 months after DD1, had 3 injections so approx. 9 months, took a further 18 to get pregnant.

So don't have the injection and use other contraception if you don't want to be pregnant tomorrow. However if you, and DH, are happy to have a DC4 in 9 months time, fill your boots.

Re: health issues and financial stability, only you know if your family/finances could deal with your DH have a depressive episode during your pregnancy or in the years soon after.

Me, I would if that is what myself and DH wanted -life is always more fun lived as is as opposed to undue regard to what might be! So YANBU

igggi Tue 07-Jun-11 23:41:06

Can you not get the injection, but then just use alternative contraception until you have reached your target weight?

Firawla Tue 07-Jun-11 23:42:04

yanbu, personally in your situation would probably just use condoms so you can delay a bit but without the risks of affecting your fertility? or if not that then perhaps some other method with less side effects.

troisgarcons Tue 07-Jun-11 23:49:36

duckdodgers Tue 07-Jun-11 23:32:21
I asked the question because of troisgarcons post - the amount of prejudice some of my patients have faced in everday life is unbelievable, I really didnt want to believe that someone could honestly think that people with mental health problems shouldnt have children.

You have projected what you wanted to read into what I typed. I didnt say people with MHI shouldnt have children, and I've scrolled backand re-read my posts vey carefully. I asked why someone would take a risk on an hereditary illness if it could be life affecting.

InTheNightKitchen Tue 07-Jun-11 23:53:49

go fuck yourself troisgarcons

you would have fitted right in in nazi germany

troisgarcons Tue 07-Jun-11 23:55:36

quite possibly better than you jacking off over my posts

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